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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh sending 15 years old dc with vodka to new year eve party !

122 replies

Glamourgal1989 · 31/12/2022 19:52

I said no but he went against my wish - she asked and I didn’t want to. He is wrong no??? He gave our 15 years old vodka to take

AIBU ???

OP posts:
Crackstone · 31/12/2022 19:54

They’ll all have it. Smirnoff I’ve got those who aren’t they used to drinking. Straight vodka for those who’ve been partying a while. It’s the teenage drink of choice

Crackstone · 31/12/2022 19:55

Smirnoff ice for those who aren’t that used to drinking

thedevilinablackdress · 31/12/2022 19:57

A couple of Smirnoff Ice, not too bad. A full bottle of vodka, recipe for disaster.

CleoandRalf · 31/12/2022 19:59

Eh, not sure why you think your opinion is more important than his, unless you’re going to drip feed that this isn’t your daughters dad

Mumdiva99 · 31/12/2022 19:59

A few cans of mixed doubles < half a bottle of neat vodka.

I would be pretty horrified if my 15 year old went to a party where there was lots of booze. (I know there will be a day....but he seems so young.) I would rather send a few cans lager or seltzer than neat spirit.

Anotherbloomingchristmas · 31/12/2022 20:01

My ds used to ask me to buy him vodka for parties at about 16.
I bought half a bottle on condition he did not drink any other alcohol and he usually shared it with 2 friends.
My decision was based on knowing what he was drinking and tbf he always brought some back.
Teens will normally get hold of drink tbf.

jays · 31/12/2022 20:01

Absolutely not on, 15 year olds shouldn’t be ‘used of drinking’. My parents had this attitude and I can’t tell you the stuff that happened to me as a result, spirits at 15, especially when not under your roof, that’s unacceptable and utterly irresponsible in my opinion. Don’t listen to that idiot saying straight vodka at 15, that’s a bloody moron. I’m no prude but I would never let my 15 year old out the door with a bottle of vodka. You’re 100% right to be angry.

anotheruser173 · 31/12/2022 20:02

I wouldn't give a bunch of 15-year-olds alcohol either.

However, what irks me the most about your post is that he's gone over you to be the cool parent. You should be showing a united front on things like this. He shouldn't be undermining you.

Aquamarine1029 · 31/12/2022 20:04

I think your husband is an idiot. I would be very concerned for her.

DarkKarmaIlama · 31/12/2022 20:04

I would not be happy. Too young.

Vitriolinsanity · 31/12/2022 20:07

Did you discuss it with your DH before you said no/he said yes. Kids do like to arbitrage their Olds. I certainly did.

As other PP have said, there'll be booze there whether she takes some or not. Time for le talk about drink in moderation.

Or DH will be up at 3 holding her hair back and get the chance to give it to them both Grin

Original poster
Glamourgal1989 · 31/12/2022 20:07

We are both the parents of the dc, no drip feeding. I have told them I didn’t want her to get alcohol - he went to the shop and got her a spirit, I don’t even drink vodka, it’s too strong. Maybe I would have compromised with proseco or a couple of beers to share but vodka ? At 15

OP posts:
MermaidEyes · 31/12/2022 20:12

The average age to start drinking is around 15/16. It doesn't matter whether parents agree with it or not, the kids who aren't allowed to take alcohol to parties are usually the ones getting the most shitfaced because they're busy tasting everyone else's booze. I agree at that age something like alcopops, Smirnoff Ice or fruity ciders are best. Also, everyone is different. I'm good with vodka and lemonade but would be pissed and throwing up after a few glasses of Prosecco.

SchoolQuestionnaire · 31/12/2022 20:12

Absolutely not. My ds 17 has been allowed to drink in moderation since he was 15, but not spirits and not more than a couple each. This was also after consulting with other parents and getting their opinion/permission before giving it the ok (we didn’t say this, we told him we were thinking about it).

I can sort of see where your dh is coming from - I’d rather be aware of where they are and what they are doing. But I think they are very young for spirits, particularly with no measure and potentially no mixers either.

katienana · 31/12/2022 20:13

I'd allow something but not vodka, at that age we just wanted to get drunk really quickly and had low tolerance anyway. Vodka was a one way ticket a stomach being pumped

jays · 31/12/2022 20:14

CleoandRalf · 31/12/2022 19:59

Eh, not sure why you think your opinion is more important than his, unless you’re going to drip feed that this isn’t your daughters dad

Because he was in the wrong!

CleoandRalf · 31/12/2022 20:14

jays · 31/12/2022 20:14

Because he was in the wrong!

Show quote history

in your opinion, many teens that age would be bringing a bottle to a party on New Years.

jays · 31/12/2022 20:16

katienana · 31/12/2022 20:13

I'd allow something but not vodka, at that age we just wanted to get drunk really quickly and had low tolerance anyway. Vodka was a one way ticket a stomach being pumped

This! Crying, vomiting, regretful sexual decisions, fighting, unable to consent, stomach pumped, police involved…. Not being melodramatic but you do not hand a 15 year old child a bottle of vodka and send them off out the door.

Marblessolveeverything · 31/12/2022 20:18

And the mystery of the devastating increase of liver conditions being diagnosed before 25 remains!

No 15 year old will have a healthier realtionship with alcohol by drinking vodka at 15. Not to mention very low inhibitions with hormonal teens what tbe hell could go wrong.

I am raising teens in Europe we don't give 15 year olds spirits we give a small glass of wine or beer I our company.

Rowgtfc72 · 31/12/2022 20:18

Dd is 15 and is staying at her not boyfriends house tonight. She hasn't taken alcohol this time ( took cider for Halloween) but the mum has asked can she have a drink of something to see the new year in and we've said yes.
Joint decision all round though.

DarkKarmaIlama · 31/12/2022 20:21

At 15 I had a few alcopops (Bacardi breeders) and that was enough for a crying marathon and an episode of sick. Dread to think what straight vodka would have done.

JennyForeigner · 31/12/2022 20:22

My parents encouraged my brother and I to try vodka and gin just once at about that age - a shot of each at home, one evening, completely supervised.

It was horrible but that was the point. Imho the only reason to allow that age to try spirits is to ensure they are under no illusions about how quickly and unpleasantly drunk you can get on them. I don't think you are being at all unreasonable.

Vitriolinsanity · 31/12/2022 20:25

@Marblessolveeverything and I think that absolutely is the way to do it. By taking the subversion out of the experience. Let's face it, if your parent say it's ok, and let you, it loses the mystery.

jays · 31/12/2022 20:34

CleoandRalf · 31/12/2022 20:14

in your opinion, many teens that age would be bringing a bottle to a party on New Years.

Show quote history

If they are bringing a bottle of spirits, it’s wrong! My opinion? Eh no, it’s the law! What is actually wrong with you? To try and defend a 15 year old heading out to a party with a bottle of vodka? Sorry to burst your bubble of utter stupidly here, it’s illegal…. and for good reason. Underage sex is also illegal. If I oppose that, is that just my opinion too? Grow up!

tiggergoesbounce · 31/12/2022 20:37

I would probably not have given her a straight spirit to take, but then i suppose if she was going to want to drink it, it would be available to her at the party anyway.

I think you can just hope for the best.
Have you spoken to her about alcohol previously