To hate myself and my small house

[Turnthecandleson]

I feel really really awful today.

I am a failure, we have a tiny house which we do own (mortgage) so I guess that’s something, but there’s hardly any space in it. I feel like I’m depriving my 4 year old of a decent life. We have one big room which also has a drop leaf table and chairs in it, along with a sofa, TV etc. So we spend basically all our time in one room. The kitchen is attached. We also have a small yard, but not enough room for a swing or slide or anything like that. Just planters and small shed.
Our son has an attic bedroom which is an awkward shape with a sloped ceiling on one side, which is fine at his age and height now, but as he gets older he won’t be able to stand up in that side of his room.
I kick myself a lot at the decision we made regarding this house. There were two we had to choose from when we were looking and I wanted this one because it has a beautiful view out the back windows, overlooks a hill with sheep grazing.
The other house would have been better in hindsight, okay it didn’t have the view this one does, but it had a big cellar for storage (we don’t have any shortage to speak of really) and had a kitchen with room for a table. Also a small bedroom (not attic) for our son.

Anyway, I’m not working currently, as we were struggling to afford childcare and I found my anxiety was getting really bad too, panic attacks etc so I was signed off and then ended up handing my notice in.

Life feels very bleak at the moment and almost pointless.
I’m very worried about our finances and currently we our outgoings are higher than our incomings.

I had so many plans when I left university, all my fellow graduates have gone on to get really good jobs, well paid and live comfortable lives. I even enrolled onto two post grad courses after uni and left halfway through both as my anxiety got the better of me and I didn’t feel I was good enough.

Lovely house! It looks so snug and nice and you keep it really pretty. That view would've turned my head too!

Op your house is lovely. As your child gets older you can bring his bed to the centre of the room . And maybe the lower side can be used for chest of drawers /storage. He will manage for a long time yet though kids have a way of managing

Your house is lovely! Looks clean and warm and inviting. Could you try a folding table and chairs to make some extra room when not eating? And don't worry about the attic room. Maybe in the future you could make low, built in, storage cupboards in the eave area. Move the bed to the higher area. Maybe even a dormer window if finances allow in the future. But don't worry for now. Your home is perfect. And that view!

I think your house sounds lovely, maybe a little redecorating would help you to reframe it in your mind. Could your low mood be related to the weather? A little SAD? I think a part time job would help as definitely you can’t continue having your outgoings exceeding incoming. Be proud of everything you’ve achieved. I have friends who live in big houses but they also have very big mortgage repayments. I sometimes get fed up of my house (especially when I’m generally feeling overwhelmed with work and life) but then I move things around and do something like put some fairy lights up and I then love it again.

Just seen your photos. Gorgeous house!

Well, what can you do now to change this situation? If your son is 4 I assume he has free nursery hours or is already in school? You need to get a job, OP. In the nicest way you can’t complain about not living a nice lifestyle if you’re not earning. May sound harsh but actually it’s a good thing, the solution is in your hands. Get a job, put the house up for sale, save a bit of cash if you can and move. The longer you hide away at home the worse the anxiety will get. Good luck!

OP I think you have a lovely house. And since you put up pictures asking for suggestions I think there's scope to tweak lots of small things to maximise the space. If your house was mine I'd build in storage each side of the fireplace I corporating the TV & toy storage at lower level.
Could you build a banquette around.the table with a bench on the outwards side which could be tucked right in when not in use?
I would do lots of research on small house decor to pick up tips on maximising what you've got.
You have a clean, nicely maintained home which will be easier to heat & maintain. You just need to embrace it for all its charm & make it yours.
In time is there potential to open a door or put in a wall of glass to maximise that stunning view?

Well I live in a housing association flat and have done my entire adult life with my DS. Am I a failure OP?

If you tackle your anxiety and depression you may be able to work and therefore contribute more financially. Which will give you a new perspective on what you want for your family in the future.

You're house looks lovely and cared for. I know people with enormous houses who live in tips and don't seem to know how to make a home....
Maybe some baskets for storage and a big colourful mat would cheer you up.
You can only use one room at a time even if you have 10 mansions!!

Many parents and kids live in small houses and flats and even single rooms... it's not what proves you're a good mum at all.

Also you're a homeowner... unachievable for many.

You sound depressed and like you're blaming the house but you'd probably feel the same in a big house too

The photos of your home look stunning.

a futon under the eaves will help solve the problem when your son is a teenager. Also futons can be picked up easily giving you more floor space for train sets or scslelectrics.

If it’s possible to bolt the tv on the wall and lose the tv cupboard, that’s more floorspace, and would billy bookcases ((floor to ceiling) look on eBay or Freegle) either side of the chimney breast solve a couple of issues.

Im sorry that you not as happy as you’d like to be, but you have many positives in your life, a few tweaks will turn the negatives into positives and the positives into fantastics.

I love the sound of the view. That's special.

The view you have is amazing and I assume it means some lovely walks right on your doorstep? A good walk in the fresh air when you're feeling overwhelmed makes a difference.

I would suggest putting the tv on the wall above the fireplace and getting rid of the small storage unit you have there to free to some space? If you are able to purchase some wall mounted units, rather than the floor ones you currently have it will free up even more floor space? And white, if all the walls are white, it will instantly make a room feel bigger. No dark colours. You could definitely still utilise the big mirror on another wall.

Your house looks lovely.

The attic is spacious. I wish my boys had that much space.
My two young boys share a room that can only fit a bunkbed and two ikea bookshelves, not even a wardrobe.

Please don't compare yourself to others.

there is a netflix show called tiny house nation.
Watch it for ideas. It's amazing.
Again, you have a lovely home.

OP, the size of your house does not matter AT ALL in terms.of your children's overall lifelong wellbeing and happiness. You worrying about and feeling low abot it DOES matter and will impact them. (I'm sorry if that sounds harsh but it's true). A child living in a small caravan or bedsit with happy, fun, loving parents will be happier and grow up more stable than a child living in a 9-bed, 8 bathroom mansion with miserable, anxious parents who stress everyday about paying for what they have.

Be a good, happy, healthy, relaxed and loving mum and that's all your children need.

Oh my goodness OP!! I've just seen the picture of your house and I loooove it!!!! I would happily trade my 4 bed bungalow for your gorgeous house with all that green space outside and the cute attic room and gorgeous lounge. It is a LOVELY house. Honestly, it is really lovely!! I totally would NOT be sad about that house it's a dream!

First OP. you have a really lovely home. I love the floor at the attick, it looks like a perfect place for dreaming. My kids would love your son's room.

I'm not going to cmment your health, beacuse I do not know any thingabout it.

But, from the photos you have showed us it seems like storage is big problem in your home. Is it possible for you to get a part time job while your partner is at home so you can earn and invest in a little bit of storage? Those two sides od fireplace need shelves.

I live in a two bedroom apartment with husband and two kids, no shed, no yard, no anything, so I know quite a lot about lack of storage. I hate clutter and the moment I saved a little bit of money I put shelves on one wall. It keeps books, toys, dvd's, puzzles, board games and keeps the place clean and uncluttered.

I hope you'll find a solution that works for you.

This probably won't help you but I'd love to live in your house!

The fireplace is so nice, it's all light and airy and much more spacious than I imagined from your first op. And all that green? I'm green with envy!

Argh. Just shows one man's junk is another man's treasure. I think it's more to do with how you are feeling op. I'd look at other things going on for you to bring you down low.

Oh, and speaking of low, the low ceiling might be adding to your feeling of being cramped, i visualised the little bed pulled out and the toys stored in the eves; could give you the feeling to more space?

Oh ok.come on!!!! I would give my right arm for that house.its lovely. Honestly you have nothi g to worry about.so this is deff a you problem and I say that in the kind way not a mnet way lol.youve got to get help and put of your own thoughts on this.
That view too.wow.
Cost lighting.warm bulbs again great. Bookcase,love it.fairy lights check😚
Would a brighter rug help.like a proper elmaesque rainbow coloured one.
You dc room is great too.and the size is easily adaptable for growth. In my cousins attic he had a flip down desk when it was time.and got one of those bed desks that went over the bed to work ha,like in hospitals he loved it!and adapted a the little space in the slope for a rail type cupboard in the space which many people think is unusable but it wasn't at all.

Thank you all so much for the comments and replies.

Its interesting to hear other people’s perspective of the house as I feel embarrassed to even have people round.

OP I have not read the thread except your comments.

On bedrooms- my kids all have 'attic' rooms with sloping ceilings. They all have parts of their rooms where they can't stand up (they are teens). Several visiting teens have commented how they live the cosy floor cushions and how cool it is that they have their own room that's so quirky. My kids are very happy with their slopy ceilings. DD told me she thought 'normal shaped bedrooms are so boring'. Which is good cos we can't afford to move!

And- does your son feel loved? Cherished & cared for? That's what matters.

Do you welcome visitors with a cuppa and a smile? That's all that matters.

I used to visit a local friend. Her house was about 1/3 the size of mine, was a total tip; and choas everywhere. I LOVED visiting her- she made me feel welcome and like she wanted to see me. (I'd had a previous friend in a massive house which was immaculate who was a judgemental bitch- so I stopped visiting her!)

Enjoy what you have. Kids thrive on love, not floorspace.

My house is tiny, a cottage so not even an upstairs! I sometimes feel embarrassed that other people have bigger houses and mine is so small in comparison. Then I remind myself I could be living in a flat on the top floor of a tower block (no offence to people who do) or have nightmare neighbours or renting and paying off someone else's mortgage. It's small but cheap to heat. Maybe decorate the main room or something? Jazz it up a but might make you feel a bit better about it

The view looks great.