Taxi driver emotionally blackmailing me

[AmberAndAlexsMum]

Sounds drastic I know, but my ds (17) goes to an SEN college, which is 25 miles away. He gets a taxi, paid for by the council, to take him and bring him back.

Now ds has severe sleep issues, he's had all his life, and sometimes he simply cannot sleep at night and ends up too exhausted to go in. If this happens I always text the driver as early as possible.

Over the last 6 months or so, every time I've texted him to say ds isn't going in, he's responded by complaining that he's losing money as he only gets paid when the kids go in.

I appreciate that, but surely he doesn't have the right to emotionally blackmail me? He knows I'm empathic and don't like causing problems, but I'm beginning to think that he is deliberately doing this.

AIBU to expect him to accept that ds can't always go to college? I've had no problems with previous drivers and I always make sure to let them know before they leave home.

Wow, you and other posters on here have zero understanding of parenting a child with a disability.

My daughter attended a special school and was taken by taxi each day. There was another young boy who attended her school who was a very unwell child and unfortunately terminal. There would have been many days when he was too unwell to go to school. How was that his or his parents fault? A child's health is far more important than money. It's not even comparable.

Unfortunately this young boy passed away a few years back.

I would say that unless you have experience raising a child or working with children with SEN, then follow the old saying of, if you have nothing nice to say then don't say anything at all.

Well he clearly has SEN if he attends SEN college, hence he will have issues that a 17 year old who can hop on a bus to mainstream college won't have.

My son is 12, but developmentally toddler age, non verbal, working at pre-school level.

If you saw him lying on the floor having a full blown toddler-style tantrum, would you say "He's 12. He's old enough to understand"?

He has bills to pay too & if you're regularly telling him not to come because you're letting DS stay home because he's tired, it's not surprising he's frustrated (IF it's correct that he doesn't get paid)

But what should OP do? Her son’s school has told him not to come in if he is exhausted. His brain will not allow him to fall asleep some nights. It isn’t that he is up all night partying or on his Xbox. If her son has not slept and cannot go to school exhausted, what exactly do you think she should do?

The driver’s lot is not easy. But that is not for the OP to be able to sort out.

Keeps getting his first regular job of the day cancelled"? Four times in over four months? Don't be silly

No it wasn't only 4 times, there was illness aswell. Read the post.

Not much to add, except to say that I'm glad you're getting it sorted @AmberAndAlexsMum. For what it's worth, I agree that the taxi driver should not have been making those comments. And I am shocked, but not completely surprised, at some of the ignorant and idiotic comments on this thread. What the hell is wrong with people?

Get some sleeping tablets and get him to go into college - he needs his education.

And the driver needs an income.

If sleep issues are so severe that he’s missing 2-3 days a week or even off every week then withdraw him from the course and do online with flexible schedule.

Carrying on with the current status quo is not fair on anyone - your son will be missing so much that it puts too much pressure on him which is probably worsening the sleep issues.

Alternatively, he is 17, get him his license and a DLA car.

I think the contract is probably unreasonable (late cancellations should at the least net the driver a cancellation fee), but that's not between the OP and the driver.

I wonder if he realises the cancellations are due to the OP's DC's SEN and not that the DC is a simple school refuser? I guess even if he does, understanding doesn't pay the bills.

Given the driver is frustrated by the contract, and the OP is frustrated by the driver, the plan to find a different driver is probably for the best.

@SensationalSusie I may be wrong (and OP can correct me if I am) but OPs son doesn't sound like he would be able to learn to drive and get a licence.

My daughter is 19 and she can't even use the cooker, never mind learn how to operate a vehicle.

And all of this should have been explained to him by his employer (ie not the OP) before he agreed to the job.

You make it sound as though taking on a contracted job isn't worth it. Clearly it is, as thousands of drivers up and down the country are doing them quite happily every day.

I feel for taxi drivers on a employee level as they don't seem to have very good protection in place, but they should under no circumstances be expressing their frustration to people like the OP who has nothing to do with their employment rights.

Some of the posts on this thread are absolutely disgusting I've had to stop reading. Begrudging a child with SEN a taxi to their SEN college is honestly one of the most sickening things I've read on here.

The mum is not being unprofessional by contacting the driver , she is probably doing what was agreed when arrangement began

The driver is being unprofessional to the parent

and anyone else worry about what his attitude is to the vulnerable child in the taxi if he feels this way to the parent . I hope there is an escort in taxi .

What a load of goady rubbish

Get some sleeping tablets and get him to go into college
The OP has a child with SEN who has a sleep disorder. Do you think she hasn't tried everything to help him sleep?

he needs his education
Again, why do you think she has him enrolled in college? Clearly she's committed to his education

And the driver needs an income
Not the OP's problem

If sleep issues are so severe that he’s missing 2-3 days a week or even off every week
Can you read? 4 times in 4 months is NOT 2-3 days a week.

withdraw him from the course and do online with flexible schedule.
How is that appropriate if he needs to attend SEN college?

Alternatively, he is 17, get him his license and a DLA car.
If he has SEN, he likely can't actually learn to drive

Just to add before anyone jumps on - I am autistic and so is my son.

I do think medication needs revisiting at this stage.

If he’s off sick and missing days it could be symptomatic of the change to college being stressful and worsening his health/sleep issues.

If you have only cancelled 4 times it would seem a bit unreasonable for the driver to challenge you. But equally well these are very hard times and this may be happening with multiple children too.

Speaking from my own experience, if your son is missing a lot of college that will cause him so much stress. Try and get additional support with what he’s missed (even on top of special needs provision) and look at alternatives if he continues to be sick/unable to attend.

If he is aspergers then driving is not out of reach and it may motivate him. So definitely something to consider now or in the next few years.

I do understand how stressful and exhausting it both from your and your sons point of view. The attendance and sleep problems for me were symptomatic of bigger issues I couldn’t verbalise at the time so look at the bigger picture of what is going on and how he is coping.

Do you have any knowledge at all about autism spectrum disorder? I'm presuming not, as otherwise you wouldn't be writing such utter rubbish.

Wow, I've just read that you are autistic.....even more shocked at what you have written.....

As expected, lots of ignorance re SEN AND school run contracts.

Even those who should know better!!

Oh, how dreadfully inconsiderate of him to get sick.

If, as a taxi driver, you accept a school transport job, you accept the risk that sometimes the child in question will be too sick to get into school. If you can't live with that risk, don't moan to the child's parent, moan to your employers or get another job.

I’m actually laughing at this. Oh it’s so easy to get high rate dla (which would actually be PIP) for a 17 year old with ND issues … and then of course he’s going to pass his test first time with flying colours and scoot off into the sunset in his mobility car. 🤦🏼‍♀️ It’s obvious you have no idea what you’re talking about, no idea how difficult it is or how long it can take to get Pip, yet alone high rate PIP in those circumstances.

(And I say that as someone who gets high rate PIP both elements as an ongoing award and a son that gets high rate dla).

Gee, well done, you fixed it! OP has 17 years of the lived reality of being a mum to a child with SEND, but your inspirational response that probably took you all of two minutes to bang out has definitely shown her the solution to all her and her son's problems!

Or, in the real world: her son might be on other medication that isn't compatible with sleeping pills. Or her son might have huge anxieties around lack of control when it comes to his sleep schedule and sleeping pills would only exacerbate that anxiety. Or, just maybe, you should trust that the OP has probably tried various methods for combatting this over the years, and her son might be doing amazingly by getting into college 90% of the time.

But yeah, pull him out of college, because clearly missing a handful of days since September due to this issue means he shouldn't have the benefit of physical peer interaction anymore!

And of course a teenager attending a SEND college and who has their transport paid for by actual professionals who have assessed he's not even capable of using a bus independently should go and get a car. Brilliant! Tough love works, guys. SensationalSusieSolvedSEND.

"I wonder if he realises the cancellations are due to the OP's DC's SEN and not that the DC is a simple school refuser?"

Have you dealt with an actual school refuser? There's generally nothing "simple" about it.

It's difficult to know where to begin with the sheer stupidity and ignorance of this post. If you can't read the thread, at least read OP's posts.

@PurplePixies
@restorativejustice
@Punxsutawney

I am autistic, so is my son.

I have plenty of experience of actually being the 17 year old who couldn’t sleep/attend school and who at the last minute on a daily basis would disrupt everyone else’s day because I couldn’t cope with the situation I was faced with.

Sounds like he can’t cope with what he is being asked to do either, the transition to college isn’t going well if he’s sick, sleep issues worsened and attendance dropping.

Explained my post further in a less blunt way - sorry I am autistic!!!

And aspergers type are more capable of pursuing things like driving, living independently, Uni, job, having family etc etc. We are not to be written off!!!

Completely reasonable to suggest the option of driving msg motivate him and take away the demand pressure of the taxi driver waiting for him everyday and Mum being stressed about it.

@Upsidedownagain Absolutely! It's often based around an anxiety disorder too. My daughter refused to go to school for her last 2 years. Nothing I could say or do would make her even come downstairs when her taxi arrived. Many times we had to send them on their way and she wouldn't attend school.

Newsflash - not all autistic people are the same.