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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is it wrong for a 3 year old to carry a cuddly toy 24/7

111 replies

Curiosity101 · 04/01/2023 18:37

I was discussing this with someone earlier and they were concerned my 3 year old (3y4m if it makes a difference) was wanting to carrying a cuddly toy with him 24/7. They were worried it was an issue as it means he's doing everything 1 handed ie. Eating one handed, drawing one handed etc. They also said he's too old for it now, and he shouldn't need to take it everywhere with him.

I figured we can very easily take the toy from him or get him to set it down to one side whilst doing an activity. But I can't actually see why it's an issue. If he needs 2 hands he uses 2 hands, if he can make do with one then he'd rather hold his cuddly in the other hand/arm.

He forms really strong attachments to things in general. For example his favourite bag of marbles that goes everywhere with him (that he also sleeps with).

I'm going to do a bit of research and chat further with the person. Because I'd like us to figure something out that works for everyone. But until today I'd not considered it was in any way abnormal or a problem.

If you think IABU and you'd be willing to elaborate I'm really curious.

OP posts:

fajitaaaa · 04/01/2023 22:06

If he can leave it for nursery he can leave it for childminders.

And wtf are you doing letting him sleep with marbles.

purpledalmation · 04/01/2023 22:17

Make him a tiny 'baby' carrier to put his cuddly in. At least he'd have 2 free hands.

Oblomov22 · 04/01/2023 22:20

No, I wouldn't let a 3 year old have a soft toy all the time. I would keep it for bedtime. During the day they should be using both hands to play, eat etc.

Hankunamatata · 04/01/2023 22:25

Mine have sen but mainstream. The school actually asked me to bring in soft toy for one of dc carried everywhere as was the only thing that calmed him down. It live in a special box during the school day and dc could go over take it out and chill with it instead meltdown then came home. He did this right until y5 and covid hit.

So perfectly fine for 3 year old to carry a soft toy about

jannier · 04/01/2023 22:36

BedfordBloo · 04/01/2023 19:11

I’ve seen your update - if a childcare professional is indicating that it’s impacting his use of his hands (which is something that they monitor) then you need to take that on board. It’s not unsolicited advice, it’s a professional you’re paying to ensure the best interests of your child.

This....she's obviously seen it's a problem

jannier · 04/01/2023 22:37

Curiosity101 · 04/01/2023 20:15

I'm ignoring the marble issue because I think what people are imagining is very different to the reality.

I can assure everyone he is no more at risk of accidentally swallowing a marble whilst in bed than he is when he's playing with them. The bag is sealed - he can't get them out without adult help and supervision.

Can't he rip the bag? What's it sealed with most are plastic that you could bite open

jannier · 04/01/2023 22:43

verytired42 · 04/01/2023 20:44

a favoured soft toy is a transitional object (helps them cope with separation from you) and as such is 1.) healthy and 2.) should not be taken away. It would be cruel to do so. Ignore childminder who doesn’t seem to understand attachment and coping with separation properly.

It's not a transitional toy if he happily leaves in car when asked, if he's happily settled and comes into play. If the childminder has noticed it's inhibiting his development in using two hands it is an issue. Why do you feel you know and understand the child through this post better than the professional that sees and works with him all the time?

Chocoverload · 04/01/2023 22:44

Yanbu but like with my dd there will come a time where the toy has to stay at home. For her it was around 3 when she went to preschool and there was a no toys from home policy although she often snuck it in her bag and nobody minded. When she went to school it had to stay home but still slept with her at night.

jannier · 04/01/2023 22:49

Gooseysgirl · 04/01/2023 21:44

No concern at all re soft toy and the person who said it to you is being totally ridiculous. Both my DC took their special cuddlies with them everywhere at that age, and this is completely normal behaviour in a 3 year old. At almost 11, my DD will still carry her teddy bear around with her sometimes at home - usually when she's relaxjng watching tv. DS (9) has a whole army of cuddlies in his bed and will usually bring one with him on car journeys.

It's not normal most 3 year olds do not take soft toys around with them when your at the gates how many do you see clutching soft toys.

RedAndBlueStripedGolfingUmbrella · 04/01/2023 23:02

I voted YANBU as of course it's not unreasonable to be attached to a cuddly toy at the age of 3, sounds perfectly healthy and normal!
Definitely wouldn't let sleep with a bag of marbles though, far too much of a choking hazard.

Gooseysgirl · 04/01/2023 23:55

It is absolutely normal behaviour! Attachment to a cuddly toy/comfort object is usually strongest at around 3/4 years of age. A young child should never be made to feel bad about this, or have it taken away.

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