Page 3 | Is it wrong for a 3 year old to carry a cuddly toy 24/7

Curiosity101 · 2023-01-04T18:37:33+00:00

I was discussing this with someone earlier and they were concerned my 3 year old (3y4m if it makes a difference) was wanting to carrying a cuddly toy with him 24/7. They were worried it was an issue as it means he's doing everything 1 handed ie. Eating one handed, drawing one handed etc. They also said he's too old for it now, and he shouldn't need to take it everywhere with him. I figured we can very easily take the toy from him or get him to set it down to one side whilst doing an activity. But I can't actually see why it's an issue. If he needs 2 hands he uses 2 hands, if he can make do with one then he'd rather hold his cuddly in the other hand/arm. He forms really strong attachments to things in general. For example his favourite bag of marbles that goes everywhere with him (that he also sleeps with). I'm going to do a bit of research and chat further with the person. Because I'd like us to figure something out that works for everyone. But until today I'd not considered it was in any way abnormal or a problem. If you think IABU and you'd be willing to elaborate I'm really curious.

BedfordBloo · 04/01/2023 20:23

Curiosity101 · 04/01/2023 20:15

I'm ignoring the marble issue because I think what people are imagining is very different to the reality.

I can assure everyone he is no more at risk of accidentally swallowing a marble whilst in bed than he is when he's playing with them. The bag is sealed - he can't get them out without adult help and supervision.

You know that, at some point, he’ll gain the ability to get them out and you may or may not be there when he manages to do it for the first time. You’re correct that he’s no more likely to choke when playing with them so he shouldn’t be playing with them unsupervised either.

bakewellbride · 04/01/2023 20:26

@BedfordBloo exactly. One day he'll learn. Also bags can break through wear and tear. It's just not safe.

BellePeppa · 04/01/2023 20:27

My son was obsessive about a particular soft toy at that age. It went everywhere including holidays abroad. As he got older the attachment loosened and now as an adult he doesn’t give it a thought and didn’t take it to Uni etc. We still have it though, I’d never get rid of it. I never tried to wean him off it, it just happened naturally.

AlwaysGinPlease · 04/01/2023 20:29

Curiosity101 · 04/01/2023 20:15

I'm ignoring the marble issue because I think what people are imagining is very different to the reality.

I can assure everyone he is no more at risk of accidentally swallowing a marble whilst in bed than he is when he's playing with them. The bag is sealed - he can't get them out without adult help and supervision.

Rude to ignore it when posts mention it and that's ridiculous. Why you would even risk it is beyond me.

MysteryBelle · 04/01/2023 20:30

Marbles choking hazard so keep those out of reach unless supervised.

Re cuddly. Absolutely fine. I wouldn’t force him to stop, he’s only 3! My son had a huge attachment to a specific cuddly for several years. We treated the cuddly almost as a member of the family (obviously our son knew it was just a toy, but it also represented more to him and we acknowledged that). He grew out of it on his own. He is a very independent teenager.

I don’t understand child minder having an issue. Your son is so so young. I wouldn’t mind even if child was 5, 6, 7 if they had a little attachment. That’s still a young child. Many adults try to make children grow up when they’re still children. I had a relative who said my child shouldn’t be playing with toys at 8-10 years old. What? That relative was not a person I trusted for various reasons. You’re the mother of your son, op, not your child minder.

ClubhouseGift · 04/01/2023 20:31

Curiosity101 · 04/01/2023 20:15

I'm ignoring the marble issue because I think what people are imagining is very different to the reality.

I can assure everyone he is no more at risk of accidentally swallowing a marble whilst in bed than he is when he's playing with them. The bag is sealed - he can't get them out without adult help and supervision.

Ah. You can’t say no to him.

You don’t want to deal with the tantrum despite his safety being at risk.

BellePeppa · 04/01/2023 20:32

BellePeppa · 04/01/2023 20:27

My son was obsessive about a particular soft toy at that age. It went everywhere including holidays abroad. As he got older the attachment loosened and now as an adult he doesn’t give it a thought and didn’t take it to Uni etc. We still have it though, I’d never get rid of it. I never tried to wean him off it, it just happened naturally.

Honestly, forget worrying about the cuddly toy and focus on the marble issue!

BellePeppa · 04/01/2023 20:33

BellePeppa · 04/01/2023 20:32

Honestly, forget worrying about the cuddly toy and focus on the marble issue!

Show quote history

Wrong quote but this it’s aimed at the OP not myself 🥴

Lostmummy5 · 04/01/2023 20:34

Jesus, she didn't ask your opinion about marbles.
Only mothers who have sensitive kids will understand that - sometimes all the world depends on one or two toys.
My son has a TERRIBLE wooden frankenstein - chipped (yes, you can educate me, it's hazard), dirty (I can't remove stains from wood). But it's his favourite toy ever, despite the fact he has his own playroom with hundreds of toys.
In my opinion - it's absolutely fine.

Sparklingbrook · 04/01/2023 20:37

DS2 was very attached to a cuddly toy at that age. He took it into nursery and it was decided it would sit on top of the piano for the duration he was there ‘watching’ him then he’d take him back at home time. Nobody was bothered by it.

Gagaandgag · 04/01/2023 20:38

Bag of marbles in bed? Are you joking?

Angelicat · 04/01/2023 20:39

Of course some kids are more sensitive than others, and attachments to a toy can be very very strong - but that doesn’t override a very clear safety reason to not allow a child to have a particular toy.

Whinge · 04/01/2023 20:39

Only mothers who have sensitive kids will understand that - sometimes all the world depends on one or two toys.

So if the child wanted to carry around a knife or scissors that would be fine?

OPs DS has shown he's flexible with the soft toys and changes favourites quite frequently, so i'm sure he would be happy with something else in a small bag. Safety comes first and I really don't want the OP to wake up one morning to a dead child.

trampoline123 · 04/01/2023 20:39

Curiosity101 · 04/01/2023 20:15

I'm ignoring the marble issue because I think what people are imagining is very different to the reality.

I can assure everyone he is no more at risk of accidentally swallowing a marble whilst in bed than he is when he's playing with them. The bag is sealed - he can't get them out without adult help and supervision.

Until one day when he can...

Newuser82 · 04/01/2023 20:40

My son was like this too until the age of about 6. He grew out of it. No problem. Marbles I may reconsider though.

Herejustforthisone · 04/01/2023 20:40

Can people stop going on about the bloody marbles?

Herejustforthisone · 04/01/2023 20:43

My toddler takes loads of Lego (not Duplo) to bed. He’s yet to try to randomly eat them.

ClubhouseGift · 04/01/2023 20:43

Herejustforthisone · 04/01/2023 20:43

My toddler takes loads of Lego (not Duplo) to bed. He’s yet to try to randomly eat them.

Why would you take that risk?

verytired42 · 04/01/2023 20:44

a favoured soft toy is a transitional object (helps them cope with separation from you) and as such is 1.) healthy and 2.) should not be taken away. It would be cruel to do so. Ignore childminder who doesn’t seem to understand attachment and coping with separation properly.

OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss · 04/01/2023 20:44

My twenty year old (tattoos, smokes and goes clubbing) lives in a hose share still sleeps with his Doggie and has him (or what's left of him) draped round his neck whilst gaming.

His twin sister is the same with her Bunny. We got back ups as they were so attached. Bunny got lost a few times (airports and accidentally sold under a toy pram in a charity shop)
These are the things you should mitigate against everything else about you attachment is fine and very sweet

Angelicat · 04/01/2023 20:46

Herejustforthisone · 04/01/2023 20:43

My toddler takes loads of Lego (not Duplo) to bed. He’s yet to try to randomly eat them.

Just because that may be true doesn’t make it a safe thing for him to do. Common sense says you don’t give a three year old choking hazards unsupervised , especially not at the time they’re the least supervised it’s possible to be. Weird to make giving your kids unsafe stuff to sleep with a kind of badge of honour….

PeekAtYou · 04/01/2023 20:46

The marbles are a worrying issue. One day ds will be able to open the bag or he'll do what mine would have gone and try to get it open by other means like hunting for scissors or something.

I think that not having a cuddly at the CM is a good idea so that it's not lost and she's not having to be hyper vigilant about keeping it clean.

It sounds like your son isn't over attached as you say that if he lost it then you'd be able to deal with it. I don't think that anyone can answer the question about the effect on development because we don't know your son. Would he still do a 2 handed activity like climb or would he hesitate because he's got the cuddly? If he leaves the toy, climbs and returns to the toy then I wouldn't worry. Presumably he still washes both hands after he goes to the loo ?

reallyhatewinter · 04/01/2023 20:46

I think having a soft toy with him all the time is fine at that age when with you. He'll grow out of it eventually.
That said, I think the nursery and childminder are completely different. My CM never let any soft toys or any toys at her house. Not only in case they lost it, but if she'd allow it for one child, then all the others want to do it. Then you end up with certain children taking inappropriate toys (a 3 yr taking a car perhaps whilst there is a crawling baby who puts everything in their mouth) and it gets stressful for CM. Easier to say no toys/teddies at all.

MysteryBelle · 04/01/2023 20:47

OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss · 04/01/2023 20:44

My twenty year old (tattoos, smokes and goes clubbing) lives in a hose share still sleeps with his Doggie and has him (or what's left of him) draped round his neck whilst gaming.

His twin sister is the same with her Bunny. We got back ups as they were so attached. Bunny got lost a few times (airports and accidentally sold under a toy pram in a charity shop)
These are the things you should mitigate against everything else about you attachment is fine and very sweet

Love this!

jamimmi · 04/01/2023 20:50

Ummm is now the time to admit I have a 15 yr old who still wonders round the house with her stuffed toy ..? She's left handed but.i don't think that's the reason. No other issues though