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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner’s alarm clock - AIBU?

109 replies

Toto531 · 02/01/2023 07:10

Just wanted to get your thoughts on something that’s been driving me insane for nearly 3 years now…
My partner gets up early for work, could be anytime between 4am and 6am…my problem is his alarm clock… He sets it on the highest possible volume to go off every 5 minutes and this can sometimes go on for an hour each morning, sometimes longer. Every time it goes off, it doesn’t wake him so I have to shake him to switch it off (the alarm is on his phone fyi). During this hour to hour and a half, I cannot fall back to sleep. I am a very light sleeper and it takes me a while to fall asleep as it is. To make things worse, we have a newborn in with us and so I am getting even less sleep as the moment. I’ve brought up the subject of changing his alarm many times. I’ve just asked if it could not be as loud and and also go off less times. He refuses point blank to change this. I do feel upset as I feel that he is being slightly selfish and he could compromise…lord knows the sacrifices I have made for him. He says he has to have it this loud and that many times as he doesn’t wake up. He doesn’t wake up whatever the situation, I have to wake him every time and ask him to switch it off. It sounds silly but it’s got to the point where it’s driving me crazy and I get so angry about his lack of empathy towards me. And then I can’t go back to sleep as I’m so wound up by it all. He’s told me that I’m just looking for an argument. All I want is a bit of uninterrupted sleep and for him to compromise. I appreciate he has an early start but at the moment I’m up at all hours with the baby and could just do with a bit of understanding and sympathy to keep me sane.
maybe I’m being unreasonable? Thoughts would be appreciated or any advice on how to deal with the situation?

OP posts:
SavoirFlair · 02/01/2023 07:11

He needs to sleep in a different room.

KangarooKenny · 02/01/2023 07:12

Separate rooms.

Keyansier · 02/01/2023 07:16

Yes, separate rooms. What good is lowering the alarm going to do if he doesn't wake up on the loud setting? It's either going to still wake you up which is more of the same thing, or it wakes neither of you up and he is constantly late for work and gets fired and then you'll be at risk of losing your home.

oioimatey · 02/01/2023 07:19

Separate rooms, for sure.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 02/01/2023 07:20

Just had exactly the same argument, I honestly wake up with such a start as it's SO loud. I'm currently seething upstairs but will tell him later he can sleep in the spare room of he wants to carry on having it top volume.

Shoxfordian · 02/01/2023 07:20

Yeah he needs to sleep in another room

rwalker · 02/01/2023 07:21

I get the anxiety out not hearing alarm and not getting up and missing work

going forward the odd night in separate room
Experiment with different alarms to see which one works

watchfulwishes · 02/01/2023 07:21

Your only sensible option is separate rooms. You could have the separate rooms in separate houses too!

ClaireVictorias · 02/01/2023 07:22

Wow what a complete arsehole. This is totally unreasonable. Tell him to set it once, you hear it if he doesn’t.. wake him and he gets up.. preferably right before he needs to not hours before. If he can’t, he can sleep on the sofa! I would not compromise on this. Sleep is so important especially when you’re up with a baby. I am terrible without enough sleep and he’s being a selfish twat.

Original poster
Toto531 · 02/01/2023 07:23

He’s a farmer so he can’t get fired… but he might annoy the cows if he’s late!
hate the thought of separate rooms but might be the only way forward which is a shame.

OP posts:
vivaespanaole · 02/01/2023 07:24

You don't keep hitting snooze when two other people are asleep in the room. That's just terrible manners and selfish of him.

He is a grown man and he won't change his method which you are facilitating even though it doesn't work for you. So you need to stop participating.

So if he won't change you need to. When it goes off once. You wake him. Once. Just once. If he chooses to behave like a teenager and not get up then he is late for work. After being late for work several times I guarantee he will start behaving like an adult and getting up straight away-because there is a consequence.

Original poster
Toto531 · 02/01/2023 07:24

I’ve tried asking him to do it less times etc but he says he can’t wake himself up properly…hence the excessive number of times it goes off.

OP posts:
Poppyblush · 02/01/2023 07:39

What a selfish shit!

SpaceMonitor · 02/01/2023 07:40

Separate rooms is the only way.

HighlandCowbag · 02/01/2023 07:47

We has a rule when ds was tiny that 'you wake him you take him'. A couple of times of dh taking him downstairs while he drank his morning coffee soon has dh a fuckton quieter in a morning.

If your dh is a farmer he should be used to getting up early. He perhaps needs to go to bed earlier. If he carries on he can bed down with the cows.

greenjojocat · 02/01/2023 07:47

Can he get a smartwatch that vibrates on his wrist rather than makes a sound?

midnightfirework · 02/01/2023 07:47

He's being ridiculous. What would he do if you weren't there?

What's the point of setting it off for an hour?!

He needs to try and throw himself out of bed the moment it goes off. Perhaps he should sleep elsewhere until he's sorted it out. Or get one of those watches that shakes to wake you up.

Or, when it first goes off shine a torch in his eyes.

neighboursmustliveon · 02/01/2023 07:48

I don't think sleeping in different rooms will help as he still won't hear his alarm and stop it but you will hear it - my children also don't wake up with alarms and we can hear their alarms. My daughter regularly sets random early alarms which wake me and not her.

If he is taking 60-90 mins to get up I presume he doesn't actually need to get up at that earlier time but is setting his many alarms to slowly wake up?

He needs to change this to setting an alarm 10 mins before he needs to get up and when you wake him up he needs to get his ass out of bed right away.

He is being so unreasonable.

cavebaby · 02/01/2023 07:49

Can't or won't?

An early alarm is bad enough but to continue to snooze it is incredibly selfish. He's a grown adult and he needs to get up and out of bed on the first alarm.

If it's waking you up anyway, wake him up the first time then turn his alarms off and roll over.

Ginandtoner · 02/01/2023 07:50

Why does he’s set his alarm an hour and half before he needs to get up?

he can sleep on the sofa until he can sort his shit out and wake up to a single alarm like a normal adult

SlouchingTowardsBethlehemAgain · 02/01/2023 07:55

I would not be sharing a room with this muppet.

lennonj · 02/01/2023 07:56

It really isn’t helping him wake up in the morning anyway so i can’t imagine why he thinks he ‘needs’ it that way. Pick a time he wants to get up, set his alarm once, you maybe have to wake him and he gets straight up! That’s how it works for millions of couples who don’t want to disturb each other. You will still hear the alarm in another room unless you have incredibly thick walls, I do when my husband gets up very early and I go in the spare room, but he does get straight up.

LanceandBecky · 02/01/2023 08:04

My DH has an alarm for 4am and I don't need to get up until 6am.

He has a vibrating alarm under his pillow and he gets up straight away, gets dressed silently in the dark, and then continues getting ready downstairs, so he never disturbs me.

Because he's a nice guy and not an arsehole.

Why have you been allowing this for 3 years? Definitely sleep elsewhere if you can. Sleep is SO important.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 02/01/2023 08:08

I would be turning the alarm off after the second time it went off. He's a selfish person to let it continue for ages. Fair enough if he needs an alarm but that's ridiculous. What about something like an Apple Watch? That's my alarm in the mornings as it only vibrates on my wrist so doesn't disturb anyone else.

ChristmasCakeAndStilton · 02/01/2023 08:09

I can accept the alarm needing to be loud, but only a selfish arsehole hits snooze at that time in the morning. He needs to get out of bed the first time it goes off.