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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it wrong for a 3 year old to carry a cuddly toy 24/7

111 replies

Curiosity101 · 04/01/2023 18:37

I was discussing this with someone earlier and they were concerned my 3 year old (3y4m if it makes a difference) was wanting to carrying a cuddly toy with him 24/7. They were worried it was an issue as it means he's doing everything 1 handed ie. Eating one handed, drawing one handed etc. They also said he's too old for it now, and he shouldn't need to take it everywhere with him.

I figured we can very easily take the toy from him or get him to set it down to one side whilst doing an activity. But I can't actually see why it's an issue. If he needs 2 hands he uses 2 hands, if he can make do with one then he'd rather hold his cuddly in the other hand/arm.

He forms really strong attachments to things in general. For example his favourite bag of marbles that goes everywhere with him (that he also sleeps with).

I'm going to do a bit of research and chat further with the person. Because I'd like us to figure something out that works for everyone. But until today I'd not considered it was in any way abnormal or a problem.

If you think IABU and you'd be willing to elaborate I'm really curious.

OP posts:
BedfordBloo · 04/01/2023 19:11

I’ve seen your update - if a childcare professional is indicating that it’s impacting his use of his hands (which is something that they monitor) then you need to take that on board. It’s not unsolicited advice, it’s a professional you’re paying to ensure the best interests of your child.

NerdyBird · 04/01/2023 19:12

My dd was almost surgically attached to her teddy at that age. It never prevented her from doing anything. We weaned her off having it in the day in preparation for school and now she's fine leaving it at home or in the car. She does prefer to have it when she's at home though.
Really the main risk is losing it - teddy is actually teddy mark 2.

LuciaLuciaLucia · 04/01/2023 19:12

What happens if you were to lose the cuddly toy? Do you have spare one? (Speaking from bitter experience😂. And make sure both of them are simmilary worn out…)

Murasakispillowbook · 04/01/2023 19:14

You let him sleep with marbles? That's a worry.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 04/01/2023 19:16

I would just encourage putting the toy next to him when doing a task- haven’t got to eliminate it but it’s clearly causing a bit of a faff for him and her.

Iizzyb · 04/01/2023 19:17

No issue at all with a soft toy if it helps the child go about their day.

My ds10 had a bunny comforter at nursery (he had about 6 tbh) and it always went to bed with him.

He has one very raggy toy now - she's like the skin horse in The Velveteen Rabbit.

People give lots of unhelpful advice I find iit's best just to smile & ignore them.

Marbles is a different matter but you asked about a soft toy x

WomanhoodIsABirthright · 04/01/2023 19:22

I don't think you need to find a solution that works for anyone but him.

Can you make him a sling or carrier? Modify a backpack?

Original poster
Curiosity101 · 04/01/2023 19:29

@WomanhoodIsABirthright I've carried him and his younger brother so he's very familiar with the concept. Maybe that is a good middle ground. If the teddy gets lost then it gets lost 🤷 we'll deal with that. And he doesn't take it to nursery/pre school, so we can stop him taking it to the CM too if necessary.

But I bet he'd love a little carrier for it. He's shoved teddies up his top loads and told me he's carrying them like his baby brother. I'll mention it to the CM and see what she thinks.

OP posts:
Bunnycat101 · 04/01/2023 19:30

both of mine have been very attached to their cuddlies. Current rule at nursery is that the 3/4 year olds leave them in their pigeon holes so they are there if they need them for comfort but trying to wean them off before school. Our reception just didn’t allow them full stop so they do need to learn to cope without otherwise school is really hard without that crutch. We have tried unsuccessful with my eldest to leave the favourite toy at home.

MargaretThursday · 04/01/2023 19:31

About 2.5/3yo was the stage where I started discouraging ds from carrying his soft toy for exactly the reason others have said-he might lose it.
I encouraged a couple of less precious ones for going places where one might get lost, and if we were going some where (eg hospital) where the special one was really needed, then he went in my bag until needed and went back there.

As he got older, ds would assess whether his toy was necessary or a loss risk, and he had times when he chose to leave it behind "in case" he always said.

Over 10 years later, I'm glad to report his toy is still safe and still shares his bed. However it almost never leaves the house, although apparently it really enjoys watching him game 🤣 . He still takes occasionally one of the spares when away overnight, but even that is rare now.

I would interpret as the others have, in that the CM is worried about it getting lost on her watch.

baffledcoconut · 04/01/2023 19:38

Mine had a kids Tula for the beloved bear. It made small childhood so much better- I didn’t have to carry the blasted thing and we knew where it was.

NosyNeighbour22 · 04/01/2023 19:42

My dc had a small cuddly toy that he was very attached to and he was allowed to take it to nursery but if had to stay in his tray. He could take it out and give it a cuddle whenever he wanted but he was discouraged from actually carrying it around. He is still very attached to it at home though. My 12 year old dd still carries a teddy around with her sometimes too although she is suspected asd so that might be why!

Icedlatteplease · 04/01/2023 19:46

Lazy childminder.

DS(15) has SN and remained attached to particular toy throughout. Whenever anyone wanted him to do something "here let teddy see here so he can watch you" or "shall Teddy do it first"

I wouldn’t have had that complaint because they would have just sorted it like the above.

Original poster
Curiosity101 · 04/01/2023 19:47

I'll add the nursery type approach to the list of suggestions for our CM too. Perhaps cuddly could have a safe place at her house where it's available but potentially less of a risk of loss and won't get in the way when he's doing activities 👍

OP posts:
ILoveeCakes · 04/01/2023 19:50

Has there been trauma in his life? Involving people he was close to/he should have been able to trust?

Paq · 04/01/2023 19:52

My DD carried her favourite soft toy with her to nursery/pre-school and the staff raised it. It made their lives a little trickier.

She's a perfectly functioning teenager now (as well as any teenager in any case).

ReindeerBelieve · 04/01/2023 19:58

My DS came to us at 3 with a snuggly that they carried around the house , to bed etc . When we first went away on hols he was about 5 and I said the snuggly had to stay at home looking after the house with the other toys (I had vision of it getting lost and it cannot be replaced) and luckily that worked and he took another random small bear with him.

DS is now 14 and still has the very precious snuggly - he goes to sleep with it at home sometimes especially if upset /triggered by a memory from pre adoption and it stays in his room. I don't think it has affected him being attached to it at all.

Original poster
Curiosity101 · 04/01/2023 19:59

@ILoveeCakes Not that I can think of no.

I'm suspected ASD and ADHD ie. A trained therapist and a friend who is also diagnosed have both encouraged me to go to the GP.

Along with that, DS was born almost 7 weeks early and has a lot of quirks in his personality. So I do suspect there may be more to his behaviour in general than just being 3 (he's like how I'd imagine I would be if I was 3 😅). But it's mild if there is anything atypical about him so I'm putting any quirks down to him being 3 for now.

It's probably besides the point though. If we can figure a way that DS and CM are both happy then that's the best solution.

OP posts:
SlagathaChristie · 04/01/2023 20:02

No real opinion on the cuddly toy, but please remove the marbles from him when he sleeps. He could so easily end up with one in his mouth and choke.

Whinge · 04/01/2023 20:05

SlagathaChristie · 04/01/2023 20:02

No real opinion on the cuddly toy, but please remove the marbles from him when he sleeps. He could so easily end up with one in his mouth and choke.

I agree. Op you haven't addressed comments like this, despite many posters mentioning it.

The cuddly toy is nothing compared to the risk from the marbles.

trampoline123 · 04/01/2023 20:08

I'd be more worried about the marbles!! Why on earth would you let him sleep with something that could choke him?! May as well give him a pack of batteries whilst you're at it.

AlwaysGinPlease · 04/01/2023 20:08

OP why are you ignoring the marbles issue?

Original poster
Curiosity101 · 04/01/2023 20:15

I'm ignoring the marble issue because I think what people are imagining is very different to the reality.

I can assure everyone he is no more at risk of accidentally swallowing a marble whilst in bed than he is when he's playing with them. The bag is sealed - he can't get them out without adult help and supervision.

OP posts:
Angelicat · 04/01/2023 20:20

Re the marbles, you’d be amazed at what kids can and do access if they have the inclination. Honestly, very little is genuinely unsafe but letting a three year old have unsupervised access to marbles is. Please stop allowing him to have them!

Angelicat · 04/01/2023 20:23

(And sorry to be pushing the issue but I wouldn’t even be letting a three year old play with marbles at all, even with supervision, and with a younger sibling around. They are so easily lost into a room, and kids could have them in their mouths and swallowed before an adult would notice. And because they’re completely smooth and not able to be bitten, the chances of them being swallowed once in the mouth are so high!)