Taxi driver emotionally blackmailing me

[AmberAndAlexsMum]

Sounds drastic I know, but my ds (17) goes to an SEN college, which is 25 miles away. He gets a taxi, paid for by the council, to take him and bring him back.

Now ds has severe sleep issues, he's had all his life, and sometimes he simply cannot sleep at night and ends up too exhausted to go in. If this happens I always text the driver as early as possible.

Over the last 6 months or so, every time I've texted him to say ds isn't going in, he's responded by complaining that he's losing money as he only gets paid when the kids go in.

I appreciate that, but surely he doesn't have the right to emotionally blackmail me? He knows I'm empathic and don't like causing problems, but I'm beginning to think that he is deliberately doing this.

AIBU to expect him to accept that ds can't always go to college? I've had no problems with previous drivers and I always make sure to let them know before they leave home.

ODFOD. What do you suggest is the alternative? Should we just put children with SEN into an underclass and say they are not entitled to an education? Or should we demand that their parents give up work so as to get them to school, even though that means they then can't afford to get their children to school?

Of course, we could have an improved education system that means that children with SEN don't have to travel 50 miles a day to get the education they need, but unfortunately that is not a policy that the government seems willing to get behind. Perhaps those moaning taxpayers could direct their ire at the government which actually has it in its power to do something about it?

I doubt he’s losing money, getting a taxi on demand at peak times like the school run is like gold dust.

It’s amazing how much is parents of disabled children are supposed to be grateful for.

Not a chance would the parent of a fit, healthy, NT child who was allocated a school place 25 miles away be told to be grateful for the transport.

Maybe emotional guilt trip, but not black mail.

But yeah, harsh to make you feel even worse about the situation.

He hasn't had his income disappear, he's free to take other work. It's the nature of taxi driving that your income fluctuates according to demand. If his employers didn't have the contract to take OP's son, he would lose what is in reality a nice lucrative source of steady work. If he doesn't like it, it's up to him to sort out a better system with his employer, not OP.

OP I would contact the person in charge of you DC at the education establishment, their LSA if they have a 1-2-1 or the person in charge of the department. I have had some direct experince of problems with transport for youngsters with SEN can't go into details but I support a child same age as yours at a local college. Student has to be escorted to and from taxi at both ends of the journey. It was my job to do this at the college. Problems arose when the transport company changed. My line manager dealt with the issue, contacting the council etc and sorted it all. Some of the problems were due to the fact that the taxi driver had not been properly briefed on the student's condition or the procedure for dealing with any issues.

He is trying it on with you @AmberAndAlexsMum the council will be paying his firm over £6K per school year per child, you owe him no explanations.

My DD goes to a special school and gets picked up in a mini bus with other children, if she is unwell we text the Chaperone and that is that.

I would contact the school transport team at your LA and let them know what is happening, or speak to his college as they will have someone who deals with the taxi companies.

In future if your DS is unwell contact the taxi company direct instead of the driver as he is not being very professional.

Thinking about this more - the driver’s employers really need to know and have a word with him.

Some families would feel under pressure to offer him money with those comments or night even feel he was trying to solicit them offering him money.

He’s putting himself in a precarious position

He has had his earnings for that morning disappear, in that he may have turned down other bookings because of this.

It isn't professional to let OP know he feels annoyed, let alone the reason. OP already has more than enough on her plate if she's been up all night with her disabled child.

And why can't he replace the work with another job? Why can he not just let his employer know he's free to take any new call that comes in?

If you read the OP's posts you would know how often she has had to cancel.

The Council reserved him to provide transport for disabled children including the Op's son. She didn't pick him off Uber and cancel at the last minute.

Another way of looking at it is that he has a nice regular contract which gives him a steady income which, as a taxi driver, he would not normally have. The downside is that, because it involves a disabled child, around once a month he doesn't get that particular payment but is free to start his normal taxi work a bit earlier in the day. If he doesn't like the terms of the regular contract he's free to give it up. Moaning at the parent of the disabled child about effects of his disability that she cannot avoid will achieve nothing.

Dear OP, I completely relate the your experience. I have an autistic teen who has LA transport to attend college. Sometimes this is cancelled at very short notice for a variety of reasons; sleep, anxiety, recovering from shutdown.

Most people do not understand how stressful it is to live the life of someone with support needs. Not being able to go to college is not a choice. It’s really distressing for the whole family and not your fault or your sons.

My child has a lovely taxi driver atm thankfully. In your situation I would have some sympathy for the driver however, it’s not within your gift to solve, so I think my sympathy would wear out quite fast. People probably don’t realise how much extra admin you will have to do and even getting to speak to the right person in the transport dept can be very time consuming.

Thank you all.

I have just spoken to a lovely lady at the LA, who contacted the relevant officer. They have already started the ball rolling and have promised to contact me ASAP.

Also thanks to everyone who clearly understand what it's like having a disabled child. I was feeling that maybe ds problems are my fault rather than his autism, but you have made me see that his sleep problems are not unusual or a product of lazy parenting. Even melatonin only worked for a week 🙂, and I have not had a full night's sleep in 17 years.

Gets a bit tiring from time to time 🙂

I think he was just making you aware that he doesn't get paid unless the journey is undertaken op. Lots of people don't understand the way this works and think he will be paid regardless which isn't true. The school run is usually during rush hour which must be very frustrating for him as he could pick up more jobs & make more money if he wasn't tied to yours which isnt guaranteed. But pp are right, if this doesn't work for him he just needs to contact his firm and get taken off your job.
I also doubt that the driver "leaves his house" to come to yours either op. He's likely been out since the early hours and made sure he is local enough to do your job at the allotted time so potentially turning down work further afield. I can understand why it's frustrating for him to be let down.

That's great news OP. I hope they manage to sort something for you and get back to you quickly.

Ignore any of the ignorant arseholes on here that are commenting on things they know fuck all about.

He has had his earnings for that morning disappear, in that he may have turned down other bookings because of this.

He won't have turned down other bookings. It's a long term contract with the LA to transport a disabled young person.

No, your rights to moan about the LA complying with the Disability Discrimination Act end at the ballot box.

People like you have already made your feelings very clear about not wanting to support a civilised caring society by consistently voting Tory.

So why not fuck off to somewhere like the States where “society” is such a dirty word? I’m sure you’d be much happier over there and you’ll find Fox News similar to the Daily Mail for spewing Right Wing drivel.

You don't seem to have any understanding of how these contracts work, let alone basic English. If you take on this type of contract, you accept the risk that sometimes the child won't be well enough to go to school - it's not a matter of cancelling any particular day just because the parent has decided it's a bit inconvenient.

What do you suggest his motivation for telling OP is that he is losing income if it isn't emotional blackmail? He is quite clearly trying to persuade her to force her son into school even when he's not well enough to go.

I feel really sorry for the taxi driver, he just wants to work and earn money

It’s not acceptable to regularly cancel taxis at short notice. End of

@stopringingme I was thinking that he would probably get paid regardless of whether he took the child too? That’s what various taxi firms have told me when they have been contacted to take my child to school/college. Of course they prefer to have notice that they’re not needed but we know it doesn’t always work like that.

The amount of ablism on this thread is depressing but not surprising.

Why don't you go and clue yourself up a bit. End of.

Seriously??

But you can’t find it in yourself to feel sympathy for a mother who can’t work due to caring for her disabled child and hasn’t had a decent nights sleep in 17 years?

Shame on you!

For those who do think OP is being unreasonable to the poor taxi driver I would love to hear what you suggest she does about it? You clearly have no understanding of what it’s like for the OP or her son.