Taxi driver emotionally blackmailing me

[AmberAndAlexsMum]

Sounds drastic I know, but my ds (17) goes to an SEN college, which is 25 miles away. He gets a taxi, paid for by the council, to take him and bring him back.

Now ds has severe sleep issues, he's had all his life, and sometimes he simply cannot sleep at night and ends up too exhausted to go in. If this happens I always text the driver as early as possible.

Over the last 6 months or so, every time I've texted him to say ds isn't going in, he's responded by complaining that he's losing money as he only gets paid when the kids go in.

I appreciate that, but surely he doesn't have the right to emotionally blackmail me? He knows I'm empathic and don't like causing problems, but I'm beginning to think that he is deliberately doing this.

AIBU to expect him to accept that ds can't always go to college? I've had no problems with previous drivers and I always make sure to let them know before they leave home.

Apologies posted under another name had used when having covid issues….

So cross at people being insulting and nasty without realising I was blunt due to my condition!!

I know plenty about autism and the situation described shouts to me that the kid isn’t happy or coping and there are better alternatives/ways to address it out there that will make him happier and less stressed.

Completely reasonable to suggest the option of driving msg motivate him and take away the demand pressure of the taxi driver waiting for him everyday and Mum being stressed about it.

Because of course we want more tired drivers with major sleep problems out and about on our roads ...

Ok. There are no winners here.

I am a mother of a child with SEN who due to NO fault of his own cannot get up for school because he has been up all night because he is having sleep issues. I have been told NOT to send him in tired. I ring the taxi man and tell him that he will not be needed that morning because my son will not be attending school through no fault of his own or mine. It should be left there instead of taxi man telling me his woes about not getting paid, it is not my problem.

I am a taxi driver. I drive and get paid for bringing a child with SEN to school every morning. I do not get paid if I don't bring him. I make myself available every morning at the same time. I then get a phone call from child's mother saying my services are not needed. I am down money. I am frustrated. If I don't bring him, I don't collect him either. That is going to affect me paying my family's bill this week. I wrongly explain this to the mother on the phone due to my frustration at being cancelled again at short notice. I should know that is is not her fault and I am venting to the wrong person but I am trying to look after my own family in a cost of living crisis like she is trying to take care of hers. I had figured that money into my budget for this week and now it has been taken away, I am pissed off. I need to go and speak to my employers making them aware of the situation and seeing if they can do anything about it.

He’s being weirdly confrontational. I’ve been in the same situation (using a taxi service for the same reason). I’m sure they get paid regardless.

Oh so many ignorant clueless comments!

Op I am glad you've been able to take advice from those with experience and/or empathy on the thread.

Info for those not living this life:

🔸Every local authority will have a different contract for Sen transport with taxi companies. They'll put the contract out to tender and then choose from those taxi companies that express interest in the contract. Usually going with the cheapest.

🔸In some local authorities the post 16 transport is funded. In some it's not. In some it's a bit of both. In my local authority post 16 transport isn't fully funded and parents pay towards the costs.

🔸Having a child with complex needs who accesses their education via a taxi for Sen transport is enormously stressful for various reasons. One of which being your child may or may not have slept, or be well enough for education. Another being the taxi may run late or not turn up, which in turn affects your child.

🔸Often parents end up directly communicating with the taxi driver or passenger assistant as they find that if they call the transport team, the message isn't relayed to the driver or assistant in time. This direct communication benefits the taxi driver. To then have the guilt trip of hearing about their bills is uncalled for. If they aren't happy with the terms of their contract they can take it up with the firm they taxi for.

OP I hope you get a nice new driver, your DS and you have a nice chilled day, and that tomorrow is a better day. From a mum in the same boat with an 18 year old with complex needs.

@SensationalSusie, OP's son has had to miss college four times since September because of the sleep issue. Why does that lead you to be so sure that he's not coping? Let alone that different sleeping tablets will resolve the problem?

It’s his problem that he took a job that has customers who may not always be able to use the service and the agreement with the employer is that he will only be paid for each pick up.

Since September we've probably cancelled the taxi, due to exhaustion, 4 times. He's had time off for sickness as well

I think it is important to note that is has NOT been 4 times, it has been more than that due to sickness.

you got this the wrong way around.

Its highly unprofessional AND INAPPROPRIATE for the Taxi driver to be engaging in direct text messages with the OP.

@waynesworldpartytimeexcellent Are you the driver of OPs son? Or were you referring to a different mother you spoke to on the phone?

Didn’t take long for the “can’t believe tax payers are paying for someone with special needs to receive the care and education they require” comment.

a minibus only makes sense if enough people on a sensible route attend that school. Otherwise you may end up with students any variety of SEN being driven around for others to be picked up, the time that takes, the potential distress, disruption, etc.

did the thinking for you. You’re welcome.

@Xrays I’ve been on DLA/PIP from adulthood. My son is on DLA. I know full well what I am talking about and the amount of paperwork, information and level of disability that is required to be provided for the various rates.

I know full well what I am saying so please do not be patronising. If PIP is not of a level to consider a car and they are on low income the family fund is an option to provide driving lessons and potentially a grant. Lots of other grants available too.

He shouldn’t be prevented from normal routes of progression through life because he is autistic! But be supported to independence as much as is possible.

If the taxi and demand to be somewhere is a problem, having independence could help.

As could stronger medication for a short period of time as he transitions into a new environment - I had to take quite strong sleeping tablets when starting new places and it helped me. My suggestion to ask for GP help/meds at this juncture is valid.

I am neither, don't be silly. I am seeing both sides. Both sides have a right to be pissed off but the driver has no right to vent to the mother like that, he should take it up with his employers.

@waynesworldpartytimeexcellent I'm not being silly, it was a genuine question as the stories sounded so similar.

Do agree with this! He should be getting some last minute cancellation payment. This is standard with most services.
However as council have the contract with him and pay, be should take this up with them.

Sounds as if you're getting good support from your LA.

A friend works as a chaperone for 2 children who get taxis to and from school. She gets paid if they don't travel for short notice cancellations as does the taxi company.

In our LA they are struggling to get drivers to do school runs because they are too one sided. It's not as easy as 'get a new driver'. The council doesn't care enough to make the contracts better for drivers & the children are the ones that miss out. (And the parents that need the kids to be in school)

Drivers (in our area - councils all have their own rules) don't get paid for council errors (incorrect term dates) or impromptu parent pick ups or where the parent/school/council doesn't let them know it's sports day/parent art day etc.

As I said earlier, it's NOT a 'cushy' contract.

yes the driver can choose not to take the contract, but taxi driving (around here at least, and it's a reasonably affluent area) has become very difficult since covid arrived & more so since the CoL. Loads of taxi drivers have stopped because they can't make ends meet despite working all hours. Which people (naturally) don't notice/care about until they can't get a taxi or worse still their elderly parents can't get one.

Emmmm ok then.

@waynesworldpartytimeexcellent ok 🤔 what an odd response and no idea why you are being so rude.

Because she’s said he has been sick a lot and off college too which just creates a vicious cycle. (Missing work = more pressure = higher stress)

When I’m stressed my cortisol levels go up which impacts the immune system and I tend to get sick A LOT.

This has been my whole life, and tends to occur when I’m changing college/Uni/job in particular with the huge change and new things/people to get used to.

Happens a lot with autistics.

If the sleep is disrupted majorly this also has major impact on health. If it could even be resolved for a short period maybe 6-8 weeks it could help him to stay more resilient, not get sick and cope with the transition to college better… is my thinking.

I found it helped me when moving somewhere new/around assessment times - had less time off as wasn’t exhausted and got sick much less.

@SnowlayRoundabout forgot to tag you sorry, please see my answer above.

The poster horrified that "us tax payers" are funding SEN transport out of county for kids, perhaps you should instead be outraged that so many children with complex special needs have to trek in and out of county on a daily basis purely to access the education that meets their complex individual needs. I'm sure most parent carers would rather tax payers money funded local Sen provision for their children! It is an awful feeling sending your very vulnerable child out of town without you everyday just so they can go to a school or college that meets their needs and they can be educated like every other child. 😔 And if there's enough kids going from A to B to make it viable to put on a minibus then surely that shows even more local need for sepcialist provision in the area. The transport issue is a red herring. The lack of local specialist education is the real issue.

Therefore the taxi driver is lacking empathy

But the taxi driver is being expected to keep himself available at all times that the DS needs transport, even if it's then cancelled. WOuld you like being on call like this, and receive no payment?

This is a crappy employment/self employment setup with the council.

The issue here is the council taking the piss with a man who has bills, a mortgage etc.

Driver shouldn't be putting this on the service user (OP) but the real issue is the council exploiting workers.

@LancelotsLeftArm
That’s if he is on a contract where he does not get paid if there’s a late cancellation.
It is open to him to not work for the contract.
He presumably could take up self-employment and sit on a taxi rank or work for a cab company that just does the usual taxi runs.
As it’s described this driver is behaving as if he had a zero hours contract with his employer. His choice to take it.
There are thousands of taxi drivers who don’t do the contracted school runs to SEN schools.

And the council will not be directly employing him.