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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner’s alarm clock - AIBU?

109 replies

Toto531 · 02/01/2023 07:10

Just wanted to get your thoughts on something that’s been driving me insane for nearly 3 years now…
My partner gets up early for work, could be anytime between 4am and 6am…my problem is his alarm clock… He sets it on the highest possible volume to go off every 5 minutes and this can sometimes go on for an hour each morning, sometimes longer. Every time it goes off, it doesn’t wake him so I have to shake him to switch it off (the alarm is on his phone fyi). During this hour to hour and a half, I cannot fall back to sleep. I am a very light sleeper and it takes me a while to fall asleep as it is. To make things worse, we have a newborn in with us and so I am getting even less sleep as the moment. I’ve brought up the subject of changing his alarm many times. I’ve just asked if it could not be as loud and and also go off less times. He refuses point blank to change this. I do feel upset as I feel that he is being slightly selfish and he could compromise…lord knows the sacrifices I have made for him. He says he has to have it this loud and that many times as he doesn’t wake up. He doesn’t wake up whatever the situation, I have to wake him every time and ask him to switch it off. It sounds silly but it’s got to the point where it’s driving me crazy and I get so angry about his lack of empathy towards me. And then I can’t go back to sleep as I’m so wound up by it all. He’s told me that I’m just looking for an argument. All I want is a bit of uninterrupted sleep and for him to compromise. I appreciate he has an early start but at the moment I’m up at all hours with the baby and could just do with a bit of understanding and sympathy to keep me sane.
maybe I’m being unreasonable? Thoughts would be appreciated or any advice on how to deal with the situation?

OP posts:
Y7drama · 02/01/2023 19:40

autumnboys · 02/01/2023 18:42

He is relying on the alarm to wake you so you wake him. Absolutely unacceptable behaviour from an adult.

This. I would definitely sleep in separate rooms. He’s selfish.

Itloggedmeoutagain · 02/01/2023 19:46

Separate room
Let him sleep in and deal with the consequences
He's not a child

MadMadMadamMim · 02/01/2023 19:47

I have never met a dairy farmer (I'm assuming with the 4am alarm and the cows) who couldn't get the fuck up for milking.

That's just bizarre. All farmers are used to early rising - they don't sleep in for an extra hour and a half and need repeated shaking by their partners.

lhlee62 · 02/01/2023 20:19

I totally understand the issue- I used to work shifts with the night shift finishing at 7am, so I'd be getting into bed around 7.25. My partner's alarm would go off at 7.30, he would then snooze several times 3-5 times, so I'd be just nodding off when his alarm would go off again and again. When I was working days I would set my clothes ready and when my alarm went off at 5.30am I would get up straight away, get dressed and leave the bedroom to try and not disturb him too much.

I would definitely look at separate rooms or a vibrating alarm watch.

1HappyTraveller · 02/01/2023 20:39

He’s being a selfish A-hole.

Separate rooms.

YANBU

HoHoHowMuch · 02/01/2023 20:53

I am a serial snoozer, so know what it is like to need lots of yelling at by the alarm to get up. It's still my responsibility though, I don't expect someone else to be woken to prod me every 5 minutes and lose sleep themselves! Separate rooms and he gets himself up without your input seems like the answer if you have the space.

Lcb123 · 02/01/2023 21:07

Separate rooms. Most couples I know who have a newborn do this

Augend23 · 02/01/2023 21:11

What time does he go to bed?

If it's after about 9 it's not a surprise he can't wake up - he's just not getting enough sleep. I do agree re separate rooms but I actually think an earlier bedtime would be my first port of call.

Herejustforthisone · 02/01/2023 21:13

Lcb123 · 02/01/2023 21:07

Separate rooms. Most couples I know who have a newborn do this

Better yet, separate house. There’s no way this level of selfishness doesn’t extend into every aspect of their home life.

gettingolderandgrumpier · 02/01/2023 21:14

He’s a selfish twat !
my dh gets up early 5am sets 2 alarms 10 minutes apart , often I don’t hear them or him getting up & going to work . Sometimes and only sometimes I do hear the alarm and I go ape at him not getting up on 2nd alarm I actually give him a kick .
you put this up for 3 years !! I’d have kicked him somewhere it physically wouldn’t be possible to get me or anyone pregnant every again he’d soon get the massage. Seriously why do people put up with these Man child’s ? . Would you leave an alarm ringing at 4 am so that it wakes your pregnant other half up and not feel a tiny bit bad ? Of course not so fucking tell him that .

Worcestershirem0mmy · 02/01/2023 21:32

my husband used to have a routine similar to this and I told him it was interrupting me and the kids (his alarm was so loud and often it would wake our toddlers up in other bedrooms) so he stopped doing it. He now has a much quieter alarm and he never snoozes it. Why would he refuse to sort out something which is clearly inconveniencing you so much?

Whatwhatwhatnow · 02/01/2023 21:55

This would drive me insane. Before we had DC husband would press snooze for, like, an hour. To be fair, I also used to be bad at this. But now he limits it because I've asked him to.

Suggestions are -

  1. separate rooms
  2. get an alarm for deaf people that vibrates instead.
  3. you wear a face mask to sleep, and buy one of those lights which turns on to simulate dawn. Would the light help him ease in to the morning?
  4. go to bed earlier. Tbh, I used to sleep through alarms and struggle to get up, but really I was just going to bed too late.
Nanny0gg · 02/01/2023 22:36

SavoirFlair · 02/01/2023 07:11

He needs to sleep in a different room.

House.

He's a selfish git

sue20 · 03/01/2023 01:03

SavoirFlair · 02/01/2023 07:11

He needs to sleep in a different room.

This especially with a baby. My ex moved into a separate room with single bed without being asked when by DD arrived!!

Palmface · 03/01/2023 01:13

ClaireVictorias · 02/01/2023 07:22

Wow what a complete arsehole. This is totally unreasonable. Tell him to set it once, you hear it if he doesn’t.. wake him and he gets up.. preferably right before he needs to not hours before. If he can’t, he can sleep on the sofa! I would not compromise on this. Sleep is so important especially when you’re up with a baby. I am terrible without enough sleep and he’s being a selfish twat.

Exactly this.

Schnooze · 03/01/2023 01:21

If he won’t change then wake him up deliberately every single time the baby gets you up. And then keep him awake until the baby sleeps. Tit for tat!

Actually that’s too silly. I’d seriously consider leaving him though. There is no respect for you there.

TheTeenageYears · 03/01/2023 01:33

A vibrating watch alarm is surprisingly effective. I was sick of DH's alarm waking me so bought him a cheap one from Amazon which does the job perfectly. My only issue in the last year is if he's been away on business and left it on the bedside table it makes a racket moving around if it's still set.

Alex462 · 03/01/2023 16:04

Keep some legos by the bed and put them in his side when his alarm goes off

PrincessNakatomi · 03/01/2023 16:29

It would be madness not to send him to the spare room if you have one.

OffTheWall90 · 03/01/2023 18:44

Phone on vibrate?

RandomMess · 03/01/2023 18:46

How have you not throttled him to death!!?

Andsoforth · 03/01/2023 18:49

He hasn’t met the basic requirements for bed sharing.

EL8888 · 03/01/2023 18:51

Separate rooms or properties. This sounds incredibly annoying. I had a job where l had to start super early, l would turn alarm off at first ring and then creep out the bedroom commando style so it can be done

Brefugee · 03/01/2023 18:52

I can never get back to sleep and this would drive me insane. Frankly? i'd chuck the phone out of the window.

Practically? one of you needs to sleep in another room. And you shouldn't be responsible for waking him up.

Lordofthebutterfloofs · 03/01/2023 18:53

Goodness OP your patient. I would have stabbed him in the neck by now.