Men in women’s spaces

[BrightSaturn]

Just using this to rant really…

2 times in the past month I have encountered men in women only spaces.

1. I went to a feeding room to breastfeed my daughter in a shopping centre. I walked in and there were two young women in there changing their babies and one of their boyfriends just taking up one of the only chairs just sitting there, sitting using his phone. It’s a small room with 3 chairs in. I didn’t know what to do so I thought I’ll just sit down and get ready slowly and hopefully they’ll leave. I have fed in public but this was a small room so I felt vulnerable and like he shouldn’t be there and I didn’t want to lift my top up whilst he was sitting basically opposite me so I eventually asked if he could leave the room, they looked annoyed but thankfully he did go, after she looked at him and said “it’s up to you”…
2. I went into a changing room in a shop the other day with my mum, imagine a big room with seats in the middle and curtained dividers all round the outside. My mum was only trying on cardigans so really she just needed a mirror but in the middle on a seat was a boy about 17/18 years old. His girlfriend was trying on clothes. I couldn’t believe it! It wasn’t even doors on the changing rooms, just curtains. Why he thought this was acceptable I have no idea. Again I felt vulnerable and this time I didn’t have the confidence to ask him to leave. If my mum had been actually changing I would have probably found a shop assistant but still it’s not fair that we have to ask them to leave, he should not have been there in the first place!

aibu to think women’s spaces are being invaded more and more? How can we stop this from happening?

It's a shame BigMama32 as there's a discussion to be had about the removal of women's spaces, sport / rights etc. If everything is made "gender neutral" & the words women, girls, breastfeeding, pregnant mothers etc become unsayable as Stonewall etc push for, then we can't identify and tackle specific issues that only relate to women.
Sex matters. Breastfeeding mothers matter. Shouting down those trying to ensure specific provision for women when vulnerable is doing so much harm.

Maybe go back and read the thread? You'll find numerous woman attesting to the fact that breastfeeding provisions in stores etc were successfully campaigned for by women and that these are now often converted into mixed sex "parent friendly" rooms.

The photographing was in response claiming their husband should abuse and shout at a woman and tell that woman, with a babe in arms, to 'fuck off' if that woman even so much as dared challenging him for being there. Any man who verbally abuses a vulnerable woman like that has no business being in society. I am sure most people would agree with that, no matter what side your on.

Yet I have provided evidence. So have others. They either move the goal posts (no, I don't mean Canada, US, I mean the UK), no not 'specialty shops' it has to be a massive shopping centre etc.

The fact these spaces have been remembered, seen and acknowledged by many women on here. But that's not good enough. The very fact they were erased is conveniently used as proof they 'never existed'. How convenient.

When I was going through Uni I worked summers at a photo processor lab. Yes, a while ago. It was quite an education for me to learn how creepy some men are, especially about breasts. I had put some of my own film in to be processed, taken of my cousin and her new baby. Lots of the baby sleeping, her tiny fist grabbing a finger, that sort of thing. In some of them she was, indeed, breastfeeding. All was very discreet and proper but the creepy guys in my office grabbed them when the photos came through (didn't know they were mine) and were openly and utterly gross slobbering over them, saying things like "if only they had moved a bit to the left" and "look you can almost make out the nipps!" It was horrific and childish at the same time. These were grown men with grown children. I repeat, gross.

But I learned then that some men are just utter creeps when it comes to women's bodies, and women need spaces to protect them from these men. Hence rooms where mothers can breastfeed. Simple.

I would never ever condone any demonstrating such abusive behaviour. Unfortunately it does seem this discussion has gone far far south, and it would be great to see this effort put into making a change for the positive

I have experienced this many times. It is horrible and very uncomfortable. The cleaners tend to either not give a fuck or actually seem to enjoy causing discomfort.

which just underlines why males should not be in women’s spaces.

This. I'm a little past 60 now, and I've seen it. You think things have moved on for the better. Then the menz want to be in the womens spaces and this happens.

Menz really don’t. It’s an absolutely tiny number of fetishists and perverts, supported by quisling females, who are causing this issue.

Why would anyone need to use a feeding room to bottle feed? Surely they're designed for women who want to breastfeed with some privacy?

So men do not need to be there. My partner wouldn't have dreamed of accompanying me into one - and I wouldn't have wanted him to because 1) no need and 2) more importantly, respect for privacy and dignity of other women.

The same sort of woman who thinks it's ok to have their male partners stay overnight on the postnatal ward because they "need support". What about the privacy, dignity, feelings of the other women?

Any decent man, with an ounce of common sense and courtesy, wouldn't go in there or leave pdq if a woman was breast feeding in there.

But its not is it? Its all the men who don't see a problem hanging out in the changing rooms because their girlfriend is there. Its the quite large number of men who quite like the chance of perving on women now they have the chance (as I've got older I've realised a lot more men than I realised with assault women if the opportunity presents and they feel safe they can get away with it). Its all the men who quite enjoy being able to put women 'in their place' now they can cause they discomfort by being in these spaces and then feel socially sanctified in kicking off at any woman who dares to speak out. Its all the men who think its kinda off that men can get into women's refuges now but just aren't arsed enough to kick up a fuss or cause discomfort with their trans activist friends over it. Its all the men who just don't give enough of a shit to think about any of this, cos it only affects women.

I believe Stonewall was a great organisation once fighting for gay rights.

Then Stonewall was hijacked with a horrible ideology that doesn't believe in females in the biological sense, and they don't believe in people being fully gay. And this is all to pander to a very small number of men.

From what I understand, Stonewall are acting as advisors to corporations and political parties.

It's crazy that policies have and are being pushed to take away female safe spaces, rights in sports, and so on.

As women, I hope the majority of us come together to help protect our current safe spaces and reverse those that we have already lost such as prisons.

out of the thousands of men I know and have known, I don’t know any men who think in the ways that you describe, bar 1.

almost all men don’t want to be in the shop, never mind the changing rooms.

I don’t have any trans activist friends and I don’t know anyone who does.

Quite frankly, any ' man ' who screams, shouts and tells a breastfeeding mother to F off is the lowest of the low.
If he can do that to a stranger in public, then god knows how he treats his wife / partner behind closed doors!

I'm surprised at so many PPs saying they didn't have feeding rooms in their shopping centres until recently. My DC are 18 and 16 and I can think of 4 separate 'parent and baby' rooms that existed when they were small. 3 of them definitely had bottle feeding spaces and breastfeeding spaces. The other I can't remember. Men were often in the changing or bottle feeding area. The breastfeeding area was women only.

I thought facilities would have improved since then. Clearly not.

Or simply add a changing table and put a chair in the mens room with a bottle heater, Problem solved. Men who genuinely need these facilities should petition for it not women and this can only happen if men are forced out of these womens spaces. Why do women have to always compromise when it comes to men. I can't believe the stuff I'm reading on this thread and how some people still thinks it's ok.

👏👏👏👏 Thank you.

A very depressing thread- another example of women prioritising men above women.
Some trolly replies. Or MRA. Or both.
There were definitely mother and baby rooms in shops and shopping centres in the 90s because I used them many times when breastfeeding. Mothercare's rooms were nice and roomy! It made a refreshing change from being asked to feed my babies in the toilet or being accused of "flashing" my breasts!! Never saw a man in those rooms either thankfully.
Different times. Imagine a shop called Mothercare now

Why is "needs support" in inverted commas? Do you not think women need support postnatally? Why do the feelings of some of the women on the ward who don't want men there take precedence over the needs of the women who need support? Aren't they both important?

Its all the men who don't see a problem hanging out in the changing rooms because their girlfriend is there.

This is a major problem. It's selfish behaviour and they should be pulled up on it.

If the man in the original post had been bottle-feeding or changing a baby, it would have been fine. But he wasn't. He was lounging around, on his phone, while his partner changed the baby. His behaviour was the exact definition of encroaching on womens spaces, and the OP was right to challenge him.

@Cosystripysocks why are you arguing for women's safe spaces in hospitals to be compromised?

Exactly why I say separate male / female rooms plus a third for anyone wishing to use it.

I've been here the whole thread and I haven't seen any evidence produced for it but anyway, even if breastfeeding rooms used to exist, unless you know the history of every parents room you can't say it used to be a breastfeeding room can you. The one the OP was in may or may not have been so you can't say hey no men are allowed in here! It used to be a breastfeeding room once!