I was diagnosed with aggressive cancer in November, and the 6-week wait to see how far it had spread was total hell. The survival rate for the type of tumour I have 5 years after diagnosis ranges from 2 in 3 people if the cancer has not spread, compared with 1 in 8 people if it has spread.
My direct family and close friends know what's been going on and have been really great - I told them I didn't want any visitors whilst waiting to find out if it had spread as DH and I were finding it very hard to keep it together for our DC; they understood this and supported me via Zoom every day.
My MIL & FIL however decided that they would come and visit without invitation and booked a hotel without telling us (we live in tiny rural 2-bed cottage with no space for visitors). I find their visits fairly stressful under the best circumstances, and I absolutely couldn't face a visit which would involve me being strong for their benefit when I was totally falling apart. DH knows this, and when he found out their plans the day before, he was more angry than I had ever seen him - it led to a showdown between him and MIL at the beginning of December. They cancelled the hotel and did not visit, but were ungracious about it despite DH explaining that although we appreciated the thought we were struggling to process the diagnosis and finding the wait for scan/staging results incredibly stressful, so it was just not the right time to visit.
Following this episode, I received my staging results (which thankfully were as good as could be expected under the circumstances) and we are much less stressed about the future and my prognosis. I started chemo in December and we've had lots of people to visit over the Christmas including my family, my DH's brother and sister and their respective families, friends, etc. but no in-law visit. MIL says they now don't have the time to visit as they have other commitments and are not sure when they are next free. For context, they are both retired, I am currently obviously not working whilst going through chemo, and they are in good enough health to be able to travel the 100 miles distance to our house.
AIBU in expecting them to understand why we didn't want them to visit whilst waiting for the cancer staging results? They have travelled to spend time this Christmas with other family members so it feels as if they are deliberately cutting us. DH could do with their support, so I am mostly sad on his behalf, plus our DC have not seen them at all over Christmas bar a couple of Zoom calls. It feels very much like they are punishing us for not gratefully accepting an unsolicited visit at a bad time, which whilst I accept came from a good place, they had planned mostly to make themselves feel better without considering what would be helpful for us.