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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friend asking me to sign an NDA

351 replies

Shinebrightinthenight · 02/01/2023 16:45

Aibu to refuse to sign it? I don’t understand why people would feel the need to put a friend that they trust under an NDA. She’s asked all her other friends to sign NDA’s as well so not just me. She is quite well known (was in the public eye) but nothings happened recently to cause this so it seems quite random to now be wanting to put us all under NDA. The NDA’s are proper ones as well that have been wrote by lawyers.

OP posts:
Butchyrestingface · 03/01/2023 01:39

I think it was Sienna Miller I read about, admitting that she had locked her mum, sister, boyfriend and best friend in a room together, hysterically accusing them (or ONE of them) of having leaked information about her to the paps.

As she later learned, it wasn't any of them - News of the World had tapped her phone.

Startwithamimosa · 03/01/2023 01:39

BoxOfCats · 03/01/2023 01:35

Maybe the reason nothing has come up about her is that she asks everyone to sign NDAs? Grin

Ha ha, very true! In some ways it's insulting, but I think I wouldn't let it bother me. It must be hard not knowing who to trust. You only need to look at all the relationships gone bad to see it can happen

Namechangeforreasons · 03/01/2023 03:35

As someone who had an extremely traumatic experience in the UK (and I know that some of you remembered it, following on from posting on another thread), I can and do understand why people might ask the people closest to them to sign an NDA or similar.

At the time of this thing happening, it was reported in the news. I didn’t listen to any of it or read any papers. I suppose because I was in shock and it took some years for me to get back on my feet, emotionally, psychologically and mentally. The perpetrator came after me and my family and years of harassment ensued, at a time when harassment was defined as a course of conduct and because this person knew exactly how long to leave us alone for, every new incident couldn’t be added to the previous police reports. I ended up leaving the country.

My biggest fear, throughout all this, was that someone close to or even in my wider family would accidentally say something to the wrong person and things would literally blow up. Because of this fear, I alienated a lot of my family and friends, not because I didn’t wholeheartedly trust them but because if they said something to someone, even unwittingly, I was frightened of the knock-on effect. It could even have been in response to someone asking how I was. That’s how paranoid I was.

And I’m not famous, or a celebrity or anything else. So yes, I can see that someone who may feel that they are in a delicate situation might well ask those closest to them to sign NDA’s.

HotChoxs · 03/01/2023 04:46

randomusername666 · 03/01/2023 01:05

If you do sign, make sure it's a mutual NDA so you are also protected.

Why would an MNDA protect the OP? Is the OP a celebrity whos information is valuable?

FlorenceAndTheVendingMachine · 03/01/2023 05:56

Although my knee jerk reaction would be to feel like she should trust me as a friend, I know in reality how easy it would be to mention something in conversation to another friend/relative who I trust, who then tells their friend, etc. This would really make you think before mentioning anything to anyone.

FlorenceAndTheVendingMachine · 03/01/2023 06:09

I appreciate that we should really be able to trust our close friends.

However, who here would really entrust a winning lottery ticket to a friend if they couldn't prove it was their own? I think most would take precautions 'just to be safe'.

Same situation when six figure sums are being offered for gossip.

Shinebrightinthenight · 03/01/2023 08:56

Going to speak to my friend about it today and discuss with her before signing it.

OP posts:
Rollin · 03/01/2023 09:03

There must be something up- is it specific? It can’t just be - you must never talk about me ever…

B1993 · 03/01/2023 09:04

That sounds wise OP, maybe you could elicit a solicitor to give you some legal advice (or ask your friend if this is something they are willing to do), as others have suggested.

lieselotte · 03/01/2023 10:49

Cas112 · 02/01/2023 20:30

I don't get why you wouldn't if you was her friend? Yes she might not be to famous and it might seem a bit OTT but if she's in that industry she is probably trying to protect herself or she might be about to do something/sign up for something that may get more public attention. Unless you to mention her business to people why wouldn't you sign it? I don't get it

Unless you think she is going to do something harmful to you or your mental health?

The point is WHAT DOES IT COVER?

I can see the point of the case a pp mentioned where the celeb didn't want an ex-boyfriend/fling telling everyone she'd terminated a pregnancy.

But a general "you can't gossip about me" wouldn't be enforceable because, as I said above, but everyone posting on here has ignored because they haven't RTFT is that the information has to have the necessary quality of confidence to be protected. A termination probably does have that quality; the fact that your friend once had a fling with Kevin in HR and everyone in the office knew about it, is not. Other examples might be she likes pears, shops in Waitrose, likes Lidl coffee, hates people saying "gifted", all sorts of trivia that could not be protected.

If you do want someone to sign an NDA you have to make it very clear what information you want protecting.

lieselotte · 03/01/2023 10:50

Rollin · 03/01/2023 09:03

There must be something up- is it specific? It can’t just be - you must never talk about me ever…

Exactly this.

lieselotte · 03/01/2023 10:52

HotChoxs · 03/01/2023 04:46

Why would an MNDA protect the OP? Is the OP a celebrity whos information is valuable?

Well what's sauce for the goose...

Anyway as an example, and in no way implying this is true of the OP, the OP might have a responsible job in an regulated industry and not want people knowing she shoplifted as a teenager. That sort of thing.

It's not just z-list "slebs" who "need" protecting.

SnowlayRoundabout · 03/01/2023 10:57

In a way, you might as well sign it, because it seems to be a meaningless piece of paper unless you are being offered some consideration in return. So you lose nothing by signing, but on the other hand your friend gains absolutely nothing - you are free to go and sell your story to the highest bidder. If it were my friend, I would want her to consider carefully whether the legal advice she is receiving is reliable; it sounds to me as if the solicitors could be taking her for a ride.

threeowlsonashelf · 03/01/2023 11:00

I mean. Don't sign. If you want to sign a lawyer acting for you should look at it. It might extend not just to you but to other people and you take responsibility for their breaches - common provision. And what if eg you leave your phone out somewhere unsecured? You could be liable. I don't think this works for you unless it is eg a one off event where you have an nda just to cover it eg a party or there is some element of professional relationship.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 03/01/2023 11:11

SnowlayRoundabout · 03/01/2023 10:57

In a way, you might as well sign it, because it seems to be a meaningless piece of paper unless you are being offered some consideration in return. So you lose nothing by signing, but on the other hand your friend gains absolutely nothing - you are free to go and sell your story to the highest bidder. If it were my friend, I would want her to consider carefully whether the legal advice she is receiving is reliable; it sounds to me as if the solicitors could be taking her for a ride.

Unless it's in the form of a deed. If it's a deed you don't need consideration as a deed is a way of converting a gratuitous promise into an enforceable one. It's why if you act as a guarantor, it's usually in the form of a deed as it would normally be unenforceable otherwise.

Dotjones · 03/01/2023 11:13

Don't sign anything if there is no benefit to you in return. When I've signed NDAs it's because there is a benefit to me for doing so - as part of my job, as part of an enhanced payout when I got made redundant.

An NDA puts you at a greater risk of legal action being successful against you. Why would you deliberately put yourself at greater risk if there's no benefit in return?

You can already be taken to court if you make dishonest statements that harm a person's reputation. All an NDA does is give them the chance to take you to court if you make an honest statement.

Calphurnia88 · 03/01/2023 11:13

If it were my friend, I would want her to consider carefully whether the legal advice she is receiving is reliable; it sounds to me as if the solicitors could be taking her for a ride.

I agree @SnowlayRoundabout . As another PP said, I bet there are a some legal firms looking to make a quick buck following the televised dramatisation of the Rooney vs. Vardy case over Christmas.

10HailMarys · 03/01/2023 11:15

nothings happened recently to cause this

I suspect something you aren't aware of actually has happened, and is about to come out. Or another 'trusted friend' has shafted her in some way or another and now she's feeling ultra cautious, perhaps.

Totally up to you whether you sign it or not (I would be inclined not to, personally - certainly not without knowing the context for it).

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 03/01/2023 11:22

The more I think about this, the more problematic it becomes. OP you need to get some legal advice so you understand exactly what you are being expected to sign up to.
e.g. if celeb friend is writing a book and wants you to read a draft but the publisher requires anyone who is seeing the work to sign an NDA covering the content of the book - that's probably fine assuming it's worded in a sensible way

On the other hand, if the celeb says you can't repeat anything you've seen or heard in relation to me no matter how trivial for the rest of your natural life then quite frankly they can go do one. You go home to your DP and say I had coffee with X today and she says hi, clearly that is not intended to be confidential information but if the NDA is broadly worded you could end up in an argument over having a normal conversation. I can't see a court enforcing a broadly drafted NDA because some of the information clearly doesn't have the quality of confidentiality and because it would start to restrict your normal life to an unreasonable extent. However, it brings the prospect of all sorts of legal risks and need for self-policing.

Charlize43 · 03/01/2023 11:45

Shinebrightinthenight · 03/01/2023 08:56

Going to speak to my friend about it today and discuss with her before signing it.

I think the responses here really depend on who your 'friend' is. If it is Coleen Rooney, people might be a bit more sympathetic.

If it's some 'influencer' on the Gram who was once on reality TV many years ago, has their profile set to 'public figure' and occasionally pops up half naked in the Daily Mail's sidebar of shame, and who generally nobody has heard of, then a snigger and a guffaw before breaking into a loud laugh and an eye roll might be the appropriate response.

I wouldn't sign anything without asking 'What's it worth?' first.

I'd also want to know why your 'friend' is trying to silence you? What have they done?

OoooohMatron · 03/01/2023 12:01

TheShellBeach · 02/01/2023 16:52

Do you mean "written" by lawyers?

Don't be a twat.

Reigateforever · 03/01/2023 12:04

Exactly as Charlize43 said
I'd also want to know why your 'friend' is trying to silence you? What have they done?

Lenald · 03/01/2023 18:08

TheYummyPatler · 02/01/2023 18:04

It does nothing about the ‘vultures’. Merely gives the ‘friend’ legal recourse against you.

were you going to sell stories about her?

Ofcourse it does helps against them, it won’t stop them but definitely helps.

said friend would have to prove it

Tigerteatimeatmyhouse · 03/01/2023 22:09

LetsDoThis2023 · 02/01/2023 18:08

Not that uncommon.
My friend once got a very high profile celeb pregnant. She made him sign a NDA and had a termination. She said if he spoke to anyone, he'd never work again (he worked in the media at the time).

How did she “make him” sign an NDA? An NDA is a contract, you can’t be forced to sign one.

LetsDoThis2023 · 03/01/2023 22:10

@Tigerteatimeatmyhouse by threatening to ruin his career.