Generic MN teenagers

[WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles]

As a follow up to the brilliant "Generic DHs thread started by @TheShellBeach I thought we should have a "Generic MN teenage DC thread (apologies if someone was quicker off the mark and has already started this!)

The generic MN (male) teenager has “hollow legs” and eats a whole loaf of bread and drinks three pints of milk a day but is slightly underweight compared to his peers. He complles with the family rule of leaving mobile phones on the landing overnight without complaint. He has a big gaming chair and his favourite Christmas present this year was colour changing LED lights for his room. He doesn’t need any pocket money as he has a Saturday job so his parents just pay for his phone contract and essential clothing. He saves up himself and buys the expensive stuff he wants like Nike T shirts. He actually gets on with his siblings. Unlike other boys of his age he has zero interest in cannabis and drinks the odd can of fruit cider at a party.

Unlike the RL teenager who accidentally leaves a pack of Rizlas on his gaming desk (next to the LED lights which stopped working after an hour last Christmas but he still hasn’t taken them down) He doesn’t save for expensive stuff like Nike T shirts as he just spends all his money on stupid shit like 8 million Greggs sausage rolls and seventeen bottles of lucozade in one week. He fights with his siblings and you frequently hear him say “fuck off” to them when he doesn’t know you’re in the vicinty . He never answers his texts when you text him to ask if he will be in for dinner as “had no battery” despite you buying him a fucking power bank last week. As he arrives home after dinner he just cooks eleven chicken nuggets (nothing else) in the air fryer. He takes them up to his room and leaves the plate there for days next to the five half empty lucozade bottles.

MN - teen girl goes shopping and shares clothes with their mum. Gets ready on time so that family days out happen as planned.

RL - so critical of mum - but will accept no criticism at all against her. Anything mum wears is now so out of fashion she wouldn’t contemplate wearing it. Will stay in bed until afternoon even though you were meant to be going out together in the morning. However if she remembers she has an appointment you have 3 seconds to get ready or you are the worst patents ever…

MN Generic teenager's mum agonises about whether super bright teen should 'firm up' Durham or Imperial.

RL teenager's mum stares aghast as teen 'firms up' pot noodle with extra nandos peri peri sauce and a tin of mushy peas.

Ha! Not just my DD then. Please add my skinny jeans to the black tights and washing list.
(Can someone also help me find my vintage leather jacket which has disappeared in the subterranean depths of her wardrobe).

The mn teenager is never bored because they love geocaching.

MN teens do not have Tik Tok, whatsapp or Snap. They are quite happy to wait until 18 for social media.

They also compliantly hand over their phones for parents to check through with no issue.

But how can they leave the house to go geocaching? They reached grade 8 on three instruments by the age of 10 and are now in 37 orchestras, for which they are constantly in rehearsals.

The MN teen is never lonely because they have a group of equally lovely friends who all love to come over to their house (above everyone else's house) and they are great people and polite, all hanging out and having lolz

MN teenager is a voracious reader of books and can whip up a 3 course meal for her family (after six hours of studying and swim practice). Wide vocabulary from all the reading.

RL - watches the film versions and thinks Pot Noodle on toast is the GOAT while telling her mates they 'slay'.

male mn teen is 18 and has NEVER looked at pornography, (neither does his father). We know this for certain because he often expresses how much he hates the exploitation of women.

DS(17) does do his own washing. He makes a mean carbonara as well. He also bellows like a wounded buffalo while playing games online and hoards plates, cups & glasses until the contents become sentient life-forms with a working democracy.

The solitary drunken experience resulting in the teenager making a tit of themself/throwing up is a Lesson Learned and is never repeated. Any other type of bad behaviour or pushing of boundaries is quickly rectified by the parents turning off the wifi.

They can fit in geocaching, because they are masters of time management.

It's perfectly possible for a teen to fit in school work, additional extension work for fun, play 3 different instruments, play 2 sports to at least county level, take part in regular drama productions, complete their Duke of Edinburgh award, volunteer, have a part time job, complete their fair share of household chores and have a fantastic social life.

Other teens could do this too, if they only didn't spend so much time on TikTok.

MN teen girl would never have a bath, leave all of the dirty clothes all over the floor, bath full and when the water is drained a filthy brown tide mark from fake tan, rings, earrings and necklaces all over the floor, every bathroom item with the lid off.

MN teen would never make something as simple as tea or coffee but absolutely destroy the kitchen in the process with cupboard doors left open, coffee all over the sides, milk left out etc.

No MN teen would ever go out with their mates in the park and get wasted but that is probably because I deprived them of one fruity cider on special occasions.

No MN mum ever goes into a teen room and find stashes of elf bars.

Mine actually passed his driving test first time and drives like a granny on rural roads. Picks up the Waitrose shop and puts it all away 🤣

Actually after 10 lessons had 4 beers and thought it would be great idea to pick up his mates WITHOUT a license and go and pick up some illegal shit too

MN teenagers have parents who just don’t stand for any nonsense or rudeness from their teens. Simple. I don’t know why the rest of us didn’t think of that.

Mine is a hybrid as well. Genuinely very academic, loves learning stuff - but can't go three days without a behaviour point for either a non existent skirt, chewing gum, or talking over her teachers.

also everything is "cute" at the moment. Drives me insane

I asked an AI to give me a photograph of Mumsnet teenage boy and girl

My teenager is really kind. Absolutely lovely. They wouldn't dream of hurting another person.

^^ this translates in my head to, "I don't really know what my teen is like because I am blind to their faults, and I don't see other teens as real people. My child is probably just an ordinary sort of decent person who is mostly nice to their friends, for which I elevate them to sainthood. I have no idea that my child happened to laugh quite cruelly at another teen, and although it wasn't the crime of the century, that person felt shit because of it. They also totally ignore someone I've never heard of."

Or something like that. Any poster who doesn't see their kids as human and fallible, basically.

MN teens are just like the kids from the Famous five stories only more sensible.

This has been such a funny read. I reckon I could totally be the MN parent, would love my kids to be at a super selective grammar and to have the odd fruit cider. However, life has given me a real teen. It's nice to be able to celebrate that for once on Mumsnet.

I agree. It doesn't seem real sometimes. There was a thread on NYE about a 15 year old having 2 beers at someone's house. They thought it was bad enough to post a thread. Meanwhile I am hearing real stories of dds friends with plenty of alcohol at NYE parties.

MN teenager- sporty, musical, tall, slim, hollow legs, eats healthily, hoovers food. Very bright/ gifted or SEN but bright.

RL- hates exercise/ sport, average height, overweight, eats beige food, listens to music on earpods but wouldn't know one end of a guitar from the other. Average to plain thick.

🤣

Mines a hybrid, cracks on with home work and revision unsupervised since 12. is doing the most intense A levels and predicted As, get himself up and out to school no waking him or nagging. seems to have nice friends goes out to golf with them🙂

Hasn't spoken to me for a year, will answer me if a direct question, with one word answer and only on pain of death with his dad eyeballing him. I am the Worst mum to walk the earth and he hates my guts.

eats like a horse, has stacks of dishes in his shit tip that stinks. Will go nuclear if asked to put his pots in the dish washer.

🤣🤣

Ha Ha so funny 😂 Teens are such cliches aren't they.

Mine was a complete stay in his pit of a room, gaming until 3am every night, sullen and unwashed. Then he passed his exams, got into university and is lovely to us. He even got his Grandparents Christmas presents and posted them. It's so weird.