Is it wrong for a 3 year old to carry a cuddly toy 24/7

[Curiosity101]

I was discussing this with someone earlier and they were concerned my 3 year old (3y4m if it makes a difference) was wanting to carrying a cuddly toy with him 24/7. They were worried it was an issue as it means he's doing everything 1 handed ie. Eating one handed, drawing one handed etc. They also said he's too old for it now, and he shouldn't need to take it everywhere with him.

I figured we can very easily take the toy from him or get him to set it down to one side whilst doing an activity. But I can't actually see why it's an issue. If he needs 2 hands he uses 2 hands, if he can make do with one then he'd rather hold his cuddly in the other hand/arm.

He forms really strong attachments to things in general. For example his favourite bag of marbles that goes everywhere with him (that he also sleeps with).

I'm going to do a bit of research and chat further with the person. Because I'd like us to figure something out that works for everyone. But until today I'd not considered it was in any way abnormal or a problem.

If you think IABU and you'd be willing to elaborate I'm really curious.

For a start I wouldn't be letting a child sleep with a bag of marbles. For obvious reasons. The soft toy is not a problem. 3yo do make strong attachments to toys and will take them everywhere for security.

My DD is now 13 and totally unaffected by having a toy stuffed under one arm for most of her childhood. Your DS won't be able to do it when he starts school and will adapt. Perhaps they are practising for when they have our DGCs?

Soft toy not an issue, a 3 Yr old sleeping with a bag of marbles is a huge choking risk

Wouldn't really think twice about the soft toys but I wouldn't leave any 3yo unattended with marbles. Not worth the risk.

I don't see it as a problem but remember the nursery having issues with it.

I wouldn't be massively concerned about the cuddly toy as long as he is happy to put it down when he needs to, such as to use both hands or go to the loo or something.
Does he go to nursery or preschool yet? They may encourage you to wean him off the cuddly toy as it's not practical for him to have it at school.

I would be concerned about carrying marbles around and sleeping with them as he could choke.

We don't let DD (10) take her v special favourite teddy out of the house unless it's to go to a sleep over or on hol in cAse she loses it but she has it most of the time shes at home, doesn't hinder her at all

I assume the person who made the comment is your partner or parent? In which case maybe they have a skewed sense of "normal" ?! I know my husband often thinks our kids' behaviour is out of the ordinary until I explain every one of my friends is experiencing the same thing (toddlers tantrum 🙄).

Unless it's a professional who has reason to be concerned I would smile and ignore. (But echo others' views about marbles in bed - not a good idea)

toy Is fine , bag of marbles?? No way

I don't think the toy is an issue at all. My now 7 year old absolutely adores her cuddly and would take him to school if she was allowed.

Of course it's not a problem if it gives him comfort and he certainly isn't too old. When he feels ready he will stop carrying it with him everywhere. And as you say if he needs to use two hands he will put it down.
Who is the person who said it was.wrong. Do they have particular interest in child development?

My dc is 6 and still Carrie's favourite cuddly toy everywhere with them when they are allowed. I think its lovely that he has such a strong attachment.

The problem with special soft toys and nursery and school is they inevitably get lost and that causes distress. So if you can gently encourage him to leave anything special at home before going to nursery or school - maybe having a ritual that it stays in the car or your bag to say hello to when he comes out it avoids that hazard. Getting v attached to objects is completely normal for that age - it's what teddies abd dollies are for. One of mine inexplicably became attached to an orange at that age, I had to keep swappingthe orange, known as Orangey as it became mouldy. And err middle child still has her special bobble hat to wear in bed on bad days. She's 15, but by far the quirkiest of my kids.

Do they go to a nursery or preschool?
I used to work in one and we didn't allow toys from home (after initial settling) for a few reasons. It started in covid and nothing was allowed to be brought into setting. It stopped arguments over who could touch/play with the toy and frantic searching for it at home time when they'd decided to hide it or stash it somewhere and couldn't remember where, or gone home without it and one of us invariably had to go back to work at 7pm to let frantic parent get it coz little Johnny just couldn't sleep without it. And quite frankly some of the things they used to bring in were absolutely filthy.
With all this in mind I'd say no they don't need to be attached to their comfort toy 24/7.

If he genuinely puts it down whenever it would be best to use two hands, then it's fine. If want he's actually doing is making do with one hand when he ideally needs two then I can see their point.

It's obviously fine to be attached to a toy and want to take it with them, but not to the extent that it is limiting their development. So, for example, you do need two hands to eat if you're using cutlery properly, but he's eating one handed....so not putting the toy down when he needs to. The same with drawing, most children will use one hand to hold the pen and the other to steady themselves/hold the paper and this will give the best result. You can draw with one hand, but it's isn't the best method.

I'm assuming that this has come up in a childcare context?

The teddy isn’t a problem but at this age I would be starting to look at changing things so teddy stays at home when you go out. Much safer than the issues of a lost toy!

I would not be concerned about him carrying the toy (not marbles though ffs) at home, but I would if he is taking it outside the home (shops, nursery, park, restaurants etc). One day or another it will get lost and the heartbreak is just not worth it.

Dd is 12 and her special teddy went EVERYWHERE with us for the first 8 years of her life. He is now a very much loved and patched up toy who lives on her bed. She is none the worse for her intense affection for him in her earlier years.

For many it does limit their play they may avoid physical stuff because they can't carry it when climbing, not hold implements properly like paper and scissors, they may kick off or become distressed when others touch or play with it...even look interested in it...so it pushes them away from making friends. Most use it from habit not because they really need it happily putting it in a bag never selling for it then as soon as mum or dad appears crying for it or parent automatically digging it out and giving it....which says to child your not okay without teddy/blanket/ dummy.
Most are smelly filthy things full of bugs and yuck

Marbles ? Are you serious ?

The only issue I see is having to take it off them for pre school/ school or if you lose it

He does go to nursery/preschool but we'd already told him he couldn't take his cuddlies to nursery for many of the reasons listed above. He only attends nursery for 5 half days a week. The rest of his time he's with his childminder who he has been with full time from being 12 months old.

She's the one who's concerned about the cuddly situation and feels he's too old and that he should be using two hands for everything. I'll have to chat her with her properly as this was quite a quick (5-10mins) at pick up.

We'll have to figure something out that suits everyone. Worst case scenario, cuddly of the day will need to just stay in the car at drop off if it's a problem.

As others have said, the marbles are a choking hazard.

As for the soft toy, it might be fine but it might not be. If your friend has commented on the specific issue of doing everything one handed then maybe she has a point. When you say he’ll use two hands if he “needs” two hands, what does that mean? If he’s using two hands as much as without the toy (i.e. putting it down when it’s more convenient to use two hands) then it’s no problem but if he’s only putting it down when he absolutely has no choice at all then that will impact his development of motor skills - especially if he always holds it in one hand. It’s worth looking at to see just in case. No harm in monitoring it but, also, keep in mind that many childcare settings and schools wouldn’t want him taking it (for a huge variety of reasons, most of which are for the benefit of him so finding other coping mechanisms for him in the long run would be in his best interests).

There’s no real drama to be had here but better safe that sorry - it’s something to keep an eye on.

His favourite cuddly does change semi regularly. I'd say over the past year he's had maybe 4 different favourites. We did have a situation where a previous favourite did go missing and we had to buy a replacement, now we have 2 of those cause we found the missing one.

But that's no longer his favourite 😅🤷

The CM though a smaller setting will have similar issues to nursery added to that is if she goes out and about with him, it risks being lost somewhere e.g. a park, playground, shop, street.

If he's lucky someone will put it on a fence or wall so the CM can find it retracing her steps but if he's not it is gone forever.