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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you find this odd to say to a 6yo?

157 replies

Goldsnow · 02/01/2023 02:36

A 6 year old female child in her house with her family (twin brother, mum and dad). The daughter is playing wearing her pants (joggers) with no vest or top on. The father then tells her to put a top on as she should not be running around like that. The house was warm so it wasn't that. It was because she is female that is the reason he was telling her she shouldn't do that and to put a top or vest on.

Would you find this strange for a man/father to say to a 6 year old or not? I would have thought a little child of that age is fine in her own home without wearing a top and I wouldn't have given it a second thought. But maybe that is just me.

OP posts:
Valeriekat · 02/01/2023 18:52

This is the mother! I think you have a husband problem.

SugarplumFairyyy · 02/01/2023 19:03

I totally missed the dynamic that OP is he mother and the dad is her husband. I thought she was a guest in his house and him asking his daughter to put on a top was to do with that.

I had a different visual in my head.

If you are relaxing at home and kids are playing and it's warm, no need for dad to shout at her to put her top on.

SugarplumFairyyy · 02/01/2023 19:11

But yeah I also think it sounds like you have a hubby problem too...

indie123 · 02/01/2023 19:18

I’ve asked a 7 year old relative to put on a top as he was walking around topless. This is because it was cold. He said he didn’t want to and was left as that.

I personally don’t see the problem

DucklingDaisy · 02/01/2023 19:19

OP I'm with you, and this thread has a weird amount of people with sticks up their arses.

Hellyeahbaby · 03/01/2023 14:35

You have a dh problem, i don't see anything wrong with it, my dd7 as soon as gets home strips off and just wanders around in her knickers, it's her home, her safe space and me and her father have no issue with it at all

Icecreamandapplepie · 03/01/2023 14:39

I wouldn't have you back again, how judgey are you?

Parent asks child to put top on with company round.

How awful.

Icecreamandapplepie · 03/01/2023 14:40

We sometimes have to ask our lb to put his pants on and he's 7!

Should we stop?

SugarplumFairyyy · 03/01/2023 15:25

Icecreamandapplepie · 03/01/2023 14:39

I wouldn't have you back again, how judgey are you?

Parent asks child to put top on with company round.

How awful.

I thought she was a guest as well but pther posters pointed out OP is the wife and dad is her hubby. So that also gave me a different dynamic after that.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 04/01/2023 00:38

Icecreamandapplepie · 03/01/2023 14:39

I wouldn't have you back again, how judgey are you?

Parent asks child to put top on with company round.

How awful.

Nothing like what actually happened

'I wouldn't have you back again'. It's the OPs house. Her daughter and husband

Lavender14 · 04/01/2023 01:28

I think it depends. I live in a small cul-de-sac where you can see into each others houses. I don't change my neice and nephew infront of windows without the blinds drawn because anyone could be watching from their house. Perhaps he was worried about that? Different families have different approaches to nudity. I don't think it's inappropriate for her to be running about topless, I equally don't think it's inappropriate for a dad to ask his kid to put a top on either. It's also January and cold? Was he worried about her catching chill.

Original poster
Goldsnow · 04/01/2023 01:37

This thread was pointless as most people are missing the point.

The reason he asked her to put her top on was become she is a GIRL.

IT WAS NOT COLD
NOBODY COULD SEE IN
WE HAD NO VISITORS
IT WAS IN OUR OWN HOME (ME, DH AND 2 DC)

OP posts:
BabyOnBoard90 · 04/01/2023 01:46

Your partner told your daughter to put clothes on? This is your big issue? This is why you made a thread on mumsnet?

People really do look for problems where the are none. You're not only unreasonable, you sound like you need to sort your priorities.

Original poster
Goldsnow · 04/01/2023 01:59

@BabyOnBoard90 Again missing the point 🙄

OP posts:
SproutsLCerVEGNoEgg · 04/01/2023 02:02

OldFan · 02/01/2023 02:55

@Goldsnow Women's top halves are sexualised whereas men's aren't. So girls need to learn it's appropriate to cover that area.

@OldFan

at 6, at home, with her brother and parents???

NOT in my opinion no.

@Goldsnow

id have told him not to be 'so silly' at the time.

Later id be asking him what the fuck he was thinking?

is he British?

Original poster
Goldsnow · 04/01/2023 02:12

@SproutsLCerVEGNoEgg yes he is British.

OP posts:
Murdoch1949 · 04/01/2023 02:24

Totally fine for a 6 yr old, girl or boy, to be running round with no top on, at home, in the house or garden. Fine for them to be doing it with friends in the garden on a hot day too.

MysteryBelle · 04/01/2023 03:00

What are you trying to imply?

There’s nothing wrong with telling daughter to put a top on.

Appropriate behavior and dress etc are very basic concepts taught by parents.

You might want to look at yourself for any weirdness.

MysteryBelle · 04/01/2023 03:05

Goldsnow · 04/01/2023 01:37

This thread was pointless as most people are missing the point.

The reason he asked her to put her top on was become she is a GIRL.

IT WAS NOT COLD
NOBODY COULD SEE IN
WE HAD NO VISITORS
IT WAS IN OUR OWN HOME (ME, DH AND 2 DC)

Wha??!! YOU’RE KIDDING

SO WHAT?

Are you expecting the father to pretend his daughter is a boy.
Are you trying to steer your daughter into thinking she’s something else besides herself?

These threads are so tiresome, making foolish problems where there are none.

You’ve definitely got problems and they have nothing to do with your husband or children but I do feel sorry for them.

MysteryBelle · 04/01/2023 03:06

Op, why don’t you go around topless? After all, it’s just you, poor dh & 2 dc.

Flannan · 04/01/2023 03:20

Without wanting to stir up anymore batshittery, this is how it would go in our (warm, tbf) house:

Me (or DH) - aren't you cold? Why don't you put a top on?
DC - I'm fine
Me - Nothing, I've already lost interest because it's absolutely not even a tiny bit of an issue.

That's it. It doesn't make the slightest difference whether it's DS or DD.

I have to tell myself that some of the comments on threads like this are trolls, I really do.

OP, YANBU.

Cappuccino17 · 04/01/2023 04:16

Yeah i think id do the same as a mum to my daughter. Whether we like it or not for females it's a different ball game. It's teaching them to respect their bodies especially in front of other people. Have to protect our kids in that sense and teach them. At the age of 6 she is getting older and will begin to understand. So i agree with your husband on this one.

Hatscats · 04/01/2023 04:23

Really weird, she’s 6 - no one would comment on a boy with no top on?! There’s no difference physically at 6 between a boy and girl - whey would they need to cover up even in public, beach, pool etc?
weird how we sexualise nipples and breasts in girls from such an early age.

Cappuccino17 · 04/01/2023 04:35

@Hatscats it's called teaching your child to respect thier bodies at an early age.
There is a difference between boys and girls. Maybe not at this age but obviously in the future. So children must learn early on. And it is very different for boys and girls. They are not the same. Plus you get perverts out there and as parents it is our duty to protect our kids.

caramellandscape · 04/01/2023 06:11

Oh I was this little girl, being scolded and told to put a top on in the house ("especially if you're in front of [male family members]"... the implication of which boggles my mind now) while my brothers were always running around comfortably!

Obviously I didn't have the words to describe it, but now I realise it left me with a feeling of hyper self-consciousness: an uncomfortable awareness of danger and perhaps there being something wrong with my body (the feeling of being constantly "stared at" even as a child, even while no one is actually staring).

It carried on into puberty where I was often told to put jackets on when wearing an ordinary sleeveless top or tank top or any item deemed too revealing on hot days.

I know we definitely lived in a different world back then where I would have been blamed for being raped/assaulted etc, so I'm glad they were protecting me, but we live in a different world now! I live in a major city as a young adult now and I feel extreme relief that my boyfriend believes males are responsible for how they behave/where they look.

Of course, safety is paramount. Teach your daughter safety precautions, appropriate behaviour, and to look out for herself... But covering up as a flat chested 6 years old is a bit excessive imo. You can only get more extreme as your daughter matures physically, so what next... Full body shroud??