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AIBU?

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Original poster

Would you find this odd to say to a 6yo?

157 replies

Goldsnow · 02/01/2023 02:36

A 6 year old female child in her house with her family (twin brother, mum and dad). The daughter is playing wearing her pants (joggers) with no vest or top on. The father then tells her to put a top on as she should not be running around like that. The house was warm so it wasn't that. It was because she is female that is the reason he was telling her she shouldn't do that and to put a top or vest on.

Would you find this strange for a man/father to say to a 6 year old or not? I would have thought a little child of that age is fine in her own home without wearing a top and I wouldn't have given it a second thought. But maybe that is just me.

OP posts:
Onnabugeisha · 02/01/2023 16:42

BrownEyedGhoul · 02/01/2023 16:35

ITs idiotic to pretend she has just made it up though. Do englighten is what other possible reasons he could have for being fine with a topless boy but not a topless girl?

Show quote history

Yes Im a real idiot for actually reading what happened vs swallowing while the OPs conjectures and speculations.

Well, if you dig into OPs updates, that’s not exactly what happened. The OP has assumed he is ok with the boy not wearing the top, but not the girl. At the time, the OP can’t remember if the boy was wearing a top or not:

he shouted her name and said you shouldn't be running around like that put a top on. I can't remember if son had one on at the time or not buy he plays without wearing a top sometimes too and nothing has been said to him.

Presumably, nothing had been said before to either child. Could simply be he thinks they should both have tops on now due to age, winter, whatever and it was a 50/50 chance as to which child would be told first to put a top on.

Velda · 02/01/2023 16:44

People who let their kids run around the house partially naked usually come from the type of family where the father (if there is one) also sits around topless. Totally inappropriate and common, regardless of the sex of the child.

Original poster
Goldsnow · 02/01/2023 16:45

It was because she is a girl. His exact words '(name) put a top on, you shouldn't running around like that, youre a girl' (in a strict tone of voice). She was playing and got hot so took off her top and carried on playing. It was evening so would have been getting changed into pj's shortly after and did not have any guests nor expecting any.

It’s not a fact his mind went there though. The OP has presumed it is because she’s a girl and then assumed it has to do with sexual reasons. The OPs mind has definitely gone there, and she’s projecting it on this thread

Because it was. What else could it have been?

OP posts:
PrincessNakatomi · 02/01/2023 16:45

Onnabugeisha · 02/01/2023 16:42

Yes Im a real idiot for actually reading what happened vs swallowing while the OPs conjectures and speculations.

Well, if you dig into OPs updates, that’s not exactly what happened. The OP has assumed he is ok with the boy not wearing the top, but not the girl. At the time, the OP can’t remember if the boy was wearing a top or not:

he shouted her name and said you shouldn't be running around like that put a top on. I can't remember if son had one on at the time or not buy he plays without wearing a top sometimes too and nothing has been said to him.

Presumably, nothing had been said before to either child. Could simply be he thinks they should both have tops on now due to age, winter, whatever and it was a 50/50 chance as to which child would be told first to put a top on.

Show quote history

But you haven’t read it because OP said : [son] he plays without wearing a top sometimes too and nothing has been said to him

Onnabugeisha · 02/01/2023 16:47

Goldsnow · 02/01/2023 16:45

It was because she is a girl. His exact words '(name) put a top on, you shouldn't running around like that, youre a girl' (in a strict tone of voice). She was playing and got hot so took off her top and carried on playing. It was evening so would have been getting changed into pj's shortly after and did not have any guests nor expecting any.

It’s not a fact his mind went there though. The OP has presumed it is because she’s a girl and then assumed it has to do with sexual reasons. The OPs mind has definitely gone there, and she’s projecting it on this thread

Because it was. What else could it have been?

OP,
You are changing your story….you originally said that
he shouted her name and said you shouldn't be running around like that put a top on.

now you are saying that he said
'(name) put a top on, you shouldn't running around like that, youre a girl'

These are completely different alleged statements.

Original poster
Goldsnow · 02/01/2023 16:49

@Onnabugeisha the only deltail I missed out was him saying you're a girl.

OP posts:
Onnabugeisha · 02/01/2023 16:51

PrincessNakatomi · 02/01/2023 16:45

But you haven’t read it because OP said : [son] he plays without wearing a top sometimes too and nothing has been said to him

Show quote history

I did read it. Nothing had been said to either child in the past. Both the girl and boy played with no top on. Then on this day, the girl definitely had no top on and was to told you put one on. The boy may or may not have had a top on, OP can’t remember but wasn’t running around where the DH saw him at any rate. The DH saw the girl and said to put a top on.

It’s leap to presume that the only reason he said this was because she was a girl. Could just as likely be because it’s winter. Or they’re both too old to be half naked and she was the first twin to be told because her brother had a top on already or not, but wasn’t where the DH could see him anyway.

Onnabugeisha · 02/01/2023 16:51

Goldsnow · 02/01/2023 16:49

@Onnabugeisha the only deltail I missed out was him saying you're a girl.

Convenient.

BrownEyedGhoul · 02/01/2023 16:53

They aren't too old to be dressed as they like and winter makes no different inside the house, the child was obviously not cold.

We all know why he said it, including you. It just suits you to pretend otherwise

PrincessNakatomi · 02/01/2023 16:53

Onnabugeisha · 02/01/2023 16:51

I did read it. Nothing had been said to either child in the past. Both the girl and boy played with no top on. Then on this day, the girl definitely had no top on and was to told you put one on. The boy may or may not have had a top on, OP can’t remember but wasn’t running around where the DH saw him at any rate. The DH saw the girl and said to put a top on.

It’s leap to presume that the only reason he said this was because she was a girl. Could just as likely be because it’s winter. Or they’re both too old to be half naked and she was the first twin to be told because her brother had a top on already or not, but wasn’t where the DH could see him anyway.

Show quote history

Sigh. OP says her son ‘plays without wearing a top sometimes too and nothing has been said to him’.

Are you denying what’s been written in black and white?

Onnabugeisha · 02/01/2023 16:55

BrownEyedGhoul · 02/01/2023 16:53

They aren't too old to be dressed as they like and winter makes no different inside the house, the child was obviously not cold.

We all know why he said it, including you. It just suits you to pretend otherwise

Well, I think your minds are in the gutter then because I will not assume that it was because she was a girl nor sexualising a 6yr old.

They are too old to be half naked to many parents. It’s not beyond the realm of possibility that the DH doesn’t think any school age kids should he running about the house half naked.

Onnabugeisha · 02/01/2023 16:57

PrincessNakatomi · 02/01/2023 16:53

Sigh. OP says her son ‘plays without wearing a top sometimes too and nothing has been said to him’.

Are you denying what’s been written in black and white?

Show quote history

I’m not, I quoted that. Nothing had been said to her son before OR her daughter. Nothing has been said to BOTH of them until this day. You cannot know that if the boy had no top on, the DH would still have said nothing. 🤷‍♀️

It’s an assumption.

gogohmm · 02/01/2023 16:57

Whilst there's nothing wrong with it fundamentally, I would expect children of both sexes to keep their clothes on unless getting dressed/ready for bed. This isn't mid summer either, even if they get hot playing they will cool down quickly and get cold. That said I've never had my heating high enough for my children to contemplate removing clothes for heat reasons

gogohmm · 02/01/2023 17:01

Certainly overreacting though

Greenfairydust · 02/01/2023 17:04

''OldFan · Today 02:55
@Goldsnow Women's top halves are sexualised whereas men's aren't. So girls need to learn it's appropriate to cover that area.''

@GeorgiaGirl52
''And he is teaching her modesty.''

I am sorry but have just suddenly turned into Gilead?

She is six years old for goodness sake...

You are the one sexualising her by suggesting a child can't play around with no top on in the safety of her own home, which is ridiculous.

And yes OP I can see why you would be annoyed that your little girl was shouted out simply because of her gender.

She has more enough time to become self-conscious about her body and worry about the male gaze...

onmywayamarillo · 02/01/2023 17:09

Says a lot more about him and his values than anything else!
Kids should feel free at home to be comfortable without being made uncomfortable by adults 😬

I'd say he has issues

ichundich · 02/01/2023 17:10

I'd say this to my son or husband also.

postcardpuffin · 02/01/2023 17:15

OldFan · 02/01/2023 02:55

@Goldsnow Women's top halves are sexualised whereas men's aren't. So girls need to learn it's appropriate to cover that area.

FFS yeah let’s lean in to our own objectification, why not? 😤 What could go wrong?

A 6 y o does not have breasts and shouldn’t be sexualised FFS.

Onnabugeisha · 02/01/2023 17:16

ichundich · 02/01/2023 17:10

I'd say this to my son or husband also.

Me too. Sex is immaterial really.

Arseulaundress · 02/01/2023 17:24

Aubree17 · 02/01/2023 05:11

He's absolutely right.
Where now it's harmless, it's setting the right standard of behaviour for the future.

For girls.
What a shitty message to impose on a young child.

Prinnny · 02/01/2023 17:26

I agree with the husband, it’s a bit chavvy and weird to have a school aged child running around partially naked in mid winter. Put some clothes on your kids, jeez.

2FelisCatus · 02/01/2023 17:28

It's as much his house and child. I don't see how his opinion is any less valid? For some this would be fine and for others it wouldn't.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 02/01/2023 17:31

So her dad is your DH?

What about your opinion about what she wears? Are you allowed to have one?

Why have you not tackled him on this before?

Fathercrossmas · 02/01/2023 17:38

Everyone wears tops here because the heating is off.

SassySheila · 02/01/2023 17:56

There's nothing like bringing in a great feminist subject to start a bun fight on mumsnet Confused Grin

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