Starting to really resent my dog

[StopBloodyBarking]

4 years ago (before anyone had heard of Covid so not a lockdown puppy) I bought a puppy. It was a breed I’d always wanted and she was perfect. I did everything by the book, training classes, socialisation classes etc - she excelled in all her classes and she really was perfect.

Then she hit 6 months old and changed. She became dog reactive - no idea why as I’d socialised her so much (in hindsight, too much). I worked on that but she became dog aggressive - then people aggressive. She hates men and kids. This means I can’t have my grandchildren over as it’s just not safe. Infact we can’t have anyone over, nobody visits anymore. All walks with her are stressful so we stick to the same route everytime and I try and walk her at times when the kids are at school so we’re less likely to see any. We can’t go anywhere as we’re so restricted with where she can go. I got a dog so I could take it to the beach, to the woods, to the park etc etc … I can’t take her anywhere. I’ve just braved a quiet beach with her and she screamed the place down before lunging and barking at anyone we came across, it was so embarrassing and after 10 minutes I gave up and came home.

I feel like a prisoner with her, every day is stressful and exhausting. I’m at the point now where i no longer want to walk her. But she’s so full of energy she needs it. I can’t rehome her as she’s aggressive. I’m stuck. I’ve had two behaviourists and 4 trainers. No difference. I’ve been told it’s all about “managing” her behaviour.

Sounds awful but I’ve started to fantasise about the time she’s no longer here :-( and I feel so guilty saying that as she adores me and I love her but I can’t do this for another 10 or so years. I’m really resenting how much time I’m missing out on with my grandkids because of her. All the places we can’t go, the days she’s ruined …. Just needed a rant really. So fed up.

The constant barking is driving me insane. She’s constantly “on guard”. I’m so tired of it.

Unpopular opinion here but speak to a rehoming centre and see what they advise. They may say they will take her a few months down the line or may run behaviour management classes that can help you. Either way, how you're currently living isn't sustainable so it's re-home or throw everything at her.

What breed is she?

two behaviourists and 4 trainers

What does the vet say? Can they give you anything for her anxiety?

If there is no breed rescue that will rehabilitate and rehome, then you have an uncomfortable choice ahead. You can’t live like this, as you say.

First thought is that you need to get help from a good dog trainer. Someone who you know is behaviourally sound and not using outdated dominance rubbish.

You say “we” can’t have anyone over but you post as if you’re living and coping with the dog alone - are you?

Sorry Op, my screen is playing up. I see you've already tried to get help. In that case I would contact a breed rehoming group.

Which breed is she? I'd look for a breed specific rescue. It's not worth being miserable over.

Apparently you can get a Prozac-equivalent for your dog which may help? I’d take her to the vet to see what they suggest.

Nobody could blame you for feeling this way, it sounds awful. It also sounds like you have really tried to address the problems.

As you have found out, there are some things that just cannot be 'trained' out of them. This is her and she sounds extremely on edge and is reactive to most things.

I think what you've been told is correct, at this stage it is about accepting/living with. her behaviour and trying as best you can to manage the triggers.

Have you tried walking her in a private dog walking field? You can hire on and have it to yourself so she can have a good blast and get her energy out without meeting any other people or dogs.

Can you put her away in a quiet room when you have visitors/your grand children?

Have you spoken to the breeder or anybody else that had one of the litter to see if they have experienced any of the same issues?

Finally, what breed is she?

I’ve been told it’s all about “managing” her behaviour

Well yes, and what happens when you apply the recommendations consistently?

Rescue can’t take her as she’s aggressive and can’t be safely rehomed, she’s end up in kennels for months and then put to sleep :-(

I love pets and have frequently given much more of myself than I have to spare. But ultimately they need to be happy. I need to be happy. Theyre a pet, not a lifelong burden - they should be a companion.

I might consider not walking the dog and building a robust kennel in the garden so you can enjoy your home with your family. If thats not an option then look into breed specific rescues as advised.

If not I would PTS. I know in my heart no dog wants their owner to feel so miserable. Everyone deserves freedom - even your dog from himself.

Don’t give her to a rescue. Face the end of the road, tell her you love her and take her on a one-way trip to the vets. It’s the right thing to do.

German Shepherd. The vet (who has been bitten by her) says she’s fear aggressive. I’ve not asked about medication yet but I’m definitely going to in the new year.

In which case, as a pp has suggested, be the one to sit with her while she takes that journey.

Rescue can’t take her as she’s aggressive and can’t be safely rehomed

A particular rescue that you have contacted?

What breed is she?

I’m married, husband can’t cope with her, won’t even walk her. I do it all alone :-(

Sounds awful. We have always had dogs but i couldn't put up with this. It's supposed to be fun, family walks and lots of enjoyment.

You've done everything you can by the sounds of it, training etc, some dogs are just not cut out to be family pets. For your own sanity and family life you need to have her pts if no one will take her . Sounds heartless but you can't live like this.

• a robust kennel for when people visit your home not permanent place for your dog.

If you can live indoors just you two and stop feeling like no one can come round, or that the two of you need to go out... If you remove that stress would it help?

You are right rescues don't take dogs with history of aggression. I would talk to the vets about quality of life.

Just seen she's a German shepherd, I know the police and military take in wayward reactive shepherds so a last ditch way to prevent putting her to sleep might be to see if they can take her?

I've felt like this before and in the end we had to have the dog PTS. His anxiety had been under control but escalated again particularly around being left alone, oddly after our working pattern changed so that he was left less frequently and for shorter periods. He went from contentedly sleeping on our bed or the sofa, to pacing, panting and destroying the house when we went out. The only thing I can conclude is that he preferred the predictable routine rather than the shift pattern.

Tipping point came when he bit my husband as he was trying to go to work. We had a toddler and I was pregnant and so the risk became too high.

I don't think i'll ever get a dog again.

This is definitely my next step. I just hope he’ll agree as he’s refused to sedate her in the past when I needed to get her injections done. She ended up muzzled, pinned to the ground whilst she tried to kill everyone in the room and ultimately pissed herself

Did she come from a line that were bred as pets? Or has she basically come from kennels that breed to supply guard and police dogs?

The best thing for everyone may be PTS. If you’ve exhausted everything then don’t discount it.

Ok a GSD - they can be very highly strung, they're a guarding breed after all.

Can you explain a little more about the trainers you have worked with? What were their techniques and advice for managing her behaviour?