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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Too much 'stuff'?

111 replies

Whatifthegrassisblue · 30/12/2022 01:13

So many threads about gifts.
AIBU to think once you're a certain age you have everything you need and if you want something you just buy it? Generally speaking of course, its nice to feel special and get the occasional gift, but I don't want loads and load of things anymore.
I struggle to get something for DH, I can find something he'll like, but with him too its just more 'stuff', I even now feeling this with young DC, how many toys and books can one small child have?
I'm starting to feel overwhelmed by just how much 'stuff' we have!
Does anyone else feel this way or AIBU?

OP posts:
704703hey · 30/12/2022 01:57

Definitely know what you mean. Buying for elderly relative this Xmas I only got consumables or things they need/want day to day like pyjamas, cashmere socks, soap etc. I was relieved not to get tat this year.

You'll have to join me in a spring clean as I have far too much stuff :)

fallfallfall · 30/12/2022 01:59

i have a bit of a "policy" for everything that comes into the house two items must go. easily done with clothing and kitchenware.

watchfulwishes · 30/12/2022 02:06

You are not alone in feeling this way. The good news is even with children you can pretty much stop buying tat and still have a generous/fun Christmas. Quality toys like Lego are fine as they can be sold/donated when no longer needed. Buy toys secondhand yourself. Gift genuinely wanted/needed things or food to everyone else.

Sugarfree23 · 30/12/2022 02:09

I hate our house having too much stuff. But im never sure when is the right time to move kids books and toys on.
However my mission for 2023, is declutter a room a month. Which will be easier said than done but I'll give it a go.

Original poster
Whatifthegrassisblue · 30/12/2022 02:17

fallfallfall · 30/12/2022 01:59

i have a bit of a "policy" for everything that comes into the house two items must go. easily done with clothing and kitchenware.

Ooh I like this! I used to be so good at getting rid of things, but since DC I don't know why but I feel things may come in handy. My DH is a terrible hoarder so that doesn't help at all! I feel like just getting rid of everything!

OP posts:
Gronkle · 30/12/2022 02:20

My house is creaking at the seams, I need to get rid of stuff as a priority... I may only accomplice this by getting rid of some of the humans who live here. Gift giving often just feels like I'm doing it because it's expected but no one even wants the stuff. My 80's parents are impossible!

Summer2424 · 30/12/2022 02:23

@Whatifthegrassisblue i totally agree!! Gifts are just an accumulation of stuff that i have to find a place to store 😄

Correlation · 30/12/2022 02:26

I agree, OP. I think lots of people I know feel this way but still feel obliged to buy gifts and also like to feel thought of/included.

One solution is consumable gifts like nice chocolates, biscuits, favourite drinks - limited edition versions if you want something special.

If you like that kind of thing then dropping hints is quite easy as there is no set price range either so no one needs to spend a fortune if they do want to get you something nice, if they know you are happy with some nice chocolate or whatever.

Correlation · 30/12/2022 02:28

@Gronkle your post made me laugh!

Coucous · 30/12/2022 02:28

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This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Shnowfairy · 30/12/2022 02:46

The minimal mom on YouTube is great when you feel like this. I’m certainly not a minimalist but I absolutely love her videos, she talks so much sense.

scoobydoo1971 · 30/12/2022 02:49

Your post 100% resonates with me. We have gift-free Christmas. We have nice dinner but no more stuff in the house, and I tell everyone we are Buddhist (we are) so don't gift give. We are going on a fab holiday tomorrow. My kids love travel, not plastic tat destined for landfill. I weigh up our carbon emissions from getting from A to B, versus loads of stuff ending up in landfill. I think raising kids not to crave the latest stuff is good for their mental health tbh. If they are not bombarded with marketing on what to think, what to wear, what to eat, what to 'need', it makes them more balanced and resilient moving forward into adult life.

Theoldwoman · 30/12/2022 03:39

I felt like you six years ago and started on a road to a more simple life style. We got rid of 60-70% of our belongings and it has changed our lives.

beekindx · 30/12/2022 03:48

I want to have a large clear-out for the new year but DP wants to keep everythingConfused
I am quite a minimalist by nature and hate clutter, he keeps everything even if broken a bit, 'just in case' or 'we can use it for......'.
Tomorrow is D day for our house. I'm going through everything, kon Marie my wardrobe, kids clothes, toys,paperwork, sentimental items, miscellaneous items.
The sentimental items with either go in the kids keep sake boxes or will have a picture taken and then taken to charity.
I required a few items for Christmas this year and it felt good to give someone a gift that I won't be wasting due to not using, and I also won't be buying something when I already have plenty of unused bits in the house.
I'm determined and DP is at work. I will then do a charity shop run in the afternoon and take anything else to the tip.

Original poster
Whatifthegrassisblue · 30/12/2022 03:51

7 years ago I moved from a tiny 2 bedroom with one small closet, now we live in quite a large 4 bedroom with loads of storage. There is no space, one room is just full of things in boxes. I don't understand how this has happened. Is it because things are so cheap in general? Easier to buy with online shopping? I really just don't get it. I want DH and DC to leave for a couple of days while I have a huge clear out!! DH is a hoarder which doesn't help. It feels claustrophobic!

OP posts:
IdrisElbow · 30/12/2022 03:52

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

MrsSmith1993 · 30/12/2022 03:53

I am very minimalist and hate clutter. Every year I make an agreement with distant family and friends that we don’t buy for eachother. Close family we usually just do money unless there is something specific that we/ they want. Close friends we arrange to go for a nice meal instead. Works a treat 🙂

atoxk · 30/12/2022 03:54

How do you tell the 2 people who buy me perfume and nutty chocolates every year that I hate perfume and nuts... without upsetting them?

Theoldwoman · 30/12/2022 04:00

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

I actually started really small, I think it was a drawer in the kitchen and only kept anything I used at least weekly. Everything else went to the thrift store. I took everything to them asap before I changed my mind.
Once I could see the benefit, then I did another drawer. And so on.
I can now clean my entire house in 20-30 minutes.
Everything has a place.
For every new thing that comes into the house I remove FIVE things.
Keeping it simple is on going. It’s not just done once and that’s it.
I watch minimal living favourites on YT to keep motivated.
My house is calmer, my mind is calmer and my family are calmer.
Everything has a purpose or is hugely sentimental.
No clutter.

Original poster
Whatifthegrassisblue · 30/12/2022 04:05

Loving all the useful tips! I used to be ruthless, and now have changed as there have been a few times when I did 'need' something that I had got rid of. I think arrival of DC hasn't helped. What's the answer to this? Or is that just the risk of a nice, clutter free home?
I know once I moved I got rid of a lot of knick-nacks and ornaments which definitely makes cleaning easier!

OP posts:
Original poster
Whatifthegrassisblue · 30/12/2022 04:08

atoxk · 30/12/2022 03:54

How do you tell the 2 people who buy me perfume and nutty chocolates every year that I hate perfume and nuts... without upsetting them?

Could you suddenly have developed an allergy? And perhaps a diet so no chocolates please. So hard as people mean well. I have cousin who gives from her heart, but it's all so random and I wonder does she even know my taste as they are all things that I would never use. I tell her to please stop buying me things, but she doesn't

OP posts:
MiddleParking · 30/12/2022 04:10

For every new thing that comes into the house I remove FIVE things

That kind of suggests you never actually decluttered properly OR that you’re getting rid of stuff you actually want and need?

Theoldwoman · 30/12/2022 04:13

MiddleParking · 30/12/2022 04:10

For every new thing that comes into the house I remove FIVE things

That kind of suggests you never actually decluttered properly OR that you’re getting rid of stuff you actually want and need?

Actually the opposite. Decluttering is ongoing. Kids bring in lots of random stuff, buy lots of clothes etc online. I never get rid of stuff I want or need. Nothing I couldn’t replace if I HAD to.

MiddleParking · 30/12/2022 04:21

That is quite a different picture to getting rid of 70% of your belongings and having your lives changed to a more simple lifestyle tbh.

Original poster
Whatifthegrassisblue · 30/12/2022 04:22

Theoldwoman · 30/12/2022 04:13

Actually the opposite. Decluttering is ongoing. Kids bring in lots of random stuff, buy lots of clothes etc online. I never get rid of stuff I want or need. Nothing I couldn’t replace if I HAD to.

Show quote history

This is what I wonder, how much do we actually 'need'. If you lived in one of those tiny houses and all your stuff was in a storage container next to you ... how many times would you actually go back to that storage container?

OP posts: