Generic MN teenagers

[WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles]

As a follow up to the brilliant "Generic DHs thread started by @TheShellBeach I thought we should have a "Generic MN teenage DC thread (apologies if someone was quicker off the mark and has already started this!)

The generic MN (male) teenager has “hollow legs” and eats a whole loaf of bread and drinks three pints of milk a day but is slightly underweight compared to his peers. He complles with the family rule of leaving mobile phones on the landing overnight without complaint. He has a big gaming chair and his favourite Christmas present this year was colour changing LED lights for his room. He doesn’t need any pocket money as he has a Saturday job so his parents just pay for his phone contract and essential clothing. He saves up himself and buys the expensive stuff he wants like Nike T shirts. He actually gets on with his siblings. Unlike other boys of his age he has zero interest in cannabis and drinks the odd can of fruit cider at a party.

Unlike the RL teenager who accidentally leaves a pack of Rizlas on his gaming desk (next to the LED lights which stopped working after an hour last Christmas but he still hasn’t taken them down) He doesn’t save for expensive stuff like Nike T shirts as he just spends all his money on stupid shit like 8 million Greggs sausage rolls and seventeen bottles of lucozade in one week. He fights with his siblings and you frequently hear him say “fuck off” to them when he doesn’t know you’re in the vicinty . He never answers his texts when you text him to ask if he will be in for dinner as “had no battery” despite you buying him a fucking power bank last week. As he arrives home after dinner he just cooks eleven chicken nuggets (nothing else) in the air fryer. He takes them up to his room and leaves the plate there for days next to the five half empty lucozade bottles.

MN generic teen girls are tall, very slender (especially next to their friends who are starting to look a bit podgy), and incredibly beautiful. So, so beautiful. And very slender. Actually slightly underweight but you're pretty sure that's normal for teenage girls. The rest of them are too chunky anyway so who can tell? They go to an all girls school, where their 12 grade 9 GCSEs are nothing special, and are contemplating whether to stick with 5 A-Levels or drop down to 4 to make time for their nationals training in gymnastics/ballet/horse riding. Actually, they all seem to have horses, which are the only things which combat their crippling anxiety.

MN generic teen boys are invariably about 6'4" and are either big hulking rugby player types or "just escaped from Gulag" thin. They'll eat you out of house and home and can pick up their teeny tiny mothers one handed by the age of 12. They're bright but lazy. Difficult to say exactly how bright because they've never really put in any effort and so keep getting Ds. Probably a genius.

but the generic MN husband is so tall (and such a hunk) that he is widely swooned over

And yet when you read the "famous people you fancy" threads you realise most MNs need to go to specsavers!

Sadly I have 2 RL teen boys. Their only form of exercise is ‘play fighting’ or running away from each other, the younger one sometimes screaming in panic.

The older one has now gone off the Mexican chicken flavour pot noodles that I stupidly bought about 6 pots of, and the younger one only eats oven chips and actimels under duress.
Older one seems to think that texting his mate asking which BBC bite size videos to watch for his mocks , is REALLY pushing the boat out in terms of revision.
When talking about New Year’s Resolutions the only thing the younger one wants to do is ‘unpack Ronaldo’.

They are never, ever, EVER the teenagers that disappear from class 'to go to the toilet' and are then found hiding round the back of the caretaker's shed with three bottles of vodka, about £173.84 in cash and eyes the size of saucers because when they heard somebody coming they had the bright idea of eating the entire bag of edibles they were intending to add as a free gift with every £10 Elfbar they sold to the Year 7s.

They are also only ever slightly overexcitable and stressed from 6 hours' revision a day when practically bouncing off the ceilings and certainly not tripping balls, because this isn't one of those undersubscribed sink schools that those sort of children go to.

They are, of course, never ever late for school despite leaving either 7 minutes before the bell when they live 59 minutes away or left the house at half past 6 this morning, so couldn't possibly have been seen hanging around McDonalds at 9.30am and their late mark needs to be removed as they only arrived a couple of minutes late because the bus was stuck in traffic, not rolling in at five to eleven carrying a strawberry frappuchino and three Primark bags (one of which consists almost entirely of false eyelashes like a bag dismembered soot sprites).

And most of all, they are never, EVER, vicious little bastards who have tortured a vulnerable child to the brink of suicide or cornered a female student and tried to coerce her into performing sexual acts.

I honestly dread it when they get the boxing gloves out

MN teens are always described as 'very sensible'. They have been allowed 'a small glass of fizz' at family events since the age of 14 and this means they now drink very responsible. In fact, they very rarely drink.

Whereas RL teens are filling up their lemonade bottle with the vodka that their mates older brother got them, and passing out in fields (looking at you DS2!)

Oh yes the regulation MN DH is usually 6'2" and can't fit in a double bed, it must be super king (or king-size if they're slumming it)
Their tall and sporty or tall and willowy teens also need king-size beds. I've no idea how they wash and dry bedding on a hourly daily basis, it must barely fit in the machine!!

My deprived RL teens have single beds, but they are shorties like me.

Quite. Makes you wonder whether the supposed swooning is actually people goggling in disbelief.

Oh yes the kids are always ‘very bright’. And if there’s no evidence they’re very bright, then they’re still very bright, and it’s just that the school isn’t ‘supporting them correctly’ or ‘meeting their needs’. Or, more rarely, because they’re ‘lazy and not putting the effort in to let their potential shine’. Because MN kids are NEVER just average…

🤣🤣🤣

Either way he would NEVER cheat. Despite that hotel receipt in his trouser pocket, she trusts him 100%.

Exactly.more than one Mumsnetter has admitted to having a thing for Jacob Rees Mogg!! 😳 (I suppose he ticks the "over 6'2" " box but I can't imagine what else is remotely appealing about him)

Thank god mines not the only one

@DirtyBlonde 👋🏻maybe I am 😅… I am also familiar with the ‘DD version’… eyerolls at everything I wear clothes wise but happy to immediately steal all new make up, new underwear, trainers and handbags from me.
Also believes it’s unnecessary to tell any details about her friends just in case I try to speak to them when giving lifts or something (which would just be too ‘cringe’ apparently).

Exactly.more than one Mumsnetter has admitted to having a thing for Jacob Rees Mogg!! 😳 (I suppose he ticks the "over 6'2" " box but I can't imagine what else is remotely appealing about him)

His "naice" house a bank balance?

Lol at some of the replies. Now I can't tell the difference between a MN teenager and a RL one. They seem to have merged 🤔
My RL teenager's escapades would make your hair stand on end and gave us several heart attacks. Clue: it wasn't staying up late and eating McDonald's! But now in their late 20's has own 5 bed home with partner and baby, own business earning something like £150k pa each, a Mercedes etc.
The other one who fits the MN teenager profile never gave us one bit of trouble and is training to be an accountant.

MN Generic Teens, or indeed all MN children whatever their ages, regularly inhale or hoover the contents of the fruit bowl, said fruit bowl must be refilled by the mum every day, never do they eat junk or - God Forbid - cereal, known as shit in a box on MN because no Generic MN house has such foodstuffs within.

Whereas in RL the fruit bowl is a repository for general bits of crap plus the odd wizened apple and the cupboards are full of all manner of 'junk' foods including the dreaded cereal (shit in a box) which are mainlined by all the occupants of the house.

Oh yes. All generic MN children are like the children in the Catherine Tate sketch who demand reassurance that the fruit and vegetables [always to be referred to as veggies] they’re about to consume are organic and produced within 5 miles of their generic MN home, although they may push the boat out and consume a gooseberry and cinnamon yogurt.

I only know that my nocturnal teen DS is still alive because a Hansel & Gretel trail of Rice Krispies has appeared between the kitchen and his bedroom door.

My generic teen is based on my own. Eats 6000 calories a day, short for age and looks anorexic. 5,6 but weighs 7 stone, disappears when turns to the side. Extremely clever but seems to struggle with basic concepts of life. Games and swears until the early hours regardless of if its school, work, family outing the next day. Can't stand his siblings, doesnt follow fashion. Room smells of teen anxt and entitlement. Could go to any uni of choice but prefers to drift. Incredibly irritating but no real reason to dislike him. Entitled. Lazy.

Omg, yes! I'd forgotten how utterly painful I found watching the news during that time. Who were all these strange teenagers they kept wheeling into the BBC News?!

My teenagers loved lockdown and were praying for the schools to stay shut.

Thought this was only my daughter. She shoves it in there together with her dirty knickers (in addition to those on the floor/hidden in various unexpected places, empty packs of crisps and various plastic bottles. 🙈I definitely have a RL teen girl

This!!!! 😂

Laughed at this one as our fruit bowl is currently populated by a random usb stick no one will lay claim to, several pens that don't work, some old earphones and a manky banana.

Doing well on the generic MN family scale.

Ah yes, the MN teen boy is always tall and athletic, swims for county but is going for national trials and all the girls are after him.