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AIBU?

Starting to really resent my dog

393 replies

StopBloodyBarking · 31/12/2022 11:21

4 years ago (before anyone had heard of Covid so not a lockdown puppy) I bought a puppy. It was a breed I’d always wanted and she was perfect. I did everything by the book, training classes, socialisation classes etc - she excelled in all her classes and she really was perfect.

Then she hit 6 months old and changed. She became dog reactive - no idea why as I’d socialised her so much (in hindsight, too much). I worked on that but she became dog aggressive - then people aggressive. She hates men and kids. This means I can’t have my grandchildren over as it’s just not safe. Infact we can’t have anyone over, nobody visits anymore. All walks with her are stressful so we stick to the same route everytime and I try and walk her at times when the kids are at school so we’re less likely to see any. We can’t go anywhere as we’re so restricted with where she can go. I got a dog so I could take it to the beach, to the woods, to the park etc etc … I can’t take her anywhere. I’ve just braved a quiet beach with her and she screamed the place down before lunging and barking at anyone we came across, it was so embarrassing and after 10 minutes I gave up and came home.

I feel like a prisoner with her, every day is stressful and exhausting. I’m at the point now where i no longer want to walk her. But she’s so full of energy she needs it. I can’t rehome her as she’s aggressive. I’m stuck. I’ve had two behaviourists and 4 trainers. No difference. I’ve been told it’s all about “managing” her behaviour.

Sounds awful but I’ve started to fantasise about the time she’s no longer here :-( and I feel so guilty saying that as she adores me and I love her but I can’t do this for another 10 or so years. I’m really resenting how much time I’m missing out on with my grandkids because of her. All the places we can’t go, the days she’s ruined …. Just needed a rant really. So fed up.

The constant barking is driving me insane. She’s constantly “on guard”. I’m so tired of it.

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

641 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
16%
You are NOT being unreasonable
84%
LimitIsUp · 31/12/2022 11:47

Credit to you for achieving some success in certain areas. Do consider the breed specific rescue as Catttt suggested

AGoodDayForSomebodyElseToDie · 31/12/2022 11:48

Just for the record:

This dog is not "ruining the [OP's] life" or her day's out with her DGC - she's a product of crappy breeding, who's deeply unhappy herself. The OP chose to buy the dog - the OP has ruined her own life by choosing to buy from a breeder who has bred aggressive animals without consideration for their futures.

The dog is the victim here. It likely does need to be put down, but not because it's ruining the OP's life.

StopBloodyBarking · 31/12/2022 11:49

AGoodDayForSomebodyElseToDie · 31/12/2022 11:48

Just for the record:

This dog is not "ruining the [OP's] life" or her day's out with her DGC - she's a product of crappy breeding, who's deeply unhappy herself. The OP chose to buy the dog - the OP has ruined her own life by choosing to buy from a breeder who has bred aggressive animals without consideration for their futures.

The dog is the victim here. It likely does need to be put down, but not because it's ruining the OP's life.

I agree with you, I blame myself 100% for this mess

OP posts:
NamelessNancy · 31/12/2022 11:51

LimitIsUp · 31/12/2022 11:44

I would not support pts if the dog has no bite history. Surrender to Dogs Trust or similar rather than pts (with full disclosure). Someone better able to manage the dog may adopt her

So where a large dog is exhibiting clearly aggressive behaviour we should wait for them to bite before considering pts? A GSD? That's a potential lot of harm to wait for.

Quality of life is not just about physical pain. This dog does not sound like she has a good quality of life at the moment.

Consultation with a vet behaviourist to see if medication might be warranted would be another route.

AnnoyTheBobbin · 31/12/2022 11:51

your poor dog that vet visit sounds absolutely horrific. No wonder she bites him she must have been terrified.

I would change vets immediately, explain all her issues and never accept anyone treating her like that again. If you decide to have her pts please please don’t take her there to have it done.

german shepherds need to work, they need to have their brains engaged. If you are giving up on walks after 10 minutes then she’s not getting what she needs from you and that’s only going to get worse.

I would contact a breed specific rescue and see if they can suggest anything. Or as a PP suggested the police or military. Normally there’s a good argument for PTS when there are no other options but unfortunately it doesn’t sound like you can meet her needs and in a working environment she could be a happier dog.

AGoodDayForSomebodyElseToDie · 31/12/2022 11:51

StopBloodyBarking · 31/12/2022 11:49

I agree with you, I blame myself 100% for this mess

Well no - the breeder deserves a huge portion of the blame too, to be fair. You made a mistake which you're paying for - the breeder profited out of their choice to breed unsuitable animals and sell them as pets.

LuckySantangelo35 · 31/12/2022 11:53

AGoodDayForSomebodyElseToDie · 31/12/2022 11:51

Well no - the breeder deserves a huge portion of the blame too, to be fair. You made a mistake which you're paying for - the breeder profited out of their choice to breed unsuitable animals and sell them as pets.

@AGoodDayForSomebodyElseToDie

what exactly has op done wrong?
sounds to me like she’s done all the right things, more so than most people would have

Livingbyariver · 31/12/2022 11:54

do you know if the dog is from a show or working line?

lacey79 · 31/12/2022 11:55

In my teens we had a GSD that was very similar in temperament, my parents tried all sorts of training and it seemed the dog was only comfortable around our family, my parents would walk him very early or late in the day, no one could come to our house, then one day when out walking him, he went for and bit my mum quite seriously on the arm.

I would consider PTS.

Rhondaa · 31/12/2022 11:55

AGoodDayForSomebodyElseToDie · 31/12/2022 11:48

Just for the record:

This dog is not "ruining the [OP's] life" or her day's out with her DGC - she's a product of crappy breeding, who's deeply unhappy herself. The OP chose to buy the dog - the OP has ruined her own life by choosing to buy from a breeder who has bred aggressive animals without consideration for their futures.

The dog is the victim here. It likely does need to be put down, but not because it's ruining the OP's life.

Sounds to me like it's ruining the op's life and may well ruin someone else's if it attacks someone which sounds highly likely.

Dogs should be part of the household, an enjoyable addition. It may just have a vicious temperament.

'I blame myself 100% for this mess'

Please don't, you have been a 100% responsible owner. You just need to face reality and sadly if a GS rescue won't take her then accept you've done everything you possibly could and euthanase Flowers

StopBloodyBarking · 31/12/2022 11:56

AGoodDayForSomebodyElseToDie · 31/12/2022 11:51

Well no - the breeder deserves a huge portion of the blame too, to be fair. You made a mistake which you're paying for - the breeder profited out of their choice to breed unsuitable animals and sell them as pets.

He lied to me and I fell for it hook line and sinker. He told me there were show lines, turns out they’re working lines. Her father lives in a muzzle. Her mother died recently at the age of 7.

I tried taking her to agility classes and she does enjoy that, I also tried shutzhund but she’s too unstable for it.

Was thinking of trying Mantrailing but again, unpredictable temperament- what would she do when she found her subject

OP posts:
Catttt · 31/12/2022 11:57

Please look up uk German shepherd rescue on Facebook, there are contact numbers on there.
ive had to stop reading the comments on here as I’m sickened by all the put to sleep and life’s too short comments. maybe I’m sensitive as I had to sadly have my much loved 14 year old dog put to sleep yesterday due to ill health.
15 years I’ve worked with dogs, had many German shepherds in our family, you need breed specific help.
also don’t blame yourself at all. Your trying, which is a lot more than a lot of people on this thread would apparently do

boredOf · 31/12/2022 11:57

Don't feel bad but you do need to find an alternative home or put down. You can't live like this.

Soothsayer1 · 31/12/2022 11:57

I would not tolerate having my life ruined by an animal that is not suited to be a domestic pet!

AGoodDayForSomebodyElseToDie · 31/12/2022 11:59

LuckySantangelo35 · 31/12/2022 11:53

@AGoodDayForSomebodyElseToDie

what exactly has op done wrong?
sounds to me like she’s done all the right things, more so than most people would have

I'm not advocating for keeping the dog alive - I'm advocating for people buying dogs from reputable breeders - the OP is right to accept some of the blame for this mess.

A responsible owner does not buy a dog from a breeder who produces entire litters of aggressive animals and then does a bunk.

To the OP's credit, they've tried to manage and train the dog since, but that does not change the fact they're the architect of their own issue.

Soothsayer1 · 31/12/2022 12:00

You've clearly been conned by the breeder it's not your fault and it's not fair on the animal, I would have it euthanized.
Then track down the breeder to warn other people

StopBloodyBarking · 31/12/2022 12:01

AGoodDayForSomebodyElseToDie · 31/12/2022 11:59

I'm not advocating for keeping the dog alive - I'm advocating for people buying dogs from reputable breeders - the OP is right to accept some of the blame for this mess.

A responsible owner does not buy a dog from a breeder who produces entire litters of aggressive animals and then does a bunk.

To the OP's credit, they've tried to manage and train the dog since, but that does not change the fact they're the architect of their own issue.

If nothing else, it’s taught me the importance of finding good breeders and I’ll make it my life’s mission to advice others to do the same. I stupidly thought it was all about how you brought them up, I was very wrong.

OP posts:
KirstenBlest · 31/12/2022 12:01

She'd probably be a great guard dog. Rehome her with a breed-specific dog rescue.

LimitIsUp · 31/12/2022 12:01

@NamelessNancy I have a large rescue dog who exhibits aggressive behaviour (as per my previous post) - to other dogs rather than people. She will bark and lunge (she is under control on a lead) but its not a given that she will bite at some point - in fact I consider it highly unlikely. Her 'aggression' is fear reactivity - she is unsure about other dogs intentions.

You haven't met and assessed the OPs dog (and probably do not have the skills to assess the dog), so I don't know why you are assuming that it is inevitable that the dog will bite at some point.

Fenella123 · 31/12/2022 12:01

I just wanted to wish you, at best good luck, and at worst, hope that you can find a compassionate, thoughtful and experienced vet.
All of us end up taking a wrong turning in life sooner or later. It hurts, but you can't change past mistakes. Whatever happens, there's a difference between letting experience guide your future choices, and letting regret poison the rest of your life.

blobby10 · 31/12/2022 12:02

@StopBloodyBarking my Dad had a GSD who, at the age of 12 months suddenly turned into a dog who barked at everyone. They tried everything but the only thing that worked was a Dog Whisperer - yes it sounds mad and I was very sceptical but she sussed out what no one else had. The dog had problems with her hips (undiagnosed at that point) and was feeling vulnerable hence her 'getting at' everyone else before they could suss out her 'weakness'. She was also fiercely protective of my Dad.
They worked on the hip issue with the vet (who confirmed the hip displaxia issue that affects the breed a lot ) and assorted complimentary therapies. Vet gave the dog 18 months before she would need a hip replacement - dog died last month aged 13 with her own hips after leading a long and happy and very active life. The aggression became easier to resolve once they understood why it was happening - parents changed their behaviour and relaxed and then the dog seemed to relax too. Still wore a yellow 'Nervous' collar and lead but became much nicer and calmer to be around.

10speckledfrogs · 31/12/2022 12:02

I have a GSD too - my grandad rescued some very aggressive ones over the years, most badly treated, others just bred with a screw loose

Sounds like it all went downhill for you and this dog around the teenage stage which is when shepherd's become very stubborn and difficult for a while at the best of times, your dog just did it to the extreme and didn't recover

Definitely attempt medication and management

I'm going to say something here that will be unpopular but in all of my years working with dogs I have mentioned it to people a handful of times

If you cannot manage an aggressive dog there is no shame in behavioural euthanasia especially when fear is impacting on a dogs quality of life. Some dogs are just bred wrong anyone who says otherwise doesn't have a clue. It is not always the owner at fault. Dogs can have neurological issues or just plain be born with a screw loose and no amount of fixing will ever help. I wouldn't go to euthanasia quickly but if a dog has no periods of calm and is spending its life stressed and is a major danger to the public its worth considering

Quveas · 31/12/2022 12:03

StopBloodyBarking · 31/12/2022 11:33

This is definitely my next step. I just hope he’ll agree as he’s refused to sedate her in the past when I needed to get her injections done. She ended up muzzled, pinned to the ground whilst she tried to kill everyone in the room and ultimately pissed herself

I think I'd be finding a new vet too. That is hardly the way to address her fear and anxiety!

Have you tried high strength CBD oil? It can work wonders for some dogs - and it can give you the chance to calm her enough to invest quality time in training and other activities with her. And you can purchase it directly without a vet / prescription, so I'd be tempted to try that for a few months first because anything to vet prescribes will work out costly

LuckySantangelo35 · 31/12/2022 12:03

AGoodDayForSomebodyElseToDie · 31/12/2022 11:59

I'm not advocating for keeping the dog alive - I'm advocating for people buying dogs from reputable breeders - the OP is right to accept some of the blame for this mess.

A responsible owner does not buy a dog from a breeder who produces entire litters of aggressive animals and then does a bunk.

To the OP's credit, they've tried to manage and train the dog since, but that does not change the fact they're the architect of their own issue.

@AGoodDayForSomebodyElseToDie

op didn’t know about the breeder and the litter and the lines though did she, she was lied to. Nor could she have predicted that the breeder would have ran off.
none of it is OP’s fault

Dillydollydingdong · 31/12/2022 12:03

Animals can become mentally unstable, just like people. My ds had a cat that would attack people and throw itself up against walls. Face the inevitable, there's nothing you can do that will improve her mental health and make her safe. Sadly I think you have to face the inevitable and have her pts.

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