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Original poster

Would you find this odd to say to a 6yo?

157 replies

Goldsnow · 02/01/2023 02:36

A 6 year old female child in her house with her family (twin brother, mum and dad). The daughter is playing wearing her pants (joggers) with no vest or top on. The father then tells her to put a top on as she should not be running around like that. The house was warm so it wasn't that. It was because she is female that is the reason he was telling her she shouldn't do that and to put a top or vest on.

Would you find this strange for a man/father to say to a 6 year old or not? I would have thought a little child of that age is fine in her own home without wearing a top and I wouldn't have given it a second thought. But maybe that is just me.

OP posts:
caramellandscape · 04/01/2023 06:12

I'm also not trying to be funny when I say this: realistically even if there are paedos out leering at little girls' chests, there are plenty of gay paedophiles out there too!

SLS500 · 04/01/2023 06:43

I think you're reading too much into it.

He's her father and protective and rightly or wrongly wants to teach her not to do it when at a friends house when other people he doesn't know could be around.

Misguided perhaps but I'm sure was coming from being a protective father.

I don't know why you didn't just have a conversation with him at the time to understand his reasoning

NEmama · 04/01/2023 06:58

A 6 year old should be able to run around in their pants at the beach, at home, anywhere.
Madness.

TattieBogle12 · 04/01/2023 07:01

Goldsnow · 02/01/2023 16:45

It was because she is a girl. His exact words '(name) put a top on, you shouldn't running around like that, youre a girl' (in a strict tone of voice). She was playing and got hot so took off her top and carried on playing. It was evening so would have been getting changed into pj's shortly after and did not have any guests nor expecting any.

It’s not a fact his mind went there though. The OP has presumed it is because she’s a girl and then assumed it has to do with sexual reasons. The OPs mind has definitely gone there, and she’s projecting it on this thread

Because it was. What else could it have been?

Lol what a load of bollocks

Jimboscott0115 · 04/01/2023 10:11

OP, you've asked for opinions, you've been given them. You may not like or agree with them but you are arguing for the sake of it now.

The fact is, this situation can easily be resolved or come to a conclusion if you actually have a grown up, adult conversation with your partner about how it concerned you and why it did. There's a very good chance he won't have seen it like that and it was a subconscious bias, but either way - be an adult and discuss it.

PorkPieandPickle · 04/01/2023 10:16

its her home. She can go topless if she wants. As can you, surely?
when she starts to feel uncomfortable with being topless she will put a top on.
i wouldn’t want to teach her to compromise her own level of comfort to conform to the opinions of others.

10HailMarys · 04/01/2023 10:17

I think it's perfectly OK for a six year old to play at home without a t-shirt on but I also don't think it's 'weird' as such that her father (I assume it was her dad?!) told her to put a top on. Presumably if they were swimming or whatever, your son would be in shorts and no top and your daughter would be in a swimsuit that covered her top half, so if you apply the double standard outside the home I can see why he'd expect the same double standard instead.

lovelilies · 04/01/2023 10:21

My DD is 6 and I'm absolutely in the OP's camp.
She insists on wearing a bikini top despite obviously having no boobs.
A girls chest is the same as a boys imo at that age and should be treated as such

SwingandaPrayer · 04/01/2023 10:23

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 02/01/2023 15:27

God this thread is depressing. She's a 6 year old in her own house with her parents and twin brother, not a 24 year old running around top less in a bar ffs. The fact that her dad saw her without a top on and automatically went straight to thinking sexually is just grim on his part

Absolutely this. Putting pressure on a 6 year old girl in her own home to cover up is just riduculous. How sad when a father feels uncomfortable around his own daughter when she's not wearing a top at 6.

Martialisthebestpup · 04/01/2023 10:30

Neither of you are wrong OP. It’s just a difference of opinion.

AnyRandomName · 04/01/2023 10:32

I wouldn't expect a male or female child to be running around topless randomly in the day / evening and running around the house.

I've always been a clothes on downstairs kind of person, naked upstairs somehow is totally fine.

So yes, I would say 'go and put a top on'. But I wouldn't be aggressive about it, and I don't mind nudity. I wonder if they were being boisterous and a bit silly, and the 'go put a top on' was as much about breaking the cycle of boisterousness as the actual top.

pelargoniums · 04/01/2023 13:32

10HailMarys · 04/01/2023 10:17

I think it's perfectly OK for a six year old to play at home without a t-shirt on but I also don't think it's 'weird' as such that her father (I assume it was her dad?!) told her to put a top on. Presumably if they were swimming or whatever, your son would be in shorts and no top and your daughter would be in a swimsuit that covered her top half, so if you apply the double standard outside the home I can see why he'd expect the same double standard instead.

At 6? I think I was still plonking around the beach in knickers only. Now, though, I’d put kids of both sexes in long-sleeved rash vests so no double standard there. I also don’t think that OP should have to drag societal double standards inside her own home – which is hopefully free from paedos lurking behind the sofa.

Icecreamandapplepie · 04/01/2023 14:02

This thread is ridiculous

Hatscats · 04/01/2023 14:23

I think a lot of people on this thread would be very shocked to go to any European beaches where all the women are usually topless, and the kids are naked! #freethenipple

SwingandaPrayer · 04/01/2023 14:42

Hatscats · 04/01/2023 14:23

I think a lot of people on this thread would be very shocked to go to any European beaches where all the women are usually topless, and the kids are naked! #freethenipple

Totally. I live and teach in Spain, in Year 3 and a couple of years ago we had a swimming competition with another school in the local baths. Lots of the girls participated in just their bikini bottoms and no one batted an eyelid. Beaches are full of kids wearing (or not) whatever they feel like wearing and adults too. People are far less body conscious and all shapes and sizes wear whatever they want.

CristinaNov182 · 04/01/2023 14:44

The father was either uncomfortable for himself (…) or bc you who are not family were watching her without the top on. Was there a man with you, your husband or partner there too?

She’s still a child ofc but at that age I wouldn’t let her be without a too not just outside, but inside the house when there are men visiting who are not her immediate family, bc men.. (#notallmen but I don’t know which ones, so I’d be careful even with friends or extended family)

NewyearNewStartnomorejunk · 04/01/2023 17:53

My DD10
Often has no top on.

lovelilies · 06/01/2023 07:57

I don't wear makeup 99% of the time. But I'm fair too so I have my brows shaped and I dye them at home and also lash tint. Makes all the difference!

lovelilies · 06/01/2023 07:57

lovelilies · 06/01/2023 07:57

I don't wear makeup 99% of the time. But I'm fair too so I have my brows shaped and I dye them at home and also lash tint. Makes all the difference!

Sorry wrong thread 😅

MissTikMeg · 06/01/2023 08:47

I'd be more concerned if he told her to take her top off!

KettrickenSmiled · 06/01/2023 09:30

Nightlystroll · 02/01/2023 04:07

I think the father has as much right to say what they think is appropriate as the mother does.

A father doesn't have the right to sexualise his 6 year old daughter's body by shaming her into putting on a top, while he allows his 6 year old son to play topless. In their own home ffs.

KettrickenSmiled · 06/01/2023 09:32

Goldsnow · 02/01/2023 15:19

Mixed responses. Thank you all. I didn't say anything but it has been at the back of my mind so I wanted to hear the opinions of others.

Why didn't you say anything?
He shouted at her & she looked shocked.

why did you let him get away with that? Would he have taken it badly if you challenged him?

Megifer · 06/01/2023 09:43

Yea thats odd, id be asking him to explain exactly why he is uncomfortable with his 6 year old dd having no top on in her own home with her own family.

I'm not suggesting hes dodgy, just suggesting you make him think a bit more about why he said that.

Fwiw tho id have said "don't be daft DH, DD you're fine you don't have to put a top on"

MarshaMelrose · 06/01/2023 10:03

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

SleeplessInEngland · 06/01/2023 10:05

I've always been a clothes on downstairs kind of person, naked upstairs somehow is totally fine.

Well at least you acknowledge it's a totally arbitrary distinction.

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