Men in women’s spaces

[BrightSaturn]

Just using this to rant really…

2 times in the past month I have encountered men in women only spaces.

1. I went to a feeding room to breastfeed my daughter in a shopping centre. I walked in and there were two young women in there changing their babies and one of their boyfriends just taking up one of the only chairs just sitting there, sitting using his phone. It’s a small room with 3 chairs in. I didn’t know what to do so I thought I’ll just sit down and get ready slowly and hopefully they’ll leave. I have fed in public but this was a small room so I felt vulnerable and like he shouldn’t be there and I didn’t want to lift my top up whilst he was sitting basically opposite me so I eventually asked if he could leave the room, they looked annoyed but thankfully he did go, after she looked at him and said “it’s up to you”…
2. I went into a changing room in a shop the other day with my mum, imagine a big room with seats in the middle and curtained dividers all round the outside. My mum was only trying on cardigans so really she just needed a mirror but in the middle on a seat was a boy about 17/18 years old. His girlfriend was trying on clothes. I couldn’t believe it! It wasn’t even doors on the changing rooms, just curtains. Why he thought this was acceptable I have no idea. Again I felt vulnerable and this time I didn’t have the confidence to ask him to leave. If my mum had been actually changing I would have probably found a shop assistant but still it’s not fair that we have to ask them to leave, he should not have been there in the first place!

aibu to think women’s spaces are being invaded more and more? How can we stop this from happening?

You hope that your husband verbally abuses any woman that feels uncomfortable feeding in front of men (so likely has a reason to fear men to begin with anyway) whilst she is uncovered and vulnerable with her baby in her arms
Jesus, you're a peach

Well you do need to kind of get used to it or fight for a special sex segregated space.

What women shouldn’t do is try and remove facilities from parents to dominate them.

Id prefer lots of things, that aren’t reasonable or practical for private businesses to put in place.

Not parent properly? By not force feeding a baby? You really just need to fuck off now.

Again with your willful stubborn refusal to admit you're wrong. These places WERE womens spaces. Then men COLONISED THEM. Men need to campaign for their own spaces because women won't tolerate them in where women are breastfeeding. If men want FF, they need to find their own space to do it. Because they will never be welcome in our feeding spaces.

This is peak MN and well deserving of the biscuit

Reading all these posts arguing I cannot fathom the lack of empathy towards women at their most vulnerable, of course they should have safe, clean, private spaces to breastfeed their baby without needing to worry that a man might be there.

No, you need to fuck off with your insistence that your partner has a right to be in female spaces where women have their tits out. Just fuck of with that right now, and forever.

It’s been adequately demonstrated that women had already done that. Those spaces are now being rebadged as family rooms. Not sure what about that you don’t understand?

No they weren’t, definitely not all or the majority since feeding rooms are relatively new.

Most shopping centres 10 years ago had no rooms, not mothers rooms, BF rooms, nothing.

My own local shopping Center only recently introduced a family room, how can something new have been colonised? It was a family room from day one!

Youre not even in the Uk, you have no idea about what’s common or not ffs.

In fact, I am so furious at this, I recommend that any woman that sees a man in these spaces take a photo of him and tell him if he doesn't leave you'll publish it on facebook. I'm sick of this. That's what I'll be doing/recommending going forward. This thread has really done it for me. This should not be happening. These men need to be stopped.

But they’re not, it’s not been demonstrated those spaces are being rebadged, two posters claimed this was true, one of which is in Australia so has not an ounce of relevant experience to call upon.

I’m not sure what about that you don’t understand?

I have to believe they're trolling. For the sake of humanity I have to be. They've had their arse handed to them so many times now, they're proud of their ignorance.

Wtf? So a man using a space for men and women should be photographed and posted online?

how abusive and idiotic

Says the person who tried to post links which were all shown to not support their view by multiple posters

You’re a joke

Why do I get a biscuit?
You're telling me you're as comfortable and confident with your breast out as you are stood up and fully dressed?
If I'd have been sat down expressing with baby DD in my arms and some random bloke stood over me to swear in my face that I was taking up a space he wanted to make a bottle in, I'd have been intimidated
Average UK bloke has half a foot on me in height
You think that's a fair match?

Agreed, incredibly disheartening.

Posters like that are such disgusting vermin I can't think of any less harsh way to say it than that. Absolute scum. They're just showing us (I am beginning to think that poster is male too) their true colours. They're not even human. Recommending a male barge his way in to places where women have their tits out - rape victims, like myself, and be abusive to me when myself and others stand up for our rights? Only some subhuman specimen would even write something like they did.

Well when I worked in retail in the late 90s they absolutely were known as mother and baby rooms. They are all family rooms now. I was really familiar with the room because I worked in a children’s clothes shop and the mothers who shopped there were so delighted about it. Why do you think everyone is making this up???

As far as I can recall groups campaigning for spaces for fathers to baby change etc came after women's campaigns about breastfeeding. The early campaigns were remarkably successful in establishing the needs of women for somewhere private to feed their babies. The came the understanding that childcare was the responsibility of both parents, so many businesses just converted what had been the spaces for breastfeeding women. It was logical - limited funds & space.
Unfortunately what was lost was the understanding of the unique needs for some women who aren't comfortable or don't feel safe breastfeeding in front of random men.
This shouldn't be controversial - the law of unintended consequences is massive - but it doesn't help to get all fact denying when women discuss this aspect of the removal of unique women's spaces.

Nice story, but not what I said at all. The drama here today is quite incredible.

Definitely female @IAmWomanHearMeRoar1

I must admit I’m actually quite surprised that a private woman-only space for breastfeeding is so contentious. And it’s very depressing. It’s not a big ask to have a male-free space when having to undress for any reason but I’d say breastfeeding is a uniquely vulnerable experience because you also have to give up your body autonomy to a degree and care for someone else at the same time. I’m quite saddened that some posters just can’t expend a bit of empathy towards women in the situation.

Yes, if a male is intimidating me in a womans space, and standing over me as I'm breastfeeding and aggressively tells me to fuck off, then that male has no right being anywhere near vulnerable women and he should be photographed. If you support a male standing over a woman with babe in arms and telling her to fuck off, there is something missing in your wiring.

I'm so confused about this thread.

I don't think anyone has argued that there shouldn't be a women only feeding space however people have argued that this also extends to men.

A lot of the shopping centres I have been to have a curtained off area but we are also limited as there was only this parent/family space to change your baby which means that unfortunately men do have to enter to change their baby.

A lot of feeding spaces also provide bottle warmers and most people do require a seat whether the bf or ff one does not trump the other.

Like it or not when referring to the OP they were unreasonable about the baby facilities as it was not a dedicated woman's space but rather a space to look after a baby which is covered by men and women

Like it or not when referring to the OP they were unreasonable about the baby facilities as it was not a dedicated woman's space but rather a space to look after a baby which is covered by men and women

When referring to the OP, that man was not feeding or changing a baby. He was taking up a chair sitting on his phone. So unless you think these spaces should be open to anyone who feels like, I can’t see how the OP was unreasonable?

@disneydreaming101 Like it or not when referring to the OP they were unreasonable about the baby facilities as it was not a dedicated woman's space but rather a space to look after a baby which is covered by men and women

The point is, they were originally a dedicated womans space. Now, men have infiltrated that space. Instead of doing the decent thing and campaigning for their own feeding/changing space.