Generic MN teenagers

[WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles]

As a follow up to the brilliant "Generic DHs thread started by @TheShellBeach I thought we should have a "Generic MN teenage DC thread (apologies if someone was quicker off the mark and has already started this!)

The generic MN (male) teenager has “hollow legs” and eats a whole loaf of bread and drinks three pints of milk a day but is slightly underweight compared to his peers. He complles with the family rule of leaving mobile phones on the landing overnight without complaint. He has a big gaming chair and his favourite Christmas present this year was colour changing LED lights for his room. He doesn’t need any pocket money as he has a Saturday job so his parents just pay for his phone contract and essential clothing. He saves up himself and buys the expensive stuff he wants like Nike T shirts. He actually gets on with his siblings. Unlike other boys of his age he has zero interest in cannabis and drinks the odd can of fruit cider at a party.

Unlike the RL teenager who accidentally leaves a pack of Rizlas on his gaming desk (next to the LED lights which stopped working after an hour last Christmas but he still hasn’t taken them down) He doesn’t save for expensive stuff like Nike T shirts as he just spends all his money on stupid shit like 8 million Greggs sausage rolls and seventeen bottles of lucozade in one week. He fights with his siblings and you frequently hear him say “fuck off” to them when he doesn’t know you’re in the vicinty . He never answers his texts when you text him to ask if he will be in for dinner as “had no battery” despite you buying him a fucking power bank last week. As he arrives home after dinner he just cooks eleven chicken nuggets (nothing else) in the air fryer. He takes them up to his room and leaves the plate there for days next to the five half empty lucozade bottles.

I made a new friend recently (through my new hobby obviously!) and we discovered that we had teenage boys in the same year at the same school. We got excited that they may know each other, and then she described him, and he was the mythical MN teenage boy, I kid you not!

I told her that I very much doubted that our boys were friends (and then went home and cried).

His mother thinking that he is the mythical MN teenager and him actually being so, are potentially two rather different things.

A lad we know whose mother is insufferable about her MN generic lad (academic handsome scouted for football greatness etc) was retrieved by my friend from a bush dead drunk after a party she was collecting her own son from. Sorry to say we sniggered.

I remember telling ds that if someone approached him for an interview, he was to pretend to be devastated at the prospect of no exams!

I am a teacher. Kids actually cheered and kept hoping for cancellations.

Thank you so much op for starting this thread. Glad I’m not alone in finding the mn teens hilarious!

Just asked my own teen about her feelings over school closures during lockdown. She said she hoped they'd be shut forever 😂

Good thread @whataboutsecondbreakfast! We are on a roll I do feel a bit guilty though about this thread now as there was an interaction in our house this morning where the bedroom door was repeatedly knocked followed by

"do you want anything from the shop?"
"What?"
"Turn your music down!"
"Okay sorry, what?"
"DO YOU WANT ANYTHING FROM THE SHOP? Bloody hell turn your music down, why is so loud and sweary for gods sake?"
"Errr I don't want anything thanks"
"Okay. You still owe me £7 for hair dye by the way"
"Okay" <followed by massive eyeroll the minute the bedroom door closed>

I am ashamed to say I was the teenager in that exchange. I also need to take three mugs and a teaspoon down from my bedroom before I dye my hair. I am also avoiding some work I really really need to finish.
I feel the need to start a Generic MN mother thread so I can learn where I am going wrong. I don't own an item of Boden or Cos clothing, should I start there?

"They are never, ever, EVER the teenagers that disappear from class 'to go to the toilet' and are then found hiding round the back of the caretaker's shed with three bottles of vodka, about £173.84 in cash and eyes the size of saucers because when they heard somebody coming they had the bright idea of eating the entire bag of edibles they were intending to add as a free gift with every £10 Elfbar they sold to the Year 7s."

Love this! What is it with all the fucking Elfbars?!

Sorry meant to quote @NeverDropYourMooncup there!

I really should stop fucking about on social media in my pyjamas and get on with some work.

My teens (and their pre-teen sibling) are all sock eating twats.

I spend what feels like hundreds of pounds a year on fucking socks, and will get perhaps 3% of them back to wash. They’re either eating them, or they’re being dissolved by the utter noxiousness that the RL teen oozes.

MN teens are tall and athletic. They eat a Mumsnet chicken to themselves at meal times

MN teens must have a hobby that they don't just enjoy, they excel at it, because they are a regular topic of conversation at be Mumsnet Mummy's dinner party where friends secretly compare how their child is against their peers and everyone knows that the child's success is proof Mumsnet Mummy is a brilliant Mummy.

It's eluxe legends here apparently Elf bars are only 600. Total nightmare.

Following. Two RL teens here.

The MN teenager always uses social media responsibily, if at all! They may have the latest iPhone but they could take it or leave it to be honest. They only have Tik Tok for the cat videos and they might be on Snapchat, but just so they can message their friends about homework. The MN teenager's Mum knows she doesn't need to check their phone or monitor their social media use, because they have conversations about "safeguarding" around the dinner table every evening and the MN teen is always so insightful. Anyway, why would she check their phone when they already tell her everything?They are definitely not the same teenagers I have to call home about because they've been searching for hard-core porn on a school computer, their Mum assured me that both I and the digital monitoring software that alerted me, are mistaken.

My MN teen made it to school on time today but went back to bed when he got home. I suspect he tried to stealth nap in classes today.
He is currently gaming and shouting excitedly on his headset. Hopefully he'll consider going to bed by midnight rather than staying up and repeating today.

Ah MN teen dds. Love playing all sports usually at county level. Several musical instruments. Dress like Maria in the sound of music snd are passionate about climate change politics and anxious to go to a red brick uni to study medicine.

RL teen dds. Lazy and hate all sports. Play only their faces. Dress like prostitutes in summer all year round. Talk about climate change only to tell me to recycle and order endless pizza and fast food which they half eat then inexplicably leave on the kitchen floor by the back door! Fake tan like Donald trump and hair dye like tonks in Harry Potter. Think a red brick uni is a new night club. Anxious to piss around doing art degrees at art college as that's both cool and easy

Loving this thread, can someone link the DH one please as I can’t find it. I don’t have either DH or teens if my own but definitely recognise both rl and from here MN teens. MN teens are often sensitive, perhaps due to being very sensitive babies toddlers and children.

The MN teenager's Mum knows she doesn't need to check their phone or monitor their social media use, because they have conversations about "safeguarding" around the dinner table every evening and the MN teen is always so insightful.

To pick up on a point here - the MN teenager of course sits down at a dinner table with their family every night where they discuss their days and have eloquent discussions about current events.

They never arrange to meet a friend at the last minute when you'd cooked something that doesn't reheat well, mumble something about maybe getting pizza while out, or go AWOL with their phone apparently out of charge.

@TrentCrimm
She most certainly never goes OTT with brow powder, and her bedsheets don't look like a giant skidmark where she's fake tanned in prep for Olivia's party. She doesn't have a room that would make Stig of the Dump baulk, and you never have to step over discarded knickers, gusset upwards to retrieve used glasses and plates, all festooned with used cotton wool pads.

This is hilarious!!!! Describes my lovely DS16 to a tee 👌👌

@TrentCrimm

*DD16 🤔

He discusses hw and uni choices thoughtfully with his mum, who looks forward to the good fun they have together playing family board games or going to see xmas lights. He has a lovely gf obviously.

IRL mum gets 'noneofyourbusiness'.

Trent 😂😂😂 the dreaded fake tan!

There should be a MN mum one if there’s not already. Perfect parenting, living rural, clothes from Boden finished off with a statement necklace and earning six figures.

Who also has crippling social anxiety, is regularly ‘screamed at’ by strangers and acquaintances alike, and can stretch a small roast chicken to last a week.