Men in women’s spaces

[BrightSaturn]

Just using this to rant really…

2 times in the past month I have encountered men in women only spaces.

1. I went to a feeding room to breastfeed my daughter in a shopping centre. I walked in and there were two young women in there changing their babies and one of their boyfriends just taking up one of the only chairs just sitting there, sitting using his phone. It’s a small room with 3 chairs in. I didn’t know what to do so I thought I’ll just sit down and get ready slowly and hopefully they’ll leave. I have fed in public but this was a small room so I felt vulnerable and like he shouldn’t be there and I didn’t want to lift my top up whilst he was sitting basically opposite me so I eventually asked if he could leave the room, they looked annoyed but thankfully he did go, after she looked at him and said “it’s up to you”…
2. I went into a changing room in a shop the other day with my mum, imagine a big room with seats in the middle and curtained dividers all round the outside. My mum was only trying on cardigans so really she just needed a mirror but in the middle on a seat was a boy about 17/18 years old. His girlfriend was trying on clothes. I couldn’t believe it! It wasn’t even doors on the changing rooms, just curtains. Why he thought this was acceptable I have no idea. Again I felt vulnerable and this time I didn’t have the confidence to ask him to leave. If my mum had been actually changing I would have probably found a shop assistant but still it’s not fair that we have to ask them to leave, he should not have been there in the first place!

aibu to think women’s spaces are being invaded more and more? How can we stop this from happening?

bile about men in womens spaces.

Wow, you're a real piece aren't you. Complete with male entitlement and devalidation. Any woman like myself who has experienced rape and domestic violence and wants to feel safe, in a place that our foresister feminists fought hard for, is 'unloading bile'. I won't say what I think about men like you, suffice to it would get me banned. Go through what I've gone through, then tell us we're wrong for wanting basic human rights. It's quite clear you men don't even see us as human.

I'm confused. I doubt from your description it was a 'feeding' room as you mention there were baby change facilities therefore it was likely a family room like we have at my local centre where you change baby, there are some adult toilets and a few chairs around that you can feed on.

IMO you cannot formula feed anywhere you need space and room and to sit down same as breast feeding so stop being so holier than thou about that.

There is nothing to say men cannot enter and if it's for baby changing as well even more of a reason why it is not a women only space. You don't know if they had been feeding before hand nor do you know how long it takes to feed. If baby has a feed for 30 mins what are DH supposed to do? Why can't they come and sit with them?
You say he was on his phone so not looking at you then!

Think you need to get a bit of a grip or go to the feminism section where they would be all over this

Thats ridiculous. A good man is one that will be changing his baby and feeding it , also giving his wife /girlfriend an opinion on their outfit that they have requested while being seated outside the changing room.

Rape and domestic violence survivors are 'thin skinned', bloody hell you are a hateful and soulless person. You are worse with every post. Feeding rooms are MOTHERS ROOMS. They were there FOR women, BY women. There is nothing 'thin skinned' about vulnerable women wanting basic human rights, even though you think we aren't even human and don't deserve any.

I think it shows a lack of critical thinking if you can't understand that just because you are ok with something then it doesn't mean that everyone else should be.

I don't get what it thin skinned about not wanting a strange man to see your breast even briefly.

He was neither changing nor feeding a baby, therefore there was no reason for him to be there.

Was merely stating that poster was correct and there is a whole board of fellow thin skinned women where you can post this bullshit in and not impact the rest of us

Here we have the type of women who, had she been around when women were starting to object to ‘bottom slapping’ and other sexual harassment at work, would have derided these thin skinned women, victim mentality women who just needed to toughen up and deal with it.

“Yes, FWR is where you can go to unload your bile about men in womens spaces. It was separated so people can hide it”

You were also extremely welcome not to click on this thread. It is clearly titled with the subject and if you prefer not to see women discussing the wholesale removal of women’s spaces in this country, that is your prerogative.

It is very totalitarian to wish to prevent people generally discussing a topic you personally don’t like.

You got there first.

Men don't breastfeed.

They have no place in spaces earmarked for feeding; or, for that matter, in breastfeeding support groups.

A man with half a clue would have got the memo. I wonder if they're of the same breed who complain about women (like me) who have the temerity to BF in public?

Um, why can’t the women come out of the changing room, to show her outfit? That’s what we always used to do. There is no need for the man to be there.

I don't think you can exclude men from the feeding room - Dad might be out with baby on his own. I also think that many shops now have unisex now and really if you are just trying on clothes behind a curtain there is no need to get in a tis about a male being in there.

They have traditionally been called Mothers Rooms, 30-odd years back. They were created BY women, FOR women. That's why they were originally called Mothers Rooms.

And leave their belongings unattended.?

My dh used to come along with me to the baby room when I was feeding my first but if another woman came in he would immediately leave. He would have left in both of the above situations which I think is fair. I think there has to be a bit of common sense and thought for others in these situations, particularly when women may be feeling vulnerable.

They needed to be created precisely because our peculiar, puritanical, prim, coy society persisted in seeing women's breasts (feeding bottles) as oddly sexual. And because people clutched their pearls and tutted if they ever encountered a woman using them for their actual biological purpose.

A dad feeding his kid with a bottle is highly unlikely to experience the same kind of public censure.

I, personally, didn't give a shit. BF in public is protected by law and I happily did so whether others approved or not.

Not every mother has the confidence to do that in this curiously inhibited society. The spaces where they can do so in peace and away from the public gaze is theirs.

It's quite surprising anyone is quite so obtuse as to need these facts pointing out. I suspect that, in fact, they don't, and are simply gleefully contributing to the total erosion of anything associated with women.

It's ORIGINAL INTENT was as a Mothers Room, that men are now able to enter these spaces does not erase the FACT of what they are.

Men need to campaign for their own feeding/change spaces, and not insert themselves in spaces that were never meant for them.