Page 3 | Partner’s alarm clock - AIBU?

SixCharactersinSearchofanAuthor · 02/01/2023 11:07

I have dumped a guy for this. Every fucking morning, noisy alarm every 5 minutes for an hour or so, once he even went back to sleep after having got up to run a bath which then overflowed and was dripping in the kitchen below. And then he got dressed by getting one item of clothing at a time out so stomp across room, get socks, slam drawer closed, stomp back to bed, slam down into bed, put one sock on, slam back onto bed, put other sock on, stomp across room, get pants, slam drawer closed, stomp back, bounce on bed, slam open wardrobe doors, stomp, bounce, slam - it was at least two hours of torture every fucking morning and sometimes he even did it whilst humming.

Mamette · 02/01/2023 11:16

Separate rooms yes but long term I would question the whole set up. You’re “looking for an argument” wtf

SkylightSkylight · 02/01/2023 11:17

watchfulwishes · 02/01/2023 07:21

Your only sensible option is separate rooms. You could have the separate rooms in separate houses too!

Given his attitude separate houses would be my choice.

I have an ex (not an ex for this reason, but in a way part of it) who would set his alarm to 'go for a run' (fine, not great as I'm an insomniac, so sleep is precious, but 'fine' as he wanted to run before work, pretty normal) except, he'd let it go off again & again and NOT go for a run (cba, too hot/cold/wet/cloudy/sunny) so he'd be snoring & I would be wide awake.

many discussions were had!! He'd promise to get up on the first alarm & actually GO.

how I didn't smother him I don't know!!!

I'm a lot older now, I wouldn't be putting up with that shit these days!!!

& I wouldn't have if we'd had a baby!!

Judgyjudgy · 02/01/2023 11:17

Research different kinds. I once got one that could be strapped around my wrist and vibrated so I would not disturb DH

DrinkReprehensibly · 02/01/2023 11:18

I made this mistake when I was younger. I struggled to wake up and needed to snooze the alarm so I would make it earlier and earlier so I could have more snoozes as I felt so tired. Then one day i realised that instead of having poor quality sleep for 1.5hrs, maybe if I set my alarm later and got really good deep sleep for that 1.5hrs, I might find it easier to wake up. It worked in the end. He must be setting the alarm much earlier than actually needed to allow for all the snoozing unless he's actually arriving at work late every day. He's not waking as he's probably still in deep sleep. Maybe try pointing out that his approach doesn't make logical sense and see if he's willing to give an alternative a try.

If not, he's going to have to realise how unhappy it's making you so I would suggest separate rooms.

brusselspout · 02/01/2023 11:23

Separate rooms won't work if he doesn't hear it, OP is going to end up being woken by the alarm blaring in a different room and have to actually get up to go and turn it off!
Wristwatch alarm methinks

RedHelenB · 02/01/2023 11:23

Toto531 · 02/01/2023 07:23

He’s a farmer so he can’t get fired… but he might annoy the cows if he’s late!
hate the thought of separate rooms but might be the only way forward which is a shame.

Two options. Separate rooms. Or you set your alarm and wake him up.

Grumpybutfunny · 02/01/2023 11:23

It's hard because I like the morning snooze (I wake up about 5am and snooze until 5:30ish), could you compromise on say 30 minute snoozing? Maybe don't wake him just silence the alarms and let the cows tell him off a few times.

greenacrylicpaint · 02/01/2023 11:29

dh and I have a similar issue, though I'm the early riser.

I wear my smartwatch to bed and the alarm is a vibration on the wrist. it has never failed to wake me up. and dh keeps sleeping.

all clothes and what I needin thd morning is laid out in the bathroom so that I don't need to disturb him by entering the bedroom.

Bonbon21 · 02/01/2023 11:36

He sets the alarm to go off AT THE TIME HE NEEDS TO GET UP!! And then he gets up!!
Nobody needs to 'snooze' for up to an hour on a normal working day.
The clock would be leaving via the window and he would follow on the toe of my boot!
Selfish git.
The alternative?
Separate rooms til you can make more permanent arrangements..

Herejustforthisone · 02/01/2023 11:54

He’s a selfish cunt of the highest order. Fucking hell. You have a newborn. What the fuck is wrong with him?

Original poster

Toto531 · 02/01/2023 13:24

Thank you so much for your replies, it’s good to know I’m not being unreasonable! I will definitely be dealing with this later…

OP posts:

Cakecakecheese · 02/01/2023 16:50

If I told my partner he was disturbing me he would look into a solution. The fact that your husband knows you're struggling and refuses to do anything about it is almost as infuriating as the alarm thing. Is he selfish in general?

Ponderingwindow · 02/01/2023 17:01

One snooze can help ease the transition. Sometimes if I try to get up too fast I get a headache. Beyond that, he is just robbing himself of time he could be getting restful sleep.

when DH had a radically different awake time than our newborn, he slept in a different room. He wasn’t even bad about his alarm. I just desperately needed every bit of sleep I could get with a really poor sleeping baby. It wasn’t a permanent change. He moved back into our bed once the baby was a bit older and sleep was more settled.

ShakespearesBlister · 02/01/2023 17:02

I live with someone like this. I just set my alarm really loud on his days off 😃

Grrrrdarling · 02/01/2023 17:26

Toto531 · 02/01/2023 07:10

Just wanted to get your thoughts on something that’s been driving me insane for nearly 3 years now…
My partner gets up early for work, could be anytime between 4am and 6am…my problem is his alarm clock… He sets it on the highest possible volume to go off every 5 minutes and this can sometimes go on for an hour each morning, sometimes longer. Every time it goes off, it doesn’t wake him so I have to shake him to switch it off (the alarm is on his phone fyi). During this hour to hour and a half, I cannot fall back to sleep. I am a very light sleeper and it takes me a while to fall asleep as it is. To make things worse, we have a newborn in with us and so I am getting even less sleep as the moment. I’ve brought up the subject of changing his alarm many times. I’ve just asked if it could not be as loud and and also go off less times. He refuses point blank to change this. I do feel upset as I feel that he is being slightly selfish and he could compromise…lord knows the sacrifices I have made for him. He says he has to have it this loud and that many times as he doesn’t wake up. He doesn’t wake up whatever the situation, I have to wake him every time and ask him to switch it off. It sounds silly but it’s got to the point where it’s driving me crazy and I get so angry about his lack of empathy towards me. And then I can’t go back to sleep as I’m so wound up by it all. He’s told me that I’m just looking for an argument. All I want is a bit of uninterrupted sleep and for him to compromise. I appreciate he has an early start but at the moment I’m up at all hours with the baby and could just do with a bit of understanding and sympathy to keep me sane.
maybe I’m being unreasonable? Thoughts would be appreciated or any advice on how to deal with the situation?

You have way more patience than I would have had with him.
To be honest by now I would have shoved his phone where the sun doesn’t shine, while the alarm was going off, as well as kicking him right out of the bed as soon as the alarm starts going off to help him wake up 😂
If he can’t or doesn’t need to get up when the 1st alarm goes off he needs to stop setting it so early!
He is behaving like a selfish ass & if you have a spare room I’d honestly be moving him into it so he can learn how to get himself up!!

LumpyandBumps · 02/01/2023 18:08

Could you borrow a cattle prod? That might ensure he got up the first time you woke him. 😈

WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles · 02/01/2023 18:23

This has been happening for three years? Fuck separate rooms as a fix, I would bet my house and lot that there is more to this and he is a selfish thoughtless fucker in general.

@Toto531 is there a reason why you don't expect better treatment than this from him? This is not him being "slightly selfish" which is minimising it hugely. It's indicative of a much wider pattern of him being uncaring, unkind and having so little regard for your happiness and well-being. It's so fucking disrespectful to you.

This isn't about an alarm clock, this is about your relationship and it's runs deeper than separate rooms and vibrating watches. You deserve so much better. If you have the space and time to have a deeper think about his behaviour and your feelings, I would definitely do that and start a more specific thread in relationships, not an alarm clock AIBU. Hopefully this thread and the replies though will give you the impetus to do that, and you'll get the support you need to address your relationship properly.

ILoveeCakes · 02/01/2023 18:25

Tell him that if he sets the alarm for a time then he gets the f up at that time. Maybe start your day at the same time - power through a load of jobs then chill later

bellac11 · 02/01/2023 18:27

God I could have written this, and he is in a separate room so I dont get woken up, but I do get woken up because he too sleeps through it. So he has had to buy 2 vibrating wrist alarms but as he doesnt 'trust' them I still hear the bloody alarm from time to time. Awful

Couldyounot · 02/01/2023 18:28

All that would be "cause of death" in this house, OP, and I am only just about joking

Emmamoo89 · 02/01/2023 18:29

He needs to be in a separate room

CoconutQueen · 02/01/2023 18:30

Yes I agree you need separate rooms.

However, separate rooms are almost always the beginning of the end of a relationship. It's a pretty downward spiral in terms of any kind of fulfilling adult relationship and you will probably become flatmates.

UsingChangeofName · 02/01/2023 18:37

I’ll never understand people that say they can’t wake up on a morning but set multiple alarms resulting in an hour or two of disturbed sleep rather than a solid, restful period of sleep. Why, if you’re tired would you disturb your deep sleep time on purpose rather than getting as much time in the deplete stages of sleep as you can?

this.
You have FAR more patience than me, putting up with this for 3 years.
How did he manage before this ?
I would have sorted this our 3 years ago.
It is so incredibly selfish to disturb you partner for an hour to 90 mins.
If the cows don't need him until 6am, then why not set the alarm once at 5.40, and, if need be, you physically push him out of bed then, when the alarm goes off, rather than both of you having disturbed sleep for 90mins ?

autumnboys · 02/01/2023 18:42

He is relying on the alarm to wake you so you wake him. Absolutely unacceptable behaviour from an adult.