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AIBU?

Starting to really resent my dog

393 replies

StopBloodyBarking · 31/12/2022 11:21

4 years ago (before anyone had heard of Covid so not a lockdown puppy) I bought a puppy. It was a breed I’d always wanted and she was perfect. I did everything by the book, training classes, socialisation classes etc - she excelled in all her classes and she really was perfect.

Then she hit 6 months old and changed. She became dog reactive - no idea why as I’d socialised her so much (in hindsight, too much). I worked on that but she became dog aggressive - then people aggressive. She hates men and kids. This means I can’t have my grandchildren over as it’s just not safe. Infact we can’t have anyone over, nobody visits anymore. All walks with her are stressful so we stick to the same route everytime and I try and walk her at times when the kids are at school so we’re less likely to see any. We can’t go anywhere as we’re so restricted with where she can go. I got a dog so I could take it to the beach, to the woods, to the park etc etc … I can’t take her anywhere. I’ve just braved a quiet beach with her and she screamed the place down before lunging and barking at anyone we came across, it was so embarrassing and after 10 minutes I gave up and came home.

I feel like a prisoner with her, every day is stressful and exhausting. I’m at the point now where i no longer want to walk her. But she’s so full of energy she needs it. I can’t rehome her as she’s aggressive. I’m stuck. I’ve had two behaviourists and 4 trainers. No difference. I’ve been told it’s all about “managing” her behaviour.

Sounds awful but I’ve started to fantasise about the time she’s no longer here :-( and I feel so guilty saying that as she adores me and I love her but I can’t do this for another 10 or so years. I’m really resenting how much time I’m missing out on with my grandkids because of her. All the places we can’t go, the days she’s ruined …. Just needed a rant really. So fed up.

The constant barking is driving me insane. She’s constantly “on guard”. I’m so tired of it.

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

641 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
16%
You are NOT being unreasonable
84%
hopsalong · 31/12/2022 21:44

PTS.

And don't even think about getting another dog. Just be dogfree. It will be so much better.

GettingItOutThere · 31/12/2022 21:45

Menomenon · 31/12/2022 11:29

Don’t give her to a rescue. Face the end of the road, tell her you love her and take her on a one-way trip to the vets. It’s the right thing to do.

I agree with this. NO dog/animal is worth ruining your life over.

She cannot be happy being anxious all the time surely?

Unforgettablefire · 31/12/2022 21:54

@Lachimolala it was you who said your parents were putting their dog before the family, not me. So they also clearly don't agree with you that their dog should be put down so you can go in their house or they'd have done it.
In what way is that delusional?

been and done it. · 31/12/2022 22:01

Doesn't sound like she came from a good breeder and sadly this is what you get. If you're anywhere near Derby I could recommend an excellent trainer who breeds and shows. Her partner could possibly turn her around.

Forthelast · 31/12/2022 22:06

It sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. Your dog sounds utterly miserable but it's as nothing compared to the misery that will be inflicted on an innocent bystander if you make a mistake. Death for an animal is really not the worst thing that can happen. I would urge you to deal with this before you have a tragedy on your hands.

You can't keep your dog drugged. Buy yourself a week to say goodbye and make a decision.

Lachimolala · 31/12/2022 22:08

Unforgettablefire · 31/12/2022 21:54

@Lachimolala it was you who said your parents were putting their dog before the family, not me. So they also clearly don't agree with you that their dog should be put down so you can go in their house or they'd have done it.
In what way is that delusional?

You are completely delusional by making up some bizarre storyline in your head regarding how my family have been handling this situation both past and present and treating it as fact.

You’ve unilaterally decided both parents can leave the home, that both of them don’t want the dog PTS, that neither of them agree with me or my siblings.

Making nonsense up in your head, being told actually that’s incorrect then choosing to double down on your made up narrative, that is absolutely delusional. Give over.

justgettingthroughtheday · 31/12/2022 22:14

Where abouts are you based OP? I know an excellent behaviourist who works wonders with reactive dogs in the south west. They also do virtual consultations too.

MsLilac · 31/12/2022 22:35

I'm not sure if anyone has suggested this or if you are on Facebook but this is a very supportive group with lots of 'guides' which cover reactive dogs.

Dog Training Advice and Support

facebook.com/groups/dogtrainingadviceandsupport/

Best of luck

Unforgettablefire · 31/12/2022 22:46

@Lachimolala there is no storyline in my head only what you clearly stated. Your parents won't put their nasty dog to sleep and kids and yourself can't go to the house.
I commented on your statement, where do I claim I knew your personal goings on? Like I say just use common sense.

Lachimolala · 31/12/2022 22:47

Unforgettablefire · 31/12/2022 22:46

@Lachimolala there is no storyline in my head only what you clearly stated. Your parents won't put their nasty dog to sleep and kids and yourself can't go to the house.
I commented on your statement, where do I claim I knew your personal goings on? Like I say just use common sense.

Please do because you’re talking absolute rubbish.

crossstitchingnana · 31/12/2022 23:40

Limitisup

Exactly.

DifferenceEngines · 01/01/2023 04:39

ttcat37 · 31/12/2022 17:51

Except, it isn’t one of these supposedly ‘born bad’ dogs as she says it used to be fine.
(The don’t exist by the way. It’s learned or taught behaviour)
I don’t really care how helpful it is that people get called out for killing dogs because they bit off more than they can chew. Get a decent trainer.

Behaviour that emerges at six months can most definitely be genetic. And putting down a dog that is suffering from an incurable mental illness is no different to putting down a dog that is suffering from an incurable physical illness.

KendrickLamaze · 01/01/2023 09:57

@DifferenceEngines completely agree. People seem to forget that dogs are bred for specific purposes and have traits bred into them for reasons. Some of these traits, particularly for working lines, mean they are not meant to be pets.

SwimmingintheDeepBLUESea · 01/01/2023 17:34

You say you've tried different trainers and behaviourists. Were any of the behaviourists accredited?

Anyone can call themselves a trainer or behaviourist but only someone with a degree level qualification in animal behaviour, with experience of working with behavioural issues and undertaking ongoing CPD can be accredited.

They can work alongside a vet medicating the dog to get the best outcome. The dog will never be "fixed" but they can certainly help get the behaviour more manageable.

www.asab.org/ccab-register

Also I know it's something no-one ever wants to consider but truly sometimes euthanasia for severe behavioural problems is the best option for everyone involved, including the dog. This is more likely to be a necessity since there are problems with litter mates too. It suggests there are effectively mental health issues in the line.
If this is fear based aggression (most likely form of aggression). Your dog is living a very distressing life and just like when physical problems become too much and cause quality of life to be too low, so can mental distress.


im glad you've realised how important quality of breeder is. The bloodlines and those first 8weeks are more formative than anything that comes later.

TheDietStartsTomorrowOrMaybeTheDayAfter · 01/01/2023 17:41

I’d have her PTS if no-one will take her off your hands.You rule the dog’s life, she doesn’t rule you. I mean, you can’t even see your grandchildren FGS! What’s worth more to you? You’ve tried your best but this isn’t working.

catwhite1 · 01/01/2023 20:39

Please contact me via this post if you decide you no longer want this dog and I would be more than happy to look after her and live with her issues rather than see her pts. I am an animal lover and she would be well cared for. Please, please, please do not PHTS.

Forthelast · 02/01/2023 00:26

Be careful op, dogs are wanted as bait and as well you could still be liable if it goes on to hurt someone.

catwhite1 · 02/01/2023 06:58

No 1, I would most certainly not be using a dog as dog bait!!
No 2. If she is no longer the owner she would not be liable. If a person gave a dog to a rescue centre they would not be liable if it bit someone!! What nonsense.
I don’t believe in PTS and that is why I’ve offered a home. That’s it. I have my own dog who is 6 years old and it would be loved and treated as a family member. Not an inconvenience. It’s clearly scared but some people just don’t know how to cope or understand animals.

Littlepuddytat · 02/01/2023 07:09

Don't give the dog away to a random person on the internet op.

Ylvamoon · 02/01/2023 08:42

catwhite1 if you are genuine then I think you are a foolish.
This dog isn't able to live life out as a pet.
If you have read the OP posts you'll see that it has a difficult temperament (most likely anchored in its DNA) plus it's heavily traumatised. This dog is dangerous.

WisherWood · 02/01/2023 09:00

If you already have a dog @catwhite1 what are you going to do to either ensure these two get along, or to keep them separate if they don't? Do you have experience with this breed? How consistent are you at monitoring your body language and mood and reading a dog's body language? Do you know how to choose the right trainer for this dog and are you prepared to work consistently with them? The dog is four years old and that is going to make it harder to change and/ or manage her behaviour.

Some of the most misguided treatment I've seen of animals has come from animal lovers. That love can be very anthropomorphic and human centred. This dog needs understanding and consistency. She may also need someone prepared to make an awful decision, without being sentimental about it.

I pet sit part-time, specialising in horses, cats and dogs. Some people's dogs, whilst they are lovely, are incredibly hard work. They can be exhausting. I love them, but it's not always enough and by the end of a week I can be glad to hand them back to the owner. You're just constantly having to be aware of their mood and behaviour and adjust yourself to it. And then if I encounter a behaviour I've not dealt with before I do a lot of research to work out the best way to deal with it, which means negotiating a lot of the garbage written about dogs.

With this GSD you may be looking at 10 years of very hard work ahead of you. If you're good at what you do, maybe you'll manage. But if you're not, well, there are fates worse than death for a dog and being stuck with a well meaning but inept owner is one of them.

whataboutsecondbreakfast · 02/01/2023 09:08

catwhite1 · 02/01/2023 06:58

No 1, I would most certainly not be using a dog as dog bait!!
No 2. If she is no longer the owner she would not be liable. If a person gave a dog to a rescue centre they would not be liable if it bit someone!! What nonsense.
I don’t believe in PTS and that is why I’ve offered a home. That’s it. I have my own dog who is 6 years old and it would be loved and treated as a family member. Not an inconvenience. It’s clearly scared but some people just don’t know how to cope or understand animals.

You want to rehome a dog that's severely dog and people reactive into a home with a resident dog?

You're an utter fool.

Luckily OP seems fairly sensible and I'm sure she won't take you up on your ridiculous offer.

Duvetdaysaregood · 02/01/2023 09:16

Try and excellent behaviourist .
i think this needs specialist advice from
them .
if not the vet.
if it helps , we had a dog that despite similar training etc to you, turned in us ( me ) growled in the home at me .
we walked it four times a day , trying to get access energy out .
one day , out of the blue it bit someone.
we went to the vets and the vets said you can either
mussle it , which will only protect from its nature and make it worse inside.. or pts ..
i think that it may help you to have agood conversation with the vet .. when our vet told us what the issue was , which was mental issues, i felt calm as ut was guided by experts.
we pts ( i know that this dog wdnt have been able to be re homed and would have been constantly brought back to kennels / rescues/ unless it had someone with no fear and a hell of a lot of time and money to try to fix .. i did not want the dog to go thro the cycles of misery. He was fine as a pup , but this was from about a year .
good luck .let people help you x

FizzyTango · 02/01/2023 09:25

Hi, @StopBloodyBarking I just wanted to add that I have a reactive German shepherd. It’s so difficult sometimes. He is also 4 and the exact same thing - perfect as a puppy, puppy classes etc, we probably over socialised him, combined with some bad experiences and he is utterly terrified of dogs. He is working line, very very high drive and pretty highly strung. However I do utterly adore him, and he is just wonderful (reactive issues aside). We have also seen many trainers and behaviourists. We continue to do weekly training 1-2-1 with our current behaviourist (all positive) to try to desensitise him to triggers but it is very very slow. But when I look back, he is capable of doing things that he was not 6 months ago, so I know there is progress.

I think in your position I would focus on trying to improve things at home. You can’t control what happens out on walks but you can at home. Do you have baby gates etc.? Can you try some games where even having a visitor for 30 seconds is fun? I.E. the door bell goes and the dogs gets a shower or treats and then work up from there? I dont ever expect the dog would be able to be in the same room as your grandchildren, but could you work on having the dog settle nicely in another room.
if you have had other trainers have they discussed the importance of sleep/downtime/licking and chewing? A highly strung reactive dog needs plenty of sleep and enforced rest. Licky mats and big nice chews help the dog to calm and self regulate because the action releases serotonin.
Lastly - trigger stacking? Try walking her less? It sounds stupid but it helps. My GSD is working line, really driven - without his issues he absolutely could have been a working police dog. We do find it games round the house, hiding treats/objects. Flirt pole in the garden. Puzzle toys. Then as long as he gets some super intense ball play in a freedom feild his need to stretch his legs is met. Reduce the stressful walks!
i hope this helps 😊

DifferenceEngines · 02/01/2023 10:20

catwhite1 · 02/01/2023 06:58

No 1, I would most certainly not be using a dog as dog bait!!
No 2. If she is no longer the owner she would not be liable. If a person gave a dog to a rescue centre they would not be liable if it bit someone!! What nonsense.
I don’t believe in PTS and that is why I’ve offered a home. That’s it. I have my own dog who is 6 years old and it would be loved and treated as a family member. Not an inconvenience. It’s clearly scared but some people just don’t know how to cope or understand animals.

Yikes, you realise that if you took on an extremely dog aggressive GSD, there is a decent probability that your existing dog ends up dead or seriously injured? It only takes one slip up.

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