Friend asking me to sign an NDA

[Shinebrightinthenight]

Aibu to refuse to sign it? I don’t understand why people would feel the need to put a friend that they trust under an NDA. She’s asked all her other friends to sign NDA’s as well so not just me. She is quite well known (was in the public eye) but nothings happened recently to cause this so it seems quite random to now be wanting to put us all under NDA. The NDA’s are proper ones as well that have been wrote by lawyers.

I’ve got a good friend who is very famous in the UK and often in the media and happens to be staying with me. Their first reaction is that almost all the things printed or shared have to be styled out by either owning it or not commenting and lying low but if it can’t be styled out because it’s properly criminal or outrageous then an NDA probably does not cover it and you’d deserve being outed anyway. Apparently you get an instinct for true friends (often long term friends), then you trust them not to blab because, you know, they’re your friends! You can’t shut everyone up who has known you; your friends are the least of your problems.

we are guessing this is someone who isn’t as in the public eye as they’d like!

I think you are very naive if you think friends don't rat to the press.

I feel like the people saying they wouldn't sign without the friend offering a monetary incentive, are definitely the people to run to the tabloids if they didn't get this and refused to sign!

As some people have suggested, I don't think it'd be out of the question for her to pay for a independent lawyer to check over the documents before signing. I feel like that's a good compromise for both parties and would both sides peace of mind.

I am not close friends with people like that. I know who I really trust and who are more casual friends. I do not think it is that hard to tell once you really get to know people.

I'm astonished by the number of people here who are completely happy to hand a friend a loaded pistol to point at them, just because the friend asked for it.

Even if you're sure you'll never do anything to make them decide to pull the trigger, the fact that they asked for it is reason enough to walk away, surely?

Surely if all famous people thought that they wouldn't have any friends.

A. Loaded. Pistol

I've heard it all now.

Signing an NDA isn’t a “loaded pistol” 🤣
Such drama.

I suppose if you have the thousands it costs to defend a claim for breach of an NDA when they get it into their head that you must have told the press that utter crock of shit she's spouting (and getting paid loads to do so) is all bollocks when you didn't, but she's insisting that it could only be you, I suppose there's no reason not to sign. I suppose if you like the idea that she's so very special, she allows you to be her friend but only because you've given her the ability to ruin you financially if you can't prove it wasn't you talking about her, it could be fine to sign.

I'd prefer my friendships to stay friendships rather than signing over anything that gives them power over me, though.

Well without the monetary incentive it wouldn't be valid anyway as you need "consideration" for a contract to be valid under English law (unless it is a deed). That is usually money but can be other things, eg provision of personal data is a common one as we all know from our use of social media sites!

You can refuse to sign it. And presumably that will be the end of the friendship.

If one of my friends (all of whom I have known for years) asked me to sign one, the friendship would already be badly damaged

Yes, a loaded pistol. If you think it's an overdramatic metaphor then you haven't thought too much about the consequences for your life if you need to legally defend yourself against someone with more money, power and influence than you.

Signing an NDA is handing somebody an instrument they can use against you.

I don't (morally) agree with personal NDAs so I wouldn't sign. And if it means losing a friend then so be it.

I would sign it for a good friend. I was of the opinion that unless she's Beyonce then she needs to shove it but these things can be very stressful. A mere misguided comment and the whole thing can unravel. I would sign it if it were a good friend with a decent amount of press interest as to be warranted. I once knew someone from Love Island who used to make a song and dance about not wanting to be photographed - like no-one cares!!

Have you asked your friend why? Maybe something big is about to happen which will raise her profile and she wants to protect herself? Maybe she's about to give you some money and wants it to remain confidential? What's her rationale for why, and why now?

If you're not sure what it entails then you should consult a lawyer before signing.

I don't think it would bother me, but then I've worked NDA's and IPA's as a matter of routine, and in a subsequent role under rigorous ethical safeguards, so I'm used to strict confidentiality.

I agree. Not sure why you're directing that view at me though

Is your friend Rebekah Vardy?

Up to them. Not something I would entertain signing for a minute.

Yes, this is my concern too. If you do become suspect number one (even if you are completely innocent), defending it could easily cost the average person all their assets. If a friend thought me capable of disclosing things that our friendship requires an NDA, in return I’d have to think my friend capable of accusing me even if I weren’t at fault.

Friend wants to safeguard their own interests and that’s fine, but you need to safeguard yourself too in this situation and it’s entirely possible it could backfire spectacularly.

I do think it is overly dramatic and I have worked with many NDAs in my life. So long as it is a clean NDA reviewed by my legal counsel, it’s not going to require anything of me that I would not normally do. So long as I don’t become a complete traitor and sell out my friend, they’re not going to take this “loaded pistol” and destroy me. And frankly, if they had to, I’d deserve it for breaking the NDA,

Now if you sign any old thing with no legal counsel that’s also on you.

if my friend found fame or was becoming famous or going on a tv show I really wouldn’t mind

it would be necessary because of the vultures in UK press.

obviously very weird if they’re not in the public eye lol

One of my best friends from school has become extremely wealthy and it has brought with it a whole load of hangers on and grifters looking to feather their own nests, and as such she is finding it increasingly difficult to trust people. Fame and/or wealth attracts all sorts of awful, exploitative, people looking to get their pound of flesh. You only need to look at our gutter tabloid press to know that some people would sell their grandmother down the river for a quick buck. If she asked me to sign an NDA I’d do it in a heartbeat, not because I think she’d use it against me, but because I want to give her the confidence that she can trust me not to run off to the Daily Mail if she shags Kevin from HR (again).

@BradfordGirl that was exactly my point. Those with lots of acquaintances (who may consider themselves friends) are best advised to use NDA's.

I think I would be quiet upset if a close friend did this. Why would she have reason to not trust you if you are a friend?

To be fair, in this day and age you wouldn't have to do much.