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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Horrible nasty friend

129 replies

friendorfoe22 · 02/01/2023 14:49

Names changed for this one.

I have a friend who is constantly and I mean CONSTANTLY rude about my life choices. It all started when I moved out with OH. Said the area I live in is boring, frequently mentions that she would buy a new build as they are badly built, my decor choice is horrible and just endless endless digs. She's a very bitter and jealous person, never praises or encourages anyone always puts people down. Constantly talks about herself, how she wants to travel the world, how much she gets paid at work and how her job is better than anyone. Also the other day, we went for a drink and all of a sudden she said any man whose name starts with D is toxic. Then she said her ex's name (Daniel) so it went 'all men who start with D are always so toxic even my ex Daniel, Doug, and the name David is the worst (David is my OH's name!) and I sat there and was like are you fucking joking? She clearly knew what she was doing and I said to her what's your problem and she said what? Everyone with those names are toxic and I was just disgusted. This is just a very small part of what she is like on a daily basis. How do I tell her to go fuck herself?

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 02/01/2023 15:39

Surely this is a joke?

Why would you tolerate someone like this?

oldperson1 · 02/01/2023 15:40

SomeChickensAreJustTooBig · 02/01/2023 15:09

You respond to the next invitation by saying “I don’t want to go/meet up with you, I don’t really like you very much and I don’t enjoy your company.”

This why are you giving her the time of day

category12 · 02/01/2023 15:40

Why do you continue seeing her?

If you think there is a friendship there to be saved, then call her out on her digs and ask her to stop. If not, just stop contact with or without telling her why.

extrasushiplease · 02/01/2023 15:43

This isn’t a friend: This is someone you’ve decided to spend your limited time on god’s green earth with. Since she clearly doesn’t care about your feelings, don’t worry about hers. I’d cut contact, and if she reached out, I’d say “sorry, but I’m tired of having everything in my life torn down. You are a deeply unpleasant, ill-informed, charmless person, and why you’ve chosen this route as a “personality” is beyond me. I’m going to wise up and take another road now and spend time with lovely, intelligent people who know that putting others down certainly doesn’t make them look any better. Best of luck.”

Then block and move on. She sounds like an emotional parasite with out of control narcisstic tendencies, and the only thing we can do is deprive them of their source.

CornishIrish · 02/01/2023 15:43

Copy/Paste this post link and send it to her?

She doesn’t sound like a happy person though. Hopefully she reflects a bit on how all relationships require effort and respect and since she hasn’t offered either that she has lost your respect and effort in return.

ILikeBigSaladsAndICannotLie · 02/01/2023 15:44

Calphurnia88 · 02/01/2023 15:39

Stop spending time with her.

Don't ask her to meet you, be unavailable if she asks you to meet her.

You don't owe her anything.

Absolutely this. Whatever friendship you had, or thought you had, is gone. If it ever even existed at all. Perhaps she's always been unpleasant & you're only just waking up to it? Either way, she sounds toxic & repetitive. Life's too short. Say something to her about how you feel, or don't, but fade her out, don't be available, don't reply to texts etc unless it's to say you can't meet up, don't answer the phone. Be too busy to chat if you happen to bump into her.

She's not your friend.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 02/01/2023 15:45

If she wants to travel the world (with her huge salary ) then tell her to FOTTFSOFAWSGTFOSM

Your New Years Resolution needs to be to cut all the deadwood from your life .
Starting with her !

MassiveSalad22 · 02/01/2023 15:46

Raise the bar OP! Your time is precious. New year new standards!

ToWhitToWhoo · 02/01/2023 15:47

Why are you calling her a friend? She clearly isn't. I would just not contact her, and if she contacts you, tell her that you are finding her constant negative comments insulting, and you think it best just to go separate ways.

usedtolovenaps · 02/01/2023 15:47

Why do you still keep in touch with her?

SnowlayRoundabout · 02/01/2023 15:47

So why have you stayed friends with her?

pocketvenuss · 02/01/2023 15:53

Yes yes. Everyone in the world whose name starts with 'D' is toxic. Of course. Tell her she's too toxic for you and you won't be spending time with her anymore.

GladiatorSandals · 02/01/2023 15:54

Sometimes posters on here come from a different universe. In this OP’s world, ‘friend’ appears to mean ‘someone I don’t like, for excellent reasons’.

FlissyPaps · 02/01/2023 15:54

She's a very bitter and jealous person

There’s your answer OP.

End the friendship. Life’s too short.

purplepencilcase · 02/01/2023 15:56

Oh my goodness. Life's too short for that nonsense.

Just get busy doing other things and ghost her. She'll soon get the message.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 02/01/2023 15:57

She’s an acquaintance, not a friend. I don’t know why so many MNers describe people they happen to know, who blatantly use them, and/or belittle them, and/or are just plain nasty, as ‘friends’.

WhatDoYouWantNow · 02/01/2023 15:57

Don't engage with her. Don't see, speak, text, or call. Block her on everything. She might get the message. If not, write her a letter and tell her what you've told us here.

Theemptychair23 · 02/01/2023 16:00

Honestly, if it wasn't for you saying you went for a drink with her, I would think you were talking about a school age child.

How many adults have that sort of mentality to say "Anyone whose names begins wit - is -".
Sounds like something a 10 year old would do.

whattodo1975 · 02/01/2023 16:03

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

FinallyHere · 02/01/2023 16:03

FOTTFSOF

[Fuck off to the far side of fuck and, when you get there, do fuck off some more. ]

Simples.

LimeTwists · 02/01/2023 16:04

I recently read a psychologist explaining that most people seek out and retain friendships where those friends make them feel good about themselves. Where you come away feeling energised and better, even if you felt rubbish when you first agreed to meet.

I think what I’d say to her would be along those lines. “Sorry Friend, but I’m really finding that a lot of conversations with you are very negative. I’m not interested in meeting up when so many catch-ups recently haven’t been particularly enjoyable for me as a result.” Then congratulate yourself on offloading some negative baggage from your life so early in the new year.

StaunchMomma · 02/01/2023 16:05

People like this will continue to be arseholes and escalate their fuckery until the other person refuses to take it any more. They're like little kids trying to find Mommy's boundaries!

Just tell her if she doesn't stop being a twunt then you are no longer interested in spending time with her.

You do need to follow through, though.

Happydays1987 · 02/01/2023 16:06

Pahahahahahaha

Happydays1987 · 02/01/2023 16:07

Sorry I put pahahaha in response to someones comment as it was hilarious but it’s gone on the whole feed.

I had a friend like this and I did cut her out of my life in the end because it just brought me down and someone who is so clearly jealous of you is not a friend. Why do you keep this friend around? For me I felt it was fear of the unknown and always felt sorry for her

Happydays1987 · 02/01/2023 16:09

Deathraystare · 02/01/2023 15:23

Sounds familiar... I have a friend like that. When you draw her up on her behaviour you get "Don't be so rude" or "It is just my way".

Omg I used to bloody these two bloody excuses!!