Taxi driver emotionally blackmailing me

[AmberAndAlexsMum]

Sounds drastic I know, but my ds (17) goes to an SEN college, which is 25 miles away. He gets a taxi, paid for by the council, to take him and bring him back.

Now ds has severe sleep issues, he's had all his life, and sometimes he simply cannot sleep at night and ends up too exhausted to go in. If this happens I always text the driver as early as possible.

Over the last 6 months or so, every time I've texted him to say ds isn't going in, he's responded by complaining that he's losing money as he only gets paid when the kids go in.

I appreciate that, but surely he doesn't have the right to emotionally blackmail me? He knows I'm empathic and don't like causing problems, but I'm beginning to think that he is deliberately doing this.

AIBU to expect him to accept that ds can't always go to college? I've had no problems with previous drivers and I always make sure to let them know before they leave home.

on our area at least (& I expect most others) there's not much work, lots of jobs that actually cost to do, but drivers do to help people out.

Round here school runs are sought after.

They’re two guaranteed hires at quiet times of the day, 5 days a week, 39 weeks of the year. Much more reliable an income than they get at any other time.

Whenever DD has a temporary driver (her usual one has had some health issues this year) they’re always super friendly and extra helpful and never fail to mention that if she has preference we can always let the company know.

I don't think he BU by expressing his disappointment/frustration unless of course he's demanding you drag your son in.
If it's happening regularly would it be more practical to call/text him in the morning when you DO want a lift. That way at least he gets a lie in.

Our LA adults transport arrangement is that taxi firm has a standard contract with set day and timed bookings that taxi firm invoice for monthly and are paid if less than 24 hours notice of cancellation.

Besides the LA finance dept doesn't monitor if you cancelled or not, they just pay out on what contract says, so you'd have to let them (council) know. Not in your interest to do so really for an odd day here - only worth doing for eg a (known ahead of time) week off due to sickness or holiday that can be put on as a break or variation.

@AmberAndAlexsMum please be reassured that missing one day a month out of 3-5 days a week attendance at college really is not a big deal at all in terms of transport arrangements. The council benefit from lower rates with set booking so it more than evens out.
Infact missing one day a month on average is an excellent average success rate for a young adult or minor child with SEN disabilities. His needs are known because they've been assessed, so don't worry about that aspect.

You're doing brilliantly. Glad you are letting the council deal with it. Everything you are doing is what we'd expect a reasonable (by contacting taxi driver direct as soon as you know) and caring Mum of a disabled child to do.

As others have said if you rang the council or even the taxi company direct the individual driver wouldn't get the message until too late!

Transport contracts don't work like that at all. Not when the council are arranging and have contracted for it.
Besides the taxi driver ought be paid as I'm almost 95% certain that the taxi firm are being paid for short notice cancellations.

I am so surprised by the number of posts saying it's reasonable for the taxi driver to express his frustration to the OP. On what planet is it ok for him to make ANY comment, negative or positive, about his working arrangements to her?! It is completely inappropriate that he has ever mentioned this to her, never mind repeatedly doing so. His emotional response to this has literally nothing to do with her whatsoever, and it's not ok in the slightest to make her aware of it.

If you’re going to call people thick then at least use correct grammar yourself 😂🥴

(no apostrophe in thickos clever clogs)

It must be annoying for him though.

Ah, did I touch a nerve??

Seems like it 🤣🤣

As this is a 25 mile journey it is unlikely that the OP would be able to contact the transport team before the pick up time.

Our child used to get picked before 7am and the only way to stop the transport was to contact the driver directly, it was that way for 7 years and not once did any driver behave in the way described by the OP, they just thanked me for letting them know.

Why are you dealing directly with the driver? Surely you ring should his firm and he then moans at them?

this is a difficult situation. I can see how you feel. I would feel the same as am in chronic pain and my sleep suffers due to disability.
Could you say your son has a disability and this is variable?
Most of the general public are quite ignorant about variable disability and need to be educated. most assume if you can do something once, you can do it all the time.
Maybe say that your ds struggles with consistency due to medication side effects?
one thing is certain is- you are not responsible for this taxi drivers wages. surely the taxi driver had no grasp of what disabilities are.
so i would change drivers & surely its between the taxi company and council.

Hope things get easier for you and take no notice of some of the harsher responses to your post. you are going through a lot just by raising a disabled child. xx

I so hope you can resolve his sleep issues that would open up so much to him and you'd get the break you need .
I made sure I resolved this issue with my daughter.

It’s very lucky you were able to.

some people aren’t able to “make sure” they resolve it no matter what they do.

If it doesn’t resolve its not the OP’s fault, sometimes it’s just not resolvable

I work in a primary autism resource base attached to a mainstream school and 80% of our lovelies are bussed in. Yes it is normal for the drivers and parents to contact each other directly but suggested contact is mininimal - ie parent text to say "no collection needed today due to illness", or driver to text "we are outside waiting - will be leaving in 5" if no answer at the door. If it was brought to light that one of our drivers was routinely complaining about issues like this direct to parents then our base manager would likely complain on parents behalf to the transport company.

I'm assuming your DC is alone on transport, and not sharing with other children? Although he should still be getting paid as the company still will still be invoicing for the total amount of the contract whether all days are used or not. The company we use for our contracts group them together so we have anything from 2 to 8 children collected along a route. The poor first pickups on the big bus are often collected at 7:15 and don't get home til gone 5... its such a long day for them at 7 and 8 years old 😔

My son gets a council paid taxi to his SEN school. I text the driver if he’s sick and 9/10 times he will turn up anyway, either saying he didn’t get the text or pulling up, sitting there for 5 mins then driving away. I guess that way his GPS still says he turned up and he gets paid.

I wouldn’t say that from reading what you’ve said that he is trying to emotionally blackmail you. It just seems like he is sharing his frustrations, which is not your problem.

My son is 12 and has SEN also has a taxi to school. We had some issues with our driver regarding turning up unannounced expecting to come in before we even knew he was our driver, also a few other issues. I contacted the transport team and they resolved it. I suggest contact transport and say that the driver keeps sending these messages and whilst you understand your main concern is your child's welfare and you are not sending your child if they are not up to it just so he can get paid. Log the complaint and if it carries on request they change the driver.

Ring the office. Or council transport.

Ds gets a taxi to his SEN school. His driver would never do this.

Ds usually goes in to school every day (I’d happily send him with his legs hanging on by threads 🤣) but in the 2 years she’s taken him, we’ve had him off a week for covid, weeks holiday, periods of illness when he’s been sent home from school and told not to return him for such and such days, the taxi would only ever text and ask if he’s ok, etc etc. One illness she even bought him some sweets to the house.

Never mentioned anything about not being paid.

Its not very professional of your driver to be complaining to you. Asif you keep him off for the fun of it ffs.

Contracts get paid whether your child gets the lift or not. Any mine payment issue is from taxi drivers employer not your son not going to school!
I’d personally be requesting a new driver & putting a complaint in about the current one. He shouldn’t take the job if he can’t deal with the illnesses his passengers suffer with meaning they can’t always make the transport!
He is purely there to support your son getting too & from school, he knows the child he is transporting has extra needs & issues to be taken into consideration yet he chooses to make you feel guilty for something outside of your control!
Taxi driver is bang out of order!!

With a local authority contract the driver will not have turned down other bookings because of that contract, he would not be able to take any other bookings in the first place, the drivers are contracted for the school run regardless of whether that school run takes place or not and if it doesn't then the drivers are generally free to accept bookings through the taxi company.

All our local drivers who take on school/college runs know exactly what the terms and conditions of the contract are and are more than happy with it.
No driver should make a parent/carer feel guilty about a child who has SEN and/or Disabilities who cannot attend school/college for whatever reason. They should take it up with the contract provider, whether that is the taxi company or the Local Authority.

The OP has done nothing wrong.

His problem, not yours.
He doesn't have to make himself available for the work.

Is he allowed to complain to her though? I can see how he might complain to his boss that he has to leave this slot free every day which causes him to lose money - but why would it be ok to moan to the mum?

Yes you're got a point there There are lots of workers on zero hours contracts and self employed who are expected to make themselves available as an employed person would. That seems very unfair he should be paid. I wonder why he's saying he doesn't?
Is he definitely the same person (presumably DBS trained) that was employed to drive?

My son has a diagnosis of Aspergers (although we just say Autism because I got fed up with telling people that no he isn't good at maths or art and no he doesn't have a special talent) he also has specific learning disabilities including an extremely slow speed of information processing and currently cannot get a driving licence and apparently he is not disabled enough to qualify for the mobility element of PIP.

It is unreasonable to assume that just because many people who have Aspergers do drive then the OP ds can just get a licence and learn to drive and get a mobility car.

The fact that there’s another child on the taxi run is really bothering me.

I’ve never known any taxi drivers (and two of mine at non SEN schools went by taxi for a year before a bus was set up because of location plus my DD who has always been taxi) who have been paid per child.

So why was he moaning to the OP when he’d still have got paid for taking the other child? It doesn’t make any sense.

I really, really, really hope someone in that line of work wasn’t hoping the OP would feel bad and slip him a few quid to help out.

Dear @1DoesNotSimplyWalkIntoMordor

Please reread the post you commented on.

Did not say ALL Aspergers type autistics can drive.

I said they are more capable of pursuing things like driving.

I made no assumption that OP’s son would definitely be able to drive nor that he would definitely be able to get a Mobility car - in a later post suggested if sufficient level of PIP not attained, the family fund or other grants could help.

What I was saying was it was reasonable to suggest - if physically possible - that he could be given the opportunity of learning to drive as a way to motivate him and to take away the pressure and stress of a taxi driver waiting for him every morning.