To find my friend a bit....eccentric

[lionindistress]

I have a very good friend of mine who I have known for the years now. No issues there but she does things which may be considered odd to others and don't know if I should talk to her about this- as some friends within our friendship group have noticed this and finding it a bit too......not much... but a bit odd and to the point where it's not funny anymore. Here are a few examples (we are all in our 20's by the way)

1. After inviting her to stay over in my flat. We watched a late movie and she slept in one of the bedrooms. In the middle of the night (about 3-4am) I woke up to get a glass of water (had am itchy throat) and I just see that her room light is on. Not wanting to waste electricity. I switched this off and went back to the bed and thought maybe she was so exhausted to bother turning the light off. But when I woke up at 7am to get ready for work- I noticed that the light was back on again.

Anyway, in the morning for breakfast, I joked and said that I noticed you had your light on and I switched it off. She then replied and said that she prefer sleeping with the light on as growing up, she was always afraid of the dark and her whole family sleeps with the light on and it's only now that she tolerates sleeping with a light lamp. So everytime she stays over at mine, or other friends places, she has to have a light on when sleeping,

2. She is habitually late and makes some odd requests. For example, when we set up a time for all of us to meet together. We will say things like - "ok let's meet at 4pm" she will always pop up and say "let's meet at 4.05"- and when we ask her why, she relies that it will give her 5 minutes extra time incase she's late....... she also does this when we say "3.30" and she wants to meet at "3.38).

3. Her and our other friend were going out somewhere and they were taking the bus somewhere to a particular place where she wanted to go. My friend (the one who I'm writing about) offered her seat to an elderly person on the bus and when the elderly person reused she insisted and said "don't worry, we are getting off the next stop". Anyway, our friend and this friend, proceeded to get off the next stop and they were walking for about 15 minutes until our friend said "Hey X, where is this place? We could have got off at a nearer bus stop". The friend (who I'm talking about) replied "I know- but I told the elderly person that we were getting off the next stop and I didn't want to feel stupid and stay on the bus thinking that what I said wasn't true".

4. Can be very very private- particularly at work. She often tells me that you can't trust everyone and that I need to be careful who I share things too as they can use it against you.

There are a few other things. But other than that, she is funny, a very good friend, but we are not sure if we should have a discussion about some of the things she does...

Yup - exactly that.

I think you're extremely weird for listing all these events as if it's something newsworthy. OP - you're the odd one. Leave off 'a discussion' with your friend.

We all have quirks!

I am usually too early for everything and am quite pissed off waiting for people even if they turn up on time! One of my friends is always late! I overcompensate for transport timing. She seems to think that wherever she goes it takes the same time! She travels more than me, gets trains, tubes, buses,. I don't feel a need to talk to her about it because it is just who she is. She is very kind.

I love all my friends. They have propped me up when I needed it (financially) and I have taken a couple to hospital/appointments etc.

She sounds fine to me

The lateness would irritate me but if I liked her, I would factor that in. It sounds as if you want to expel her from your friendship group over these reasons, some of which sound very normal.

I clicked on this thread because one of my friends, whom I know to be slightly eccentric and I am fine with that, has started sending me TikTok things about Bill Gates wanting to eradicate billions of people. I'm perfectly accepting of different views as long as they're not brought up for discussion continually.

Send her my number .. she sounds ace

She probably has some mild anxiety issues, but she seems to manage them well and they're not causing any harm at all. There really is nothing to discuss.

I love her

She sounds unapologetically herself and self aware which are both brilliant qualities. She's working on the lateness which she understands is annoying for others.

I distanced myself from a group that couldn't handle my small quirks and I only spend time with those who love me for me, she may do the same.

You and your friends sound boring and rigid.
Who cares about being 'normal.'

Yes we all have quirks and once you’re an adult you expect people to just accept you as you are if they want to be your friend.
How awful if a group of women you thought were your friends all sat you down and listed ways in which you were a bit weird and asked you to change.

In fact, it’s one of the best things about being an adult! You can just at yourself as you are and stop trying to fit in as you do at high school.

i would be so upset if my friends were TTS cussing my mild quirks like this. The bus thing is something I would do. Possibly not with friends, but it’s kind. The light thing is do not an issue. The privacy thing sounds sensible. Imagine how much you could all bitch about her if you knew more about her life. Poor woman, I hope she meets some nicer people.

This is an odd (and really unkind) post. I don’t see what the issue is with said friend. I was reading the examples thinking ok the next one is going to be something really out there bizarre, but I got to the end thinking “huh, is this it?”

Some of what was listed is like me, especially the privacy part and Some similar to my son who is neurodiverse.

You switched off the light? In the room she was in?

What an aggressive thing to do.
Maybe try actually liking her, or not seeing her?

Oh BTW I totally get the bus thing and might do the same.

She sounds lovely, OP. If you take these minor things out of the equation and compare them to her friends speaking badly about her behind her back, do you think she comes off worse, or you? I don’t think she’d ever even entertain doing that to you.
Having said that, sometimes personalities just don’t work anymore and if it’s a problem I suggest distancing yourself for her benefit as she clearly deserves better. I’ve been friends with people for a very long time only for the friendship to crumble because the things you were accepting of at first are no longer funny or cute. That goes both ways- I’m sure you have your flaws as well, the difference being that she is still kind and forgiving about yours.
One thing that she does that would grate on me is always being late, a problem that is shared by a lot of the population and I always consider it rude. But it’s possible to work around the one person who is late - if you suggest 3 and she suggest 3.07, I’d tell everyone else who is on time that the real time we are meeting is actually half an hour after your original suggestion. Then she’s not late, you will all arrive around the same time.

I hope that helps.

Maybe she suffers from anxiety. I get that some of it can be wearing and doesn’t always consider other people in her ‘quirks’ but I’m not sure I would say anything (except maybe the bus thing if it happens more than once). If she’s a good friend then I’d accept her funny ways but bring up the ones that directly negatively impact.

LancelotsLeftArm - leaving the* *light on all night in a Cost of Living crisis does impact the OP.

Yes, I would find that a pain. Does no-one say anything about that? I'd feel compelled to say fairly firmly something like "I know you like this song, but really, five times is definitely enough, do let's give it a rest".

She is doing nothing wrong so really you should stop gossipying about her with other friends if she is supposed to be a friend. As for leaving the light on it costs next to nothing to have a light on and rude of you to go and turn it off. She was nice giving the seat to the elderly person. She has her little quirks but which of us don't as no one is perfect so please stop judging her as really dislike groups of women talking and judging others behind their back when they are meant to be friends. Cannot see anything she is doing wrong.

Sounds like OP has a lot of growing up to do.

I think what you need to do is invite her around for a coffee. Make sure all your other friends are there when she arrives, get her sat down and tell her that you all have something to say to her … then you all bombard her with stuff she needs to change about herself. Let her know how weird she is and tell her how to rectify her personality to suit her friends.

This is what a good friend would do.

If someone's obviously asleep, it's not in the least aggressive. On the other hand, your response is.

Do stop the pile-on, people, this knee-jerk "How hard can we bash OP" response to so many threads is getting endemic around here. It's not as if OP is reading it, anyway.

@lionindistress “when we have gatherings, which of course involves music, she would want the same (favourite song) to be played over and over and over and over again....are you telling me that no one will find this a bit selfish???”

You’re being silly.
You post totally innocuous examples, and then when people tell you they’re no big deal, you come out with a far better example and throw in that bit in bold.
That’s more irritating of you than the things your friend does in your OP 🤣

This tickled me for some reason! I think you’ll find posters can post what they want (within reason).