Taxi driver emotionally blackmailing me

[AmberAndAlexsMum]

Sounds drastic I know, but my ds (17) goes to an SEN college, which is 25 miles away. He gets a taxi, paid for by the council, to take him and bring him back.

Now ds has severe sleep issues, he's had all his life, and sometimes he simply cannot sleep at night and ends up too exhausted to go in. If this happens I always text the driver as early as possible.

Over the last 6 months or so, every time I've texted him to say ds isn't going in, he's responded by complaining that he's losing money as he only gets paid when the kids go in.

I appreciate that, but surely he doesn't have the right to emotionally blackmail me? He knows I'm empathic and don't like causing problems, but I'm beginning to think that he is deliberately doing this.

AIBU to expect him to accept that ds can't always go to college? I've had no problems with previous drivers and I always make sure to let them know before they leave home.

Read the thread. “End of”.

Her son is not choosing not to go to sleep. It's a medical/psychological issue. Having a go at him is going to work bloody wonders isn't it? Could be insomnia-related.

The taxi driver can choose to get another job you know. This is the OPs life, there is no respite from this for her or her son.

FFS! Look in a mirror luv.

You’re the one completely lacking empathy and understanding here.

Such a twatty response to an OP who has been struggling for the past 17 years and is no doubt petrified about what will happen to her son when she’s no longer there to care for him.

I image the OP would love the opportunity to live a normal life like the taxi driver for just ONE DAY. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Can I suggest you read the thread and/or inform yourself about the realities of how SEN transport works?

As people have pointed out, the cab company will have a regular contract with the local authority under which their payments won't be dependent on an individual child being able to travel to school on a particular day. This driver's employer is choosing not to pass on the benefit to him, and that is not OP's fault or her son's. OP did not reserve this driver.

I think it is you who does not understand what emotional blackmail is. There is no sensible reason for the driver to be stating this fact to OP other than to apply pressure on her to make her son go into school so that the driver will get paid, even though her son is not well enough.

It's not blackmail because he's not trying to get something from you but he is moaning about the job .
The council provide the taxi service , they are his employer along with the taxi firm he should be raising it with them if he is not satisfied with his employment .

Could you bypass him and let the taxi firm know when you don't need a taxi .

I'm expecting he feels upset because he saw it as guaranteed, but no taxi driver had guaranteed income , it's based on need .

Tell the council that this is happening if it continues because I'm sure they will not be happy that someone they employ is putting pressure on you like this

Oh, FFS, it's not up to OP to find another driver. She hasn't chosen the cab company, she isn't a party to the contract, she has zero control over how the drivers get paid.

This driver could certainly refuse to carry on, if he wants to lose a nice lucrative regular fare and take his chances picking up fares at the railway station. OP might then get a sensible driver allocated by the cab company.

Please would all these brilliant people who can get autistic children into school and get them a good night's sleep pop round here? I would really love to know the secret.

And perhaps you could go round to see the OP too

Absolutely this.

It's also highly unprofessional to be engaging in direct text messages with the taxi driver.

You are not unreasonable op the taxi driver is being extremely unprofessional- I would ring the firm and ask for a different driver and explain why.

OP has cancelled four times since September because her son was unable to go into school. The taxi company accepted a contract with the council to provide transport for children with SEN who, by the nature of having varying disabilities, will occasionally be unable to get into school. After all, even children without SEN get ill sometimes. If the cab firm don't find that acceptable, they shouldn't accept the contract.

Again, read the thread.

It’s very normal and expected for parents of children with sen in this situation to liaise directly with the driver and / or escort via text. They usually give their details over at the initial meet and greet organised by the council / head office so you can contact them directly about this exact sort of issue. The transport offices are usually shut outside of office hours and if a child is unwell or there are other issues the parent and driver need to be able to contact each other directly.

This.

"Keeps getting his first regular job of the day cancelled"? Four times in over four months? Don't be silly.

@AmberAndAlexsMum

whilst I'm very sorry for your situation (it's not easy having teenagers with SEN)...

Let me help you out here. They are not lucrative for the driver, The only advantage to them is that they're a sort of regular income. But they pay much less than a metered fare. They tie you up for two large chunks of your day. Much longer than you might appreciate. It prevents you from taking a lot of other work because of the timing (especially mornings)

Although it's good to know before you leave home, you can't just instantly replace that income & it's doubly annoying if you've had to say no to another booking.

It varies around the country, but around here the school runs are allocated to companies who then allocate to drivers. Not directly to drivers. I suggest he contacts the council to see what his councils rules are re this situation, they vary. The company he has his contract from 'might' be pulling a fast one, charging the council, but not paying him. Or if where you are it's direct from council to driver, he may have misunderstood the 'parent cancels the same day rule'

people think taxi drivers are raking it in, but they really don't appreciate the costs of it. There are a lot of 'compliance' costs on top of the cost of fuel & a lot of car maintenance costs (due to increased mileage) and the insurance is ridiculous.

It was getting bad enough before Covid, but after covid it's a nightmare & now with the rising CoL it's beyond a nightmare. Obviously that varies a bit depending on where you live,but it's far from a cushy number!

He has bills to pay too & if you're regularly telling him not to come because you're letting DS stay home because he's tired, it's not surprising he's frustrated (IF it's correct that he doesn't get paid)

there weren't any replies when I started typing this (dog/kids all disrupting my MNing!!)bitll be interesting to see what other people have said.

Bollocks is it.

Its entirely normal to text the driver directly if your child is unwell for many, many people.

The office of the taxi company that provides my DD’s taxi doesn’t open until 8am (pre booked only before them) which is after she gets picked up.

The driver will also message if she’s running early or late. If there’s a change to the route etc. It’s very common.

He has bills to pay too & if you're regularly telling him not to come because you're letting DS stay home because he's tired, it's not surprising he's frustrated (IF it's correct that he doesn't get paid)

She’s letting her child stay home when he’s not fit for going…

No, it isn't. It's standard practice as the quickest way to let him know when he isn't needed. If everything had to be channelled through the council, an awful lot of cab drivers would be making an unlawful lot of unnecessary journeys.

Can't believe some of the rubbish I'm reading on here.

OP, I would suggest contacting the taxi company from now on when you need to cancel rather than the driver. Explain to them that you feel uncomfortable with the pressure the driver is putting on you when your son is physically unable to get into college. If they value the contract they'll soon have a word with him.

The driver has an issue with his employer, not with the OP. It is not the OP's responsibility to keep the driver in daily employ. There is a very strong chance the taxi company is still receiving payment from the council for the job even when cancelled; my experience of purchase order numbers through the council is that they're not closely monitored and need a physical intervention to close them. So if the driver isn't even getting a cancellation fee from the taxi company, it's up to him to negotiate with his employer for better terms of contact, not take it out on the OP.

For those implying or directly stating that the son should be made to go in, please grow up and join the real world. You sound completely sheltered from the realities of caring for a child with high support needs.

Tbh the melatonin you get in this country just isn’t strong enough. I was told it was either 2 or 5 mg of slow acting Melatonin and that for me does nothing.
I used to be able to get (pre lockdown) Fast acting Melatonin from the US. 25mg
(You can order it through a few websites)

Although during lockdown I found Ashwagandha. 2x500mg pills just before bed and not only does it knock me out it also according to my fit bit gives me a proper length of deep sleep. I get mine from Costco but H&B do it as well.

I have always had difficulty in getting to sleep but during menopause my ability to fall asleep and stay asleep went out of the window.
High strength and fast acting Melatonin and Ashwagandha have been a huge life saver. My doctor was rubbish. He tried to prescribe me 2 mg of slow acting Melatonin. It did nothing

OP is talking about a young person travelling some distance to receive appropriate education. My DS is fortunate in having an education package nearer but still 30 mins from home. Once it was established that he could not cope with bus or train (he has complex needs) we were granted the transport - but this is subsidised transport with an annual contribution from him (he gets mobility allowance) of just over £500. Nothing is free '- OP should not be feeling 'grateful'

‘Get your child up and in my taxi on time. Otherwise I won’t be paid and won’t be able to pay my bills’

This clearly is classic emotional blackmail.

Anyway the issue here is with the taxi company. I bet they are getting paid by the council and refusing to pass it on to the driver.

And I am sure OP would love to be able to walk to a school down the road with her son, like many other parents can. It’s not her fault the school which can accommodate her son is so far away. Have a heart people. I don’t know anyone who has a child with ASD but I can see how damn difficult it must be for many. Imagine not sleeping for 17 years??

As a parent of a child with sen I completely understand your issues. Your son cannot do what other young people can do. Therefore the taxi driver is lacking empathy. The issue is his. He needs to work for a company that pay him regardless or in a different line of work?
I would speak to the company about having a different driver. I would also suggest the driver does the same.

Im' very surprised the council doesn't block-book these taxi rides, although clearly the arrangement benefits them for this exact reason.