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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stick to designated day off?

235 replies

HandbagsnGladrags · 03/01/2023 06:54

Am early 50's and work in a mid senior high pressure role in financial services. I've just dropped to a 4 day working week and taken a 20% pay cut. There was initially some resistance to me dropping my hours but I eventually got agreement. I've asked for the same day off each week and that was agreed.

Here's the dilemma - on only my second week of the new working pattern, one of my colleagues who was resistant to my drop in hours has put in an overnight stay which would mean me either travelling back home on my day off, or swapping my day off that week.

I don't want to start agreeing to swap days all the time as the whole point of me dropping my hours was to give me a better work life balance and be able to plan things for my non working day. WIBU to say that my day off is my day off and not be chopping and changing all of the time?

OP posts:
Original poster
HandbagsnGladrags · 03/01/2023 21:19

Or did you mean if you swap your regular non working day it would lead to BH confusion?

OP posts:
Jazen · 03/01/2023 21:53

Could you look up some art/gardening/hobby class near you on your designated day off, then you can say that whilst you could do it that once, you won't be able to in future because you are doing that course you might only do it for a term or you might continue doing it, but that will mean people know you have something specific on that day that you can't rearrange, even if you decide not to continue with the class long term hopefully after a few months everyone will be used to the idea you really aren't available.

QuestionsFromThePublic · 03/01/2023 21:59

I agree with others. This is a non working, you are not being paid. My non working days are Saturday and Sunday. I do not answer my phone or emails. Neither should you, you have nothing to feel guilty about.

If you have an Outlook calendar, set your working hours to exclude Friday and to end at 5pm on Thursday, or whatever.

Is your boss approachable? Could you have a conversation to re-iterate your hours and mention you will not be available for overnights on Thursdays? I would not be happy of a member of my team was being asked work questions on their non working day or annual leave .

Cakeandcardio · 03/01/2023 22:10

HandbagsnGladrags · 03/01/2023 07:13

Also what has pissed me off is that it's literally the second week of my new working arrangement (it starts this week). I initially agreed to swap days off but am now regretting it and thinking of making up an excuse why I can't. Said colleague then arranged another meeting for the day I'd swapped to have off. Not a good start. This is a male colleague who thinks he's senior to me, but he's not.

Of course he's male. A right bully boy by the sounds of it. Treat him like the dimwit he is and act like he forgot about your day off. And absolutely stick to your guns. Standing firm can be hard the first time but people soon get the message.

MeridaBrave · 03/01/2023 22:24

I was in this position for years, I generally did swap around when it worked out ok for me (childcare wise!) usually so I could then swap it around when I needed to (eg a School show or trip on a normal working day)

Allezallezallez2023 · 03/01/2023 22:27

I’m agreeable to moving my non-working day on occasion as it works both ways and I often move it for my own benefit too

Minniem2020 · 03/01/2023 22:27

I completely understand you being reluctant to change your day off but I probably would. Purely so that if it came to it where I needed to change my day off for a particular reason another time then it'd be easier to do so.

XanaduKira · 03/01/2023 22:37

Stick to your guns Op, at least in the early days until the pattern is properly established, otherwise your arsehole colleague will constantly take the piss.

Blowthemandown · 03/01/2023 23:11

@HandbagsnGladrags I know you've cancelled the swap, good for you. I would say 'this isn't a day off, this is a change of working hours and I want things to get settled before I look at changing anything'. You could also say that given advance warning, you would try to be flexible (but in general, you're going to be doing a regular activity on that day which means you can't). Also, block the calendar out ('out of office' not just busy and with the Title 'non working day' or 'I don't work Fridays' or whatever) and set your OOO really precisely with the escalation processes for when you're absent - even down to 'emails and messages are not accessed during this time' if need be. Just stick to your guns; eventually he will get over himself. And you can't be made redundant for this kind of thing - they would need to ask you to revert back to a different arrangement before they can call you inflexible, because they've agreed you can have that day off. Not your problem now to cover it.

TheSingingBean · 03/01/2023 23:27

Lkydfju · 03/01/2023 07:25

In my experience you have to be strict with your non working day as otherwise people just assume they can move it around; I used to try to be flexible but now I say I have plans

This

Fraaahnces · 04/01/2023 01:30

Let’s be honest, you’re not paid for Thursday evening either. You’re entirely right to assume knobbel colleague can do one. In his pants.

ithoughtisawapuddycat · 04/01/2023 01:39

We now put in our email signatures our regular hours and any upcoming holiday. Might be worth doing the same - I work x, y, z days each week and will not be available on w day.

This way every time you email it reminds people. We have lots of part time staff so it certainly helps. Seeing upcoming annual leave helps as well.

Original poster
HandbagsnGladrags · 04/01/2023 07:25

Well knobber colleague is back in today so we'll see what he says about my decline message to his shitty male focused event.

OP posts:
America12 · 04/01/2023 07:38

KangarooKenny · 03/01/2023 07:03

You stick to working your contract then. If you give in once it will be taken that you can swap your day.
You need to come up with a reason as to why you can’t swap, like caring for the grand kids, something that can’t be moved.

I disagree , your day off is just that. Doesn't matter what the reason is.

ChimChimeny · 04/01/2023 07:44

Incidentally, there is another person in my team who has Fridays off. Same arsehole colleague texts her on a Friday if he needs to know something.

I REALLY hope she ignores his messages.

Iamwhatiam52 · 04/01/2023 09:56

HandbagsnGladrags · 04/01/2023 07:25

Well knobber colleague is back in today so we'll see what he says about my decline message to his shitty male focused event.

keep us updated OP!

Original poster
HandbagsnGladrags · 04/01/2023 10:00

So he's just come back and said 'ok no problem' but I can't help thinking he's storing it up to use against me at some point. Maybe I should give him the benefit of the doubt for now.

OP posts:
Elphame · 04/01/2023 10:05

HandbagsnGladrags · 03/01/2023 07:23

Yep, but (some) people ignore that.

Show quote history

Decline the meeting

Having worked in a similar environment for many years I sympathise. I've done the late night client stuff too.

Stick to your guns on this or they will take advantage and you will end up struggling to find a day to take off.

poetryandwine · 04/01/2023 10:08

I think he probably is storing it up. But I think you will be fine if you use the strategies here and don’t change your mind on him again. Don’t give him the slightest cause for a complaint that he could spin as legitimate

Princessglittery · 04/01/2023 10:16

@HandbagsnGladrags he may be storing it up but you need to have a strategy and some responses for when he does e.g. modern workplaces need to embrace flexible working, 24/7 culture means no one is available all the time, flexible working makes us a more attractive employer/enables us to retain talent etc. I’m sure they’re a plenty more. Ideally they should make him look like the dinosaur he is.

Original poster
HandbagsnGladrags · 04/01/2023 10:20

Yeah, agree. My worry is that evening events like this have always been done on a Thursday (away from home). That needs to change. But I don't want him arguing that I can't do my job if I can't do Thursday overnights. (There's no good reason why they can't be done on another night, btw).

OP posts:
2Rebecca · 04/01/2023 10:22

If your colleague isn't actually superior to you and is just one of several colleagues why is what he thinks of you so important? You are behaving as though he is your boss. Start behaving like his equal or his boss.

rookiemere · 04/01/2023 10:32

HandbagsnGladrags · 04/01/2023 10:20

Yeah, agree. My worry is that evening events like this have always been done on a Thursday (away from home). That needs to change. But I don't want him arguing that I can't do my job if I can't do Thursday overnights. (There's no good reason why they can't be done on another night, btw).

I think to be fair, Thursday night does make sense for these events if they are boozy late evenings, as those working on Friday can have an easy travel and wfh day.

I don't know how often they occur, but if it's say once every couple of months, I'd be inclined to ask for a calendar schedule of them and attend where possible, by switching your NWD.

Totally get the sanctity of the NWD - have one myself- but also it shouldn't impact on the clients where there is something that currently works in place.

poetryandwine · 04/01/2023 10:32

Who has been attending the Thursday night event all this time? If not you and if you don’t want to take it on now, just decline as Friday is a NWD. The arse/misogynist can try someone else when he overbooks himself. But it might be easier if you have an ironclad excuse the first few times (I am not saying this is right).

Original poster
HandbagsnGladrags · 04/01/2023 10:33

@rookiemere I agree however there are already two scheduled for January which is ridiculous.

OP posts:
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