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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sister "lectures" my son

108 replies

Jollofrice · 04/01/2023 08:50

Sister has son similar age to mine who we visit twice a year or so. Everyone gets on well. When her son does something "wrong" whether major or minor and on every instance he will get a long talk about why he had to say please/not run/how he was careless for dropping his good...Her voice is not raised,generally fair though the talks get repetitive. She does the same to my son and generally I let it pass whether I think fair or not however yesterday it just got to a point where I thought it's just sucking the fun out of the day/visit and the talks should be reserved for unsafe/important issues.

I see her son unhappy with these talks but not my place to comment on style of parenting.

I guess my tolerance for letting certain things go are higher than hers.

Example: My son was getting the last pizza slice from a box and asked if he could have it. He did lift it out of the box and Sister from halfway across the room said "No, that is John's" and walked towards him so being startled he tries to pass the slice to her and dropped it. Instantly she said "you dropped it because you were rushing. Stop rushing so much!".

I knew John already had a slice and my son also only had once slice. So I asked why was it John's as they both had a slice so maybe they could have shared it? She said I don't who had what and that is irrelevant here. He was rushing so dropped it which is strictly true.

AIBU - Sister is doing me a favour so that my son learns?

AIBNU - Sister has over reached her boundaries?

OP posts:
neverknowinglyunreasonable · 04/01/2023 08:54

"Aunt talks to nephew" doesn't sound terrible to me. I can see how the style clash would be annoying though.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 04/01/2023 08:57

What a non issue, she explained in a calm manner that he dropped the pizza because he was rushing, she was correct.

MrsColinRobinson · 04/01/2023 08:57

YANBU I used to experience similar with my sister. I ended up saying I'm perfectly capable of disciplining my own child and she stopped doing it.

I recommend you do the same.

Dancingdragonhiddentiger · 04/01/2023 08:58

It would annoy me too.

Holly60 · 04/01/2023 09:02

It would wind me up too. Everyone knows why he dropped it, it doesn't need pointing out.

Plus if you wanted to get into it, you could say he was only rushing because she incorrectly told him he couldn't have it.

The correct response to a child dropping something is 'oopsy daisy. Grab a cloth for me sweetie we'll mop it up'. 😀

RudsyFarmer · 04/01/2023 09:05

She sounds like a bully.

Wolfiefan · 04/01/2023 09:07

Would love to know her side of this!
How old is he? Old enough to ask before picking up the food?

Stickytoff · 04/01/2023 09:07

Sounds very controlling but not much you can do if she doesn’t recognise her behaviour. Maybe you could start lectures on her behaviour when she dies it to your son and see how she likes it. 🤣🤣 Just kidding there isn’t much you can really do.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 04/01/2023 09:13

Controlling?

A Bully?

Am I reading a different thread? 😂

girlmom21 · 04/01/2023 09:17

She literally told him not to rush. That's not a lecture. It's not controlling or bullying.

How old are the boys?

Halo1234 · 04/01/2023 09:22

That's a bit much imo. He is a guest in her home. Is your ds bothered? I think yanbu

StaceySolomonSwash · 04/01/2023 09:29

Adults that deliberately fluster children and then blame them for panicking and dropping or making a mistake (like the sister did) are nasty. My ex did that until I pointed out that DS only reacted like that when he was around to hector him, all other times DS wasn't clumsy that he realised he was the problem. Sister needs to butt out and parent her own son, not her nephew.

CanofCant · 04/01/2023 09:34

How old are they both?

Letitrainletitrainletitrain · 04/01/2023 09:40

Sounds like she flustered him which is why he dropped it, doesn't sound worthy of a telling off.

I would be tempted to tell her to butt out, she essentially told him off because she told him her son should get the pizza slice when she didn't know who had what, sounds like she was rushing

WimpoleHat · 04/01/2023 09:42

Sounds like a clash of styles and no more than that. Just don’t do as often if you find it annoying.

Kanaloa · 04/01/2023 09:43

Do you actually enjoy visiting her? She sounds way OTT and quite unfair. Maybe you could invite her to your home instead of being at hers, then you’re in control of what behaviour is acceptable (and having a second slice of pizza is definitely acceptable).

Nimbostratus100 · 04/01/2023 09:43

Sounds like a minor gripe. For what its worth, I actually think you are lucky to have other adults in your life prepared to discipline your son. SO much of the time these days nobody says anything at all to other people's children.

Herejustforthisone · 04/01/2023 09:48

I explain stuff to my child when he’s done wrong. He’s three though. It sounds a bit sanctimonious so I can see why you’d be irked.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 04/01/2023 09:48

Nimbostratus100 · 04/01/2023 09:43

Sounds like a minor gripe. For what its worth, I actually think you are lucky to have other adults in your life prepared to discipline your son. SO much of the time these days nobody says anything at all to other people's children.

I couldnt agree more!

I think a lot of the people who have commented sound the type to storm the school gates because a teacher looked at their child the wrong way.

10HailMarys · 04/01/2023 09:50

My son was getting the last pizza slice from a box and asked if he could have it. He did lift it out of the box and Sister from halfway across the room said "No, that is John's" and walked towards him so being startled he tries to pass the slice to her and dropped it. Instantly she said "you dropped it because you were rushing. Stop rushing so much!".

This doesn't sound like a lecture, or anything remotely unreasonable. How old are these kids?

Marcipex · 04/01/2023 09:51

She sounds like a crashing bore.

I don’t know what you can do though…personally I would leap at any opportunity to lecture her. eg Oh dear, you dropped a sock on the stairs, that’s because you were rushing, what should you do next time, have a think, yes you could use a laundry basket, now remember for another time…

MichelleScarn · 04/01/2023 09:54

It's absolutely a dependent on age thing! Was the pizza just a snack? I'm stuck on they both only got one slice and the whole pizza was gone apart from this last one!

Ellie1015 · 04/01/2023 10:00

In general I don't mind my sister telling my children off but it rarely comes up if i am there. If sister had a different way of explaining that child may listen to i would be happy, but for minor issues it would be very annoying especially if is a long chat.

For the pizza i would be annoyed as

  1. he asked and was told yes

  2. john may not even want it

  3. why should john have it over anyone else If all had the same.

LaPerduta · 04/01/2023 10:10

If this happens with every little insignificant thing I can imagine it being very tedious indeed.

Sparkletastic · 04/01/2023 10:11

She sounds like a bossy bore. I'd tell her that you will be responsible for your own child's discipline in future.

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