To find my friend a bit....eccentric

[lionindistress]

I have a very good friend of mine who I have known for the years now. No issues there but she does things which may be considered odd to others and don't know if I should talk to her about this- as some friends within our friendship group have noticed this and finding it a bit too......not much... but a bit odd and to the point where it's not funny anymore. Here are a few examples (we are all in our 20's by the way)

1. After inviting her to stay over in my flat. We watched a late movie and she slept in one of the bedrooms. In the middle of the night (about 3-4am) I woke up to get a glass of water (had am itchy throat) and I just see that her room light is on. Not wanting to waste electricity. I switched this off and went back to the bed and thought maybe she was so exhausted to bother turning the light off. But when I woke up at 7am to get ready for work- I noticed that the light was back on again.

Anyway, in the morning for breakfast, I joked and said that I noticed you had your light on and I switched it off. She then replied and said that she prefer sleeping with the light on as growing up, she was always afraid of the dark and her whole family sleeps with the light on and it's only now that she tolerates sleeping with a light lamp. So everytime she stays over at mine, or other friends places, she has to have a light on when sleeping,

2. She is habitually late and makes some odd requests. For example, when we set up a time for all of us to meet together. We will say things like - "ok let's meet at 4pm" she will always pop up and say "let's meet at 4.05"- and when we ask her why, she relies that it will give her 5 minutes extra time incase she's late....... she also does this when we say "3.30" and she wants to meet at "3.38).

3. Her and our other friend were going out somewhere and they were taking the bus somewhere to a particular place where she wanted to go. My friend (the one who I'm writing about) offered her seat to an elderly person on the bus and when the elderly person reused she insisted and said "don't worry, we are getting off the next stop". Anyway, our friend and this friend, proceeded to get off the next stop and they were walking for about 15 minutes until our friend said "Hey X, where is this place? We could have got off at a nearer bus stop". The friend (who I'm talking about) replied "I know- but I told the elderly person that we were getting off the next stop and I didn't want to feel stupid and stay on the bus thinking that what I said wasn't true".

4. Can be very very private- particularly at work. She often tells me that you can't trust everyone and that I need to be careful who I share things too as they can use it against you.

There are a few other things. But other than that, she is funny, a very good friend, but we are not sure if we should have a discussion about some of the things she does...

Baby leave a light on for me … 🎵

I agree with this. I can't get past the fact that you went into the room she was sleeping in to see why the light was on. You must have done to observe that she was sleeping and not reading or something else. It would never occur to me to go and find out why the light was on for an adult in the middle of the night. I find this the weirdest (and slightly creepy) behaviour to be honest.

The bus scenario is strange only because the other friend was just passively on a bus not knowing where they were meant to be getting off. If someone like your eccentric friend had said 'we're getting off at the next stop' I would have just said 'no we aren't'.

Your friend requesting extra minutes to avoid being late but always being late anyway just means that she is a bit useless with timekeeping. I have a friend like this, It's not a massive deal breaker, she is scatty in everyway and I love that about her. It also means that when I need to cancel last minute or something that I know she will be understanding and not all high maintenance and offended about it.

Bus stop, wet day, she's there, I say

Please, share my umbrella ☂ 🎵

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here 🎵

The light thing is unfortunate, being private at work something I am supportive of, the bus journey a one-off. None of which I would call eccentric.

Habitual lateness I don't accept and the friendship would have cooled or ended if that happened with me.

Anyone else picturing Luna from Harry Potter?

These all seem quite normal to me. I can’t believe you’re all talking about her like this!

1. Completely harmless, no idea why you would want to say something.

1. A little bit annoying but I would rather know the actual time she was going to turn up even if it was a bit odd! Would just laugh about this one to he honest.

1. I can see how that's a bit annoying for the other friend but she obviously got herself into a bit of an awkward situation as ultimately was trying to do the right/ nice thing by offering her seat.

1. She is probably right!

You don't need to have a discussion with her.

She sounds like me and now I’m worried my friends are like you.

I think you don't like her, are a bit bored and want to bully her. Well you already are bullying her.

Buy a night light for next time she stays. If I was her I’d take one with me.

Not putting a label on it but I’m the parent to 2 neurodiverse children (3 altogether), and she sounds similar, particularly once you mentioned the song repeatedly being played. I myself am like that, once I like something I like it. I could watch pride and prejudice back to back, constantly and never be bored of it. It’s not the only trait but I can relate.

Different isn’t lesser than. Your friend is just different to the norm and tbh is like that. Tell her half and hour before for meet up time so she’s on time 🤷🏻‍♀️ The bus thing I think is very sweet and considerate. The light thing is completely understandable to anybody at all, ND or not. Energy light saving bulbs use about 2p per 24hr period 🤷🏻‍♀️ who cares. My kids still use nightlights for the same reason.

I don’t think you need to be concerned with the fact that she’s just different to you all.

You sure she is a very good friend of yours? Why are you gossiping about her? Rude

It seems to me you and your “ normal” friends want to stage some kind of intervention to Shane/bully her into acting/thinking exactly like the rest of you. Because you can’t recognise the fact people are different. This just about sums up GenZ.

BTW none of what you describe is eccentric.

I like your friend though, it gives me hope for the future.

If she's sleeping over that regularly, I'd buy a cheap lamp

Having a modern light bulb on overnight will probably cost 1p. The same bulb in a lamp will also cost 1p. What's the point in spending £10 on a lamp? I don't get it.

You sound horrible. Your poor friend. This is precisely the reason why I don't have a group of female friends.

She sounds sweet. The bus thing comes from wanting to do the right thing and willing to inconvenience herself to do that. I’ve done daft things like that before and I’m sure others have but not been a s honest as your friend. The night light thing is just a preference- perhaps she should bring a night plug with her when staying away from home. The time thing is a bit weird but as she’s saying it upfront, what does it matter? Better that she says 4.05 than 4 and is then late.

Well she's right about number 4, isn't she? Imagine how much more stuff you could have written about her on a public forum had you known it.

Either accept her and her foibles or don't be her friend. Talking to her about it is just mean and reminiscent of the playground. She shouldn't have to change to accommodate you.

And please don't turn off a light that has been left on with someone in the room. Who knows why they need it on.

These are all total non issues. Are you very young? Because it sounds like you have not encountered many people who are different to you and if you’re struggling with these very minor quirks then you are going to have a tough time when you meet some really different people.

1. some people sleep with a light on. Just because you don’t doesn’t make it wrong.
2. she knows she struggled with timekeeping and this is her way of warning you. It may be a bit of an affectation but does it really matter?
3. she was being considerate to the elderly person who obvious didn’t want to make a fuss about needing a seat!

It sounds like you and your friends have been talking unkindly about her. That isn’t nice and she hasn’t done anything to deserve that.

Send her my way. She seems just my kind of person. Kind and honest and not over estimating herself. A lovely combination.

Perhaps she realises you are quite judgmental so limits what she tells you?

Needing a light on during the night isn’t so bad.

Nothing you’ve described is eccentric. If she insisted on wearing a tea cosy on her head on Sundays then I might consider that to be a little eccentric, but it wouldn’t bother me at all.

I definitely find it more strange to go into a guest room where someone's sleeping and turn the light off than to want the light on in the first place. The only thing that would slightly bother me is the lateness but I'd probably just adapt the friendship accordingly? (e.g. I wouldn't arrange meetups which would have me waiting around for her if she's going to be more than 20 minutes late. If she's coming round to mine for coffee I wouldn't care so much if she was half an hour or more late).

By the way none of her behaviour is eccentric. Leaving light on if she’s scared I get that I leave my hall way light on as I get up to loo loads and bloody trip over. The bus thing she shouldn’t have worried what the old lady thought but offering seat was a good thing to do.
Being late I don’t do that but my timing can be bad
she’s also right you can’t trust people so what’s the problem here?

I see no point in talking to her about these things as they are not behaviours she actively chooses to carry out just for the fun of it and which she can easily “correct” because other people find them mildly aggravating. It’s the way her brain works.

You don’t sound like a good friend, OP.

Going into a guest’s room to turn off their light is very rude. All to save 50p! Get a lamp for the guest room and an energy saving lightbulb if you’re worried about costs.

And you’ve gone from describing her as eccentric to selfish because people aren’t agreeing with you.