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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend asking me to sign an NDA

351 replies

Shinebrightinthenight · 02/01/2023 16:45

Aibu to refuse to sign it? I don’t understand why people would feel the need to put a friend that they trust under an NDA. She’s asked all her other friends to sign NDA’s as well so not just me. She is quite well known (was in the public eye) but nothings happened recently to cause this so it seems quite random to now be wanting to put us all under NDA. The NDA’s are proper ones as well that have been wrote by lawyers.

OP posts:
Onnabugeisha · 02/01/2023 17:22

GlassBunion · 02/01/2023 17:19

Ah, ok . Thank you @Onnabugeisha

Sure. It’s a common misconception because irresponsible media types will insinuate that an NDA is being used to cover up illegal and criminal stuff…they can’t legally be used for that.

Greatly · 02/01/2023 17:22

PrincessNakatomi · 02/01/2023 17:19

Have you quoted me in error?

Show quote history

No. You seemed to think the OP would need a lawyer to have it explained to her. The NDA will be clear enough.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 02/01/2023 17:22

Sounds like somebody hoping for Vloggers and Ageing Slebs Sing/Jump off a Perfectly Serviceable Aircraft Wearing Giraffe Costumes/Dance/Squabble in a Field/a hotel's back garden and doesn't want the big reveal of some dramatic thing in an interview to be scuppered by a mate saying 'Nah, that didn't happen'.

UWhatNow · 02/01/2023 17:23

I’d be pretty disappointed and sad if a friend or family member had to strong-arm me on a matter of personal trust. I would probably sign if they pushed me on it because I’d have no reason not to, but I’d certainly think less of that person who’d put me in that position and I’d be reconsidering the friendship.

DoubleShotEspresso · 02/01/2023 17:23

I think NDA's are far more common than many here realise....
FWIW I've signed many of these in business previously and with people who became friends, it's really only a sinister task if you intend to ever breach their friendship, loyalty and trust. If this is being asked if you, you can be sure there's a firm reason your friend needs this.

category12 · 02/01/2023 17:23

What sort of stuff would a NDA cover?

LlynTegid · 02/01/2023 17:23

Are you breaking the terms of an NDA if you sign it and then tell us who it is OP?

We will of course have our own opinions about the person then, not that we would then disclose them!!

Candymay · 02/01/2023 17:23

ZenNudist · 02/01/2023 17:02

There's no way you should sign this. Unless she is paying you a large sum of money maybe. It's all upside to her and downside for you. It could land you in trouble as a result of misunderstanding or otherwise. I'd drop her as a friend as she's clearly horrible.

whaaat?

Onnabugeisha · 02/01/2023 17:24

Greatly · 02/01/2023 17:22

No. You seemed to think the OP would need a lawyer to have it explained to her. The NDA will be clear enough.

Show quote history

Um. I think the NDA should be run by legal counsel to make sure it is written correctly and doesn’t impose any undue burden on the OP or have unenforceable terms in it. The NDA may be clear and in plain English, but it could also be a botched job.

Greatly · 02/01/2023 17:24

NeverDropYourMooncup · 02/01/2023 17:22

Sounds like somebody hoping for Vloggers and Ageing Slebs Sing/Jump off a Perfectly Serviceable Aircraft Wearing Giraffe Costumes/Dance/Squabble in a Field/a hotel's back garden and doesn't want the big reveal of some dramatic thing in an interview to be scuppered by a mate saying 'Nah, that didn't happen'.

Yes, probably. Is that a reason not to sign?

PrincessNakatomi · 02/01/2023 17:25

Greatly · 02/01/2023 17:22

No. You seemed to think the OP would need a lawyer to have it explained to her. The NDA will be clear enough.

Show quote history

You really don’t know that.

I not only sign at NDAs at work, I have input into drafting some of them. They can be very specific.

Always best to have a lawyer review a legal document.

Greatly · 02/01/2023 17:25

Onnabugeisha · 02/01/2023 17:24

Um. I think the NDA should be run by legal counsel to make sure it is written correctly and doesn’t impose any undue burden on the OP or have unenforceable terms in it. The NDA may be clear and in plain English, but it could also be a botched job.

Show quote history

What burden could it possibly put on the OP??

Wingingit11 · 02/01/2023 17:25

No (I am a lawyer so understand implications.) Unless the friendship was so strong it is worth the risk, otherwise I’d want proper consideration ie payment so not a friend anyway!

mistermagpie · 02/01/2023 17:25

DoubleShotEspresso · 02/01/2023 17:23

I think NDA's are far more common than many here realise....
FWIW I've signed many of these in business previously and with people who became friends, it's really only a sinister task if you intend to ever breach their friendship, loyalty and trust. If this is being asked if you, you can be sure there's a firm reason your friend needs this.

Are you friends with lots of famous people? Because otherwise I can imagine a 'normal' person getting their friends to sign an NDA is exactly 'common'.

I wouldn't sign it. I just wouldn't want to. It's weird and not exactly the basis for a trusting friendship, or not the basis I would want anyway. I think I would phase the friendship out too.

UnicornsHaveDadsToo · 02/01/2023 17:26

DoubleShotEspresso

Good friends don't generally need a gagging order as they'd consider it disloyal to exploit their friendship surely?

If only Coleen Rooney had got her friends, well, one of them anyway, to sign NDAs...

Greatly · 02/01/2023 17:27

Wingingit11 · 02/01/2023 17:25

No (I am a lawyer so understand implications.) Unless the friendship was so strong it is worth the risk, otherwise I’d want proper consideration ie payment so not a friend anyway!

You'd want paying?! What for?

Just don't sign it then OP if you don't want to 🤷🏼‍♀️

BellePeppa · 02/01/2023 17:27

Laugh and say ‘oh you are funny’. Then don’t sign anything. How many people is she giving this to? Do all her family members have to sign? What about old school friends, ex boyfriends etc I mean it could be a never ending pile of NDAs to be signed by anyone who’s crossed her path couldn’t it?

BradfordGirl · 02/01/2023 17:28

DoubleShotEspresso · 02/01/2023 17:23

I think NDA's are far more common than many here realise....
FWIW I've signed many of these in business previously and with people who became friends, it's really only a sinister task if you intend to ever breach their friendship, loyalty and trust. If this is being asked if you, you can be sure there's a firm reason your friend needs this.

Absolutely fine in a job.

It is sinister with friends because they are making clear they do not trust you, and if they suspected you had gossiped (even if you had not) they would take you to court). What kind of friendship is that? I really would not want to be friends with anyone who treated me like that. I do not gossip. If you do not trust me then fine better we are not friends at all.

MinnieGirl · 02/01/2023 17:28

Can’t you phone her and ask what’s going on?

TabithaTittlemouse · 02/01/2023 17:29

The fact that she’s asked you to sign one and you’ve come to ask mn probably doesn’t fill her with much confidence.

Xenia · 02/01/2023 17:29

Does it say it is under English law? (That will be a clause near the end).
Does it say "signed as a deed" or use the word deed?

Reigateforever · 02/01/2023 17:30

Is she writing a tell all book in which you could be mentioned, not necessarily in a bad way but others may want you opinion?

godmum56 · 02/01/2023 17:30

My concern would be that you sign the NDA, the whatever it is gets out and it looks like you are the leaky one. My late DH signed a couple in his business life, also the official secrets act. The first time he was asked we discussed it because we had a no secrets marriage, but there was a huge financial benefit to us so he did it. I am wondering what benefit there would be to your signing this? As I said, as I see it, all it does is puts you at risk of trouble.

Greatly · 02/01/2023 17:30

MinnieGirl · 02/01/2023 17:28

Can’t you phone her and ask what’s going on?

Don't be silly 😂 literally noone on Mumsnet does this.

They'd rather employ someone to check over an NDA than dare ring a friend directly

(tongue in cheek)

Puppers · 02/01/2023 17:30

Forestwalks · 02/01/2023 16:51

i wouldn’t be signing.

if they were a good friend they wouldn’t even need to ask you to sign anything to begin with.

I'm not sure I agree with this sentiment. Yes, it's a lovely idea. I thought the same when I entered into a financial arrangement with a family member I trusted. I was advised by friends and in-laws to get a contract drawn up but I was horrified at the suggestion because I trusted this person and we were very close. But she absolutely shafted me and completely took advantage of me.

This is different obviously because it doesn't appear that there's anything being exchanged between the two parties, but the idea at the heart of it - that if you're friends/relatives then you can just completely trust each other and it's insulting to want to protect yourself - is not realistic or fair.