To be angry that my family banned me from Christmas for having covid

[tantrumingcoldchild]

I flew 4000 miles to see my parents for Christmas. I unfortunately have to live in a different country from them.

I am asymptomatic but had to test due to being exposed to someone with COVID.

My parent was supposed to pick me up from the airport but decided not to after the positive test.

I see my parent once a year at most. They don't travel to see me. My parent and the rest of their family went ahead with the celebration but I was uninvited.

Fortunately, my other parent picked me up and let me stay with them (my parents are divorced)

They have agreed to meet me in a park tomorrow for an hour, which will be the extent of my time with them for the next year.

AIBU to consider this relationship basically over?

It's interesting the collection of mummy martyrs who would be falling over themselves to lick their infected adult kids faces because it's Christmas. FFS get some self value.

OP has a contagious disease and should be isolating, not expecting her elderly parents (and whoever else in the house, think siblings and general family were mentioned) to just bend over because they moved 4000 miles away and don't see them very often.

I hope this post is meant to be ironic! If not, you need a reality check. It's not spring 2020 anymore.

Crazy! They could come across a symptomatic people every single day. If they were really worried they could have had you wear a mask and keep your distance for a few days. Can’t imagine doing this with my child or my parents with me. YANBU

I would never ban anyone from an event if they had covid. If other guests chose not to attend because of it that’s their choice. We have to learn to live with covid and stop dancing round it.

Nah it wouldn’t be ‘martyring’ I’d be weighing up the risks versus benefits and the benefit to me of seeing my overseas child would be huge! So no, no martyring- just choosing happiness!

100%

Poor OP, nasty behaviour from your parents.

Not being "mummy martyrs", just behaving like normal parents who would put their child before anything else, including themselves.

I agree with this.

I replied that I would make alternative arrangements and then I heard nothing more from them for three days.

That they didn’t bother to contact you for three days, to check on you or express sadness at the timing of Covid, is unbelievably shit and not normal behaviour for a loving parent. You know now that they’re not worth your effort.

How long have you had it? If you travelled so far presumably you are visiting for longer than a few days so have time to see them. Tbh I would not knowingly want someone with covid staying even though younger than your parents and fully vaccinated.

Grow up!

Same here.

YABU. Even people in their 60s are considered somewhat vulnerable. And this was not just a meeting where you could sit at a distance in the open air or with open windows; it was a Christmas party where it's likely to be crowded and there would be other guests, who might also not wish to be exposed- and some may be really vulnerable or living with others who are.

If your parents are OK financially, perhaps they could have offered to reimburse you for some of the costs. But considering this to be 'the end of the relationship' is very unreasonable. Perhaps the relationship is bad in general; but you should not focus it all on this one incident.

I think YANBU.

While I can somewhat understand the reluctance to have you there with Covid, they could've done more. Regular text to check on you, ask if you need anything , facetime you on Christmas and other days, meet you outside for a bit. I bet some kinds of effort would've taken the sting out a bit , instead of just confirming the back story.

Tbh, if I only saw my child and grandchild once a year there's no way I wouldn't spend time with them that one time.

I'm sorry.
I would've made every effort to see my child, especially over Xmas, especially after them making such a journey. Even if it meant open air porch chats/isolating in your room and having food deliveries brought to your door and chats through the door.
It isn't just them not seeing you, it's the lack of concern about your travel/sleeping arrangements once they said you couldn't stay with them. It's about their lack of concern about how you were feeling due to the Covid in the following days.
You deserved better than that and I'm sorry

Can you not delay your return perhaps and spend some time with them once you get a negative test result? I don't understand why you're blaming them for you catching covid and them taking sensible precautions. It's still a nasty virus and will mutate more the more it gets spread around.

They're older and therefore already more vulnerable, why would you want to give it to them? You're basically saying they can spend time with you but buckle up for being ill afterwards and just hope for the best that they don't end up feeling like crap for too long. I'm in my thirties, fully vaccinated and it knocked me for six for ages.

I don’t understand why you tested? You say you were asymptomatic, so why test? I assume because a family member got it and you had seen them. Even so why did you test? I assume to do the right thing and if positive tell people who then had a choice whether to see you or not??? One parent chose not to see you.

covid is incredibly decisive and whilst it is now endemic it doesn’t make it less dangerous to many many people. Luck you it’s asymptomatic, but can you imagine giving it to family who then get very sick???

yes you’ve spent money coming over, but sadly in these times it will always be a risk. Did you never talk about these scenarios with your parents??

sadly I do think you are selfish and clouded by the money you have spent.

The BMJ published an article in the last few weeks stating that it is inevitable that every single one of us will get covid at least once, if not several times now throughout our lifetime. Unless your parents are exceptionally vulnerable I think their response to your visit was petty and a complete overreaction.

Virtually ever country has quietly dropped the need for proof of vaccination for entry and the only reason we are seeing restrictions on entries from China is purely political because the government wants to be seen to be ‘doing something’ That surely sends a subtle message that covid is nowhere near the threat it was first perceived to be, so people really need to move on and stop this unhealthy fixation with avoiding a virus that is now endemic in the worldwide population.

What about your other parent? The one who did pick you up and let you stay with them, will you see them again?

For those concerned about asymptomatic transmission:

www.thelancet.com/journals/lanres/article/PIIS2213-2600(22)00226-0/fulltext

“Less than a quarter of COVID-19 cases shed infectious virus before symptom onset;“
Much lower percentage than we were originally told.

People are still getting very ill from COVID, still on ventilates, still dying. The year makes no difference

There are currently 175 covid patients on ventilators out of a population of 67,000,000.
Whilst an awful scenario for those particular families, hardly a reason to panic.

So would I

I understand why you are hugely disappointed and upset OP.

@Plumbear2 are they on ventilators? They aren’t in my hospital. Lots of people with covid but in hospital for something unrelated. The voices issue this year is flu - people are really ill with that.

i can’t understand why op tested. That puts people in a tricky position. I wouldn’t knowingly socialise with someone with norovirus. That said, covid isolating advice is 5 days.