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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry that my family banned me from Christmas for having covid

768 replies

tantrumingcoldchild · 02/01/2023 02:42

I flew 4000 miles to see my parents for Christmas. I unfortunately have to live in a different country from them.

I am asymptomatic but had to test due to being exposed to someone with COVID.

My parent was supposed to pick me up from the airport but decided not to after the positive test.

I see my parent once a year at most. They don't travel to see me. My parent and the rest of their family went ahead with the celebration but I was uninvited.

Fortunately, my other parent picked me up and let me stay with them (my parents are divorced)

They have agreed to meet me in a park tomorrow for an hour, which will be the extent of my time with them for the next year.

AIBU to consider this relationship basically over?

OP posts:
ToWhitToWhoo · 02/01/2023 11:01

ichundich · 02/01/2023 10:39

Not being "mummy martyrs", just behaving like normal parents who would put their child before anything else, including themselves.

Show quote history

It wasn't a case of just meeting their child, but of having them at a Christmas event with other relations. Perhaps they could have cancelled the party to see their child on her own (with masks and ventilation); but that might have been unfair to their other children/ family.

It's bad luck for the OP, but travelling at this time of year does carry these risks, especially this year with both flu AND covid about. I think it's often better where possible to arrange meetings and events with long-distance family for spring or summer, rather than assuming that Christmas is the only possible time.

I do think that it was rude and inconsiderate of the parent not to reply to the OP's message for three days or more, but that is a separate issue.

coconutpie · 02/01/2023 11:01

YABU. After everything the global population has been through in the last 3 years, you are throwing a tantrum that family don't want to see you when you have just tested positive for COVID? It hasn't gone away. People are still ending up in hospital seriously ill with it. Yet you think that just because you travelled and spent money travelling that your time and finances are a much higher priority than your parent's and extended family's health. They should just suck it up and welcome you into their home knowing that they could all get sick as a result? You really need to adjust your selfish attitude OP. I get that you are disappointed as it is awful to travel that far and to test positive. But these things happen. You should not be punishing your family for putting their health and well-being first. However, I'd say there is a back story here given that you said they haven't shown much interest in your life.

Solonge · 02/01/2023 11:07

tantrumingcoldchild · 02/01/2023 02:59

@CharlotteRose90 I was perfectly healthy when I left. I probably picked it up from family in the other city.

Did you test before you flew? You know that older people can still be very I’ll with Covid after vaccination? Why on earth would you expect your family to just ignore that you have Covid? Are you vaccinated? You didn’t pick it up on the plane….it takes longer to show up on a test….nice….you have infected people flying. Most people would test themselves before flying….

startfresh · 02/01/2023 11:08

Mummieslncorporated · 02/01/2023 06:47

So according to you, op

You arrived in the country COVID-free, then went to visit family who gave you COVID.

You didn't fly with COVID.

But your parent refused to pick you up from the AIRPORT, because you had COVID.

Am I missing something here?

Thank you!! I was looking through for this, before posting myself.

@tantrumingcoldchild make it make sense, please??

Simplelobsterhat · 02/01/2023 11:09

Thinking about it, if you'd tested positive before Christmas day, wouldn't you have been ok to see them before now? I do think they are being unreasonable if they've made you wait longer than standard isolating advice and even then are still insisting on outside for 1 hour only, although having said that when we had it my DH was still testing positive after 11 days so I guess if they are being cautious that might be their thinking. It does seem like they aren't compromising for you at all, but the relationship obviously isn't close so perhaps you need to focus more on appreciating time with your other parent.

U1sce · 02/01/2023 11:14

My young fit and healthy friend now has lupus and a clot on his lung as a result of catching covid just before Christmas. So YABVU to expect people to meet up with you when you have it.

aSofaNearYou · 02/01/2023 11:15

I think YABU. In your shoes I would expect them to be very apologetic about your wasted journey but I don't think them not wanting to see you is evidence that they don't care about you, you're projecting that because YOU aren't scared of catching it, but many are.

StClare101 · 02/01/2023 11:15

We had someone with covid attend part of Christmas Day. They wore a mask and came in to watch the presents being unwrapped (kept their distance), then left and came back for a plate of food which we wrapped up for them along with lots of treats to take home. It was our idea to do it this way. They were going to stay away.

Eight days later and no one has caught it.

Plumbear2 · 02/01/2023 11:18

StClare101 · 02/01/2023 11:15

We had someone with covid attend part of Christmas Day. They wore a mask and came in to watch the presents being unwrapped (kept their distance), then left and came back for a plate of food which we wrapped up for them along with lots of treats to take home. It was our idea to do it this way. They were going to stay away.

Eight days later and no one has caught it.

There's time, I caught it 10days after my Ds

Sundayvibes · 02/01/2023 11:19

Don’t get me started on Covid hysteria.
You did nothing wrong OP.
we have vaccines now which enable people to get back to normal.

JMKid · 02/01/2023 11:22

People on here need to get a bloody grip!!!! I think your parent was mean and in the wrong. Life has to carry on as normal.

Plumbear2 · 02/01/2023 11:23

Sundayvibes · 02/01/2023 11:19

Don’t get me started on Covid hysteria.
You did nothing wrong OP.
we have vaccines now which enable people to get back to normal.

It's not COVID hysteria. The person I know who is on a ventilator had all his COVID jabs and was not considered vulnerable. It hasn't just gone away

StClare101 · 02/01/2023 11:24

Plumbear2 · 02/01/2023 11:18

There's time, I caught it 10days after my Ds

Show quote history

Maybe, but if so it could also be from the two plane rides there and back, the Boxing Day party with friends etc. At least the known exposure wore a mask and kept their distance. Much more likely to get it from someone else given it’s everywhere here.

toocold54 · 02/01/2023 11:26

YABU

I didn’t see my niece on her birthday as I had a cold - it wasn’t even covid but no way am I going to spread that around to the people I love.

I do see my niece more often as I only live about hour away.
But I do that so I can see her more often, tbh I’d love to live abroad but I’m waiting until they are older as I’d miss them so much.

You choose to live so far away and it’s bound to make it way more difficult seeing them.
What if you became pregnant and couldn’t fly, the pilots were on strike, you need an operation and couldn’t travel etc?
There are going to be times when you can’t see them.

I think it’s also odd that the parent you say you prefer had you stay with them - yet you weren’t planning to stay with them originally.
Why would you not choose to spend Christmas with them in the first place?

I get why you’re upset that you couldn’t spend time with your family members but it’s an unfortunate consequence of having family in another country.

poefaced · 02/01/2023 11:27

DarthVadersShinyLightSabre · 02/01/2023 10:56

There are currently 175 covid patients on ventilators out of a population of 67,000,000.
Whilst an awful scenario for those particular families, hardly a reason to panic.

Show quote history

You have to wonder why they are so invested in wanting to scaremonger.

The Covigilantes are itching for numbers to rise.

MintyFreshOne · 02/01/2023 11:27

After everything the global population has been through in the last 3 years, you are throwing a tantrum that family don't want to see you when you have just tested positive for COVID? It hasn't gone away

Well … it’s never going to go away.

Are you going to live like it’s 2020 forever?

Forthelast · 02/01/2023 11:28

I think it's reasonable that they can't associate with you while you're recovering from Covid. I wouldn't expect anyone to get sick as a result of meeting me no matter how far I'd travelled. My family member spent Christmas day alone in isolation (voluntary) because they wouldn't dream of putting anyone at risk of an illness that can be very serious (including long Covid). They also altered their travel plans to protect any potentially vulnerable passengers. I understand it's rubbish for you but you're being very self absorbed. Sometimes life sucks and there's no one to blame.

HealthTestsAnxiety · 02/01/2023 11:30

tantrumingcoldchild · 02/01/2023 02:57

@Stompythedinosaur I did not ask them to see me anyway. But they certainly showed that they don't care about me and I can't count on them.

They left me in a really bad spot with the airport etc (I was supposed to stay with them, the airport is several hundred miles away).

I certainly won't bother traveling to see them again.

You certainly showed that you don't care about them

Plumbear2 · 02/01/2023 11:30

poefaced · 02/01/2023 11:27

You have to wonder why they are so invested in wanting to scaremonger.

The Covigilantes are itching for numbers to rise.

Show quote history

Quite the opposite. I described what is happened g to people in my life who have COVID, it's pretty scary. No off course I don't want numbers to rise, I also don't want to catch COVID

anotheruser173 · 02/01/2023 11:30

You seem convinced you picked up Covid whilst travelling to see them - did you self-isolate before travelling and mask up for the whole journey?

I take as many precautions as possible before travelling, given if I like someone enough to bother travelling to see them, I don't want to give them Covid. In your shoes, I'd have been bitterly disappointed too, but I'd have been angry at the situation, not my family.

tasamoon · 02/01/2023 11:30

It sounds like there were already problems in the relationship. So it's not just this one incident, but many years of hurt and resentment that you are expressing.

Forthelast · 02/01/2023 11:31

If you're in Britain, it's not a good time to increase the likelihood that elderly family members will need any kind of health care. There isn't any left. Whatever level of intervention might be needed, you're fairly likely to have to go without. Around 500 a week dying unnecessarily at the minute.

mummyh2016 · 02/01/2023 11:32

OP I was sat next to a parent at my DD school play 3 weeks ago who mentioned she had been really poorly with a cold/flu. I came down with it 2 days later. I was bed bound for 3 days, I had to miss days and nights out that had been prebooked which cost me in the region of £200. The worst thing is my Nan was in hospital at the time on end of life care; I never got to visit again before she passed away to say goodbye because I was still poorly. I still have a bad chest now. This parent wouldn't have considered what consequences her actions would have led to. She could've stood at the back with a mask on but no.
Whilst I get how much it has cost you in terms of time and money I wouldn't have wanted to have spent xmas with someone with covid either. Just because you're symptomatic doesn't mean they wouldn't be.

mummyh2016 · 02/01/2023 11:33

*asymptomatic

JustAnotherManicNameChange · 02/01/2023 11:34

I do think that it was rude and inconsiderate of the parent not to reply to the OP's message for three days or more, but that is a separate issue.

It actually isn't. I bet OP wouldn't have been so upset of more effort was made , even if she had to miss out on the Christmas gathering.