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AIBU?

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Original poster

Horrible nasty friend

129 replies

friendorfoe22 · 02/01/2023 14:49

Names changed for this one.

I have a friend who is constantly and I mean CONSTANTLY rude about my life choices. It all started when I moved out with OH. Said the area I live in is boring, frequently mentions that she would buy a new build as they are badly built, my decor choice is horrible and just endless endless digs. She's a very bitter and jealous person, never praises or encourages anyone always puts people down. Constantly talks about herself, how she wants to travel the world, how much she gets paid at work and how her job is better than anyone. Also the other day, we went for a drink and all of a sudden she said any man whose name starts with D is toxic. Then she said her ex's name (Daniel) so it went 'all men who start with D are always so toxic even my ex Daniel, Doug, and the name David is the worst (David is my OH's name!) and I sat there and was like are you fucking joking? She clearly knew what she was doing and I said to her what's your problem and she said what? Everyone with those names are toxic and I was just disgusted. This is just a very small part of what she is like on a daily basis. How do I tell her to go fuck herself?

OP posts:
Happydays1987 · 02/01/2023 16:09

Happydays1987 · 02/01/2023 16:09

Omg I used to bloody these two bloody excuses!!

Show quote history

*hate

Amboseli · 02/01/2023 16:11

She's not a friend. Ditch her asap. Ghost her as she seems the type to get even more nasty if you text/talk about it. Block her on all social media and delete her number.

Bananalanacake · 02/01/2023 16:17

I deal with this type by agreeing with everything they say,, 'I have shit taste in decor? yes you're so right, I will have to take it down and get you to say how it should be'

'I have a shit job? yes you're right I will hand in my notice tomorrow and retrain as a vet'

Just watch the look on her face (before you ghost her).

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 02/01/2023 16:17

How do I tell her to go fuck herself?

You say, "Go fuck yourself."

Why are you even wasting your time with such an unpleasant person?

HaggisWurst · 02/01/2023 16:20

My softie DH had a "friend" like this. Criticised his hair, our flat, his job, the fact we were getting married without having first built up substantial savings (and said because of this, we'd be awful parents) and a few more horrible things. I was livid and told him he didn't need someone like that in his life but my DH is a bit of a pushover/softie and is quite naive to how horrible people can be. My relief when this so-called friend dropped out of our wedding because he couldn't support our relationship due to our poor choices, and declared he couldn't be friends with DH anymore.

This friend was a bitter nasty man, In a job he hated, living at home, lots of savings but no girlfriend and no children. (I'm not saying you need this to be happy and there's nothing wrong with being single etc, but he clearly resented the fact my DH had everything he wanted and was just horrible to him for it).

You should bin this friend... You don't need them and will be better off without them.

GinoVino · 02/01/2023 16:26

New Year's resolution for you OP. Cut. Her. Off. You don't owe her an explanation. Just don't contact her again. Don't reply to her. Don't engage. She's not your friend. Get on and enjoy your life.

NinjaGin · 02/01/2023 16:27

Scary how many of us who've been unfortunate enough to have a "friend" like this...for me it got worse over the years until she went full bridezilla. I attempted to disengage over several months saying I no longer wanted to be friends but she wouldn't take no for an answer! Ghosting (and moving house) was the only way to stop her contacting me.
If you're dealing with a mad narcissist (from what you've said it seems possible), then ghosting is the only way out. And for your own wellbeing, might be the best option. Thinking of you as it's a rubbish situation to be inFlowers

Puppers · 02/01/2023 16:28

I don't get the angst at all. Just...stop. Stop meeting up with her, stop calling her, stop texting her. There's nothing to it.

Harrysmummy246 · 02/01/2023 16:29

horrible and nasty in conjunction with the word friend. There's a clue there really isn't there.

PermanentlyinUAT · 02/01/2023 16:30

Are the people here telling her to “go fuck herself” genuinely saying they’d speak to someone like that? How bizarre. I’d just ignore her from now on. You don’t need like friends like that. If she ever confronted you, you could simply say that you don’t have a huge amount in common any more.
There are people who like to make themselves feel superior to others by putting them down. She obviously has a lot going on and you don’t need that toxicity in your life.

courgettigreensadwater · 02/01/2023 16:31

PinkFrogss · 02/01/2023 14:53

Just ghost her

I agree. I wouldn't even bother lowering myself to her level. Rise above. She sounds like a twat.

BettyOBarley · 02/01/2023 16:34

I had a friend exactly like this. She wouldn't buy a new build like we did (and then did buy one!), only thick people did a certain job (which my DH did)... I just phased her out. It was a shame as we had been best friends since we were 11 but it was just totally toxic.

Templegate · 02/01/2023 16:35

I had a friend like this when I was in my teens and twenties. We met up for dinner one day and went to the cinema where she ran into to "cooler friends" and ditched me. I realised on the way home that it has been years since I had enjoyed her company. They she looked down on me, belittled all my achievements, said my boyfriend was boring (when actually it was that he had given her a knock back previously which pissed her off), was horrible about my Dad when he was seriously ill the same day she ditched me. Looking back I don't think she really saw other people are real the way she saw herself, we were all just playthings to her and she certainly had hangers on because she was quite successful. I'd had enough though, we'd had some really fun times as teens and I missed that version of her but after that night I ghosted her, probably not that nice but she deserved it. I still speak to her sister now and then and she tells me her sister is a very miserable, lonely women which is sad but she really did bring it on herself.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 02/01/2023 16:36

Dear ‘friend’,

Since you hate my life choices, my house, my decor and my dh, I am giving you the gift of freedom from them all, and myself the gift of freedom from your criticisms and unpleasantness. This friendship is over (and your nastiness was never friendly or acceptable), and I don’t wish to hear from you again.

Happy New Year,

@friendorfoe22.

BellePeppa · 02/01/2023 16:37

Neolara · 02/01/2023 14:53

Just stop hanging out with her.

This. It’s not rocket science. Be unavailable for everything, don’t reply and never instigate a communication.

Butchyrestingface · 02/01/2023 16:44

But you know this appears to be her default personality mode and yet you choose to remain friends with her. So she must presumably have SOMETHING going for her? (although it's not clear from your post what that could be).

HazelBite · 02/01/2023 16:47

"You obviously dissaprove of my life choices, so I don't know why you bother with me? "
I have said this to someone in the past (I had to plan it and gee myself up to do it as I hate conflict) the response was stunned silence so I got up and walked out of the cafe we were in.
Try this or a message like*@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius
I sympathise as sometimes we just let these relationships rumble on as it feels easier than just plucking up the courage to get rid.

58percent · 02/01/2023 16:50

She sounds very immature and messed up. Next time she messages you, just tell her that you were very upset by her behaviour in the pub and that you think she needs help. And then leave her to it. If she values you as a friend she'll take a good look at her own life and apologise. Chances are, she won't though!

Oojamaflipp · 02/01/2023 17:08

I wouldn't start swearing, I'd just say something like "you know I feel bad for people who need to put others down to make themselves feel better. Perhaps it's best we keep our distance from now on".

windmill26 · 02/01/2023 17:17

I would have said "Let me stop you there. This is where I draw the line under this so called friendship" and just walked away.

Bertha21 · 02/01/2023 17:18

I have a friend who I have known a long time. Family connections etc. she has become a bitter jealous unkind person. She never used to be like this. I have stepped back. But not completely, part of me wants to help her. I can see there are things in her life she isn’t dealing with. I saw her recently after months apart. But she was still causing issues and I’m in a similar situation to you. If you need to step away do it. I wouldn’t feel the need to cause a row. You know your reasons.

Ellie56 · 02/01/2023 17:19

Horrible, nasty and friend don't go together.

Just dump her.

Carsontrack · 02/01/2023 17:22

You don’t need to retaliate with nastiness. Simply say : ‘NAME, I’ve started thinking about our recent conversations and I’ve realised you don’t like anything I like and seem to have an issue with my decisions. Unless, you’re jealous of me? Either way, it’s not the healthiest basis for any friendship to continue unfortunately but I wish you all the best.’

I had a similar conversation with an ex friend 12 years ago and honestly, best decision I ever made.

WaddleAway · 02/01/2023 17:25

You’ve got to ask yourself why you’ve carried on associating with her for so long.

Cherrysherbet · 02/01/2023 17:29

Just walk away op.

This person brings nothing good to your life.