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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Too much 'stuff'?

111 replies

Whatifthegrassisblue · 30/12/2022 01:13

So many threads about gifts.
AIBU to think once you're a certain age you have everything you need and if you want something you just buy it? Generally speaking of course, its nice to feel special and get the occasional gift, but I don't want loads and load of things anymore.
I struggle to get something for DH, I can find something he'll like, but with him too its just more 'stuff', I even now feeling this with young DC, how many toys and books can one small child have?
I'm starting to feel overwhelmed by just how much 'stuff' we have!
Does anyone else feel this way or AIBU?

OP posts:
Forgottenmypasswordagain · 30/12/2022 04:45

Yes, yanbu.

OneMorePlant · 30/12/2022 05:07

I struggle to get something for DH, I can find something he'll like, but with him too its just more 'stuff', I even now feeling this with young DC, how many toys and books can one small child have?

You could look into gifting experiences instead of stuff. Like those gift boxes for a dinner or a trip or tickets for museums or concerts.

Windtunnel · 30/12/2022 05:11

I so need to de clutter my house! But then I look at all the old memories, books, kids clothes etc and think...nah.

Not sure if it's a combo of laziness, lack of dh support or what but clutter brings a certain comfort don't you think?

Passanotherjaffacake · 30/12/2022 05:47

Have a read of Stuffocation OP - very inspiring book if you feel like this.

my DH loves a purge and every quarter our things must be analysed for trips to the charity shop and tip. He literally cannot rest until some stuff has gone. I declutter stuff every week (kids clothes, broken stuff, things we don’t use)

enjoy OP, decluttering is lovely imo

Boonata · 30/12/2022 06:15

YABU - think of all the marketing bods who'll be out of work if this attitude spreads.
The country also needs as many people as possible to keep working hard and pay lots of tax and then spend what's left on unnecessary tat plus VAT, which then keeps everyone else in work so they can pay lots of tax and buy shite plus VAT.

Caspianberg · 30/12/2022 06:25

Decluttering is constant I find. We also don’t have a huge amount, but I could easily fill a bag for the bin and charity again.
There’s always nursery junk to bin 99%, clothes outgrown to donate, toys not played with or duplicate given, books outgrown.

We got very little for Xmas. But dh bought me a couple new T-shirts and a jumper, so i will filter out old ones that were getting holey. So no extra.

TheWayTheLightFalls · 30/12/2022 06:41

This is me. I feel like we've (I've) done well over the holidays - because of our various religions we've had over ten gift-giving days done/shortly to come, but have kept it to useful clothes, books, re-packed hand me downs, novelty sweets etc for the kids, and practical but wanted things for adults. But with three under fives here it is hard going. And I loathe kids parties, my own and others - the stress of choosing something with the worry that it'll just clutter someone else's home, the party bag tat; let alone hosting and being on the receiving end of more stuff that needs a place in our house. My favourite times lately are when I wave off another bin bag's worth of clothes / toys / books to another mum or the charity shop. We use a lot of hand-me-downs and are generally resourceful but I feel like we ought to be able to live much more comfortably in our home than we do.

Rowgtfc72 · 30/12/2022 07:07

Dd has just cleared out the boxes under her bed. She's 15 so inbetween kids stuff and adult stuff. She doesn't get attached to things so she's dumped the lot.
I'll be going through it later. I'm not a hoarder but do find it hard to let go of some things.

Athenen0ctua · 30/12/2022 07:40

It's all the stuff that ruins Christmas and birthdays for me every year. It's difficult as about half my family members know what I like and get me one or two thoughtful things They don't overdo it with any 'little extras', 'just something I saw' and so on. The other half buy things that aren't to my taste, colours and styles of things they will have never seen in my house or seen me wear. The half my family who get it right are no closer to me than the other half. It means I may end up with loads of socks, for example, that I don't like, then it feels like a waste to buy ones I do like.

HowVeryBizarre · 30/12/2022 07:48

I totally agree with you, experiences over stuff any day. This year DH and I spent a month overseas in a small one bed place with only what we had brought in our suitcases (and DH’s work equipment). We unpacked into the one small wardrobe, put the cases under the bed, and it was really nice having nothing that didn’t have a purpose. Then we came back to our everyday lives…

Fathercrossmas · 30/12/2022 07:50

I think we are 'peak stuff' with a 3 and 7 year old. I'm slowly giving away the baby books now, and hope as the younger one grows we can get rid of the lower age toys..eldest is showing signs of not wanting so many toys. Other than toys we don't bring much in.

Our online footprint though, that needs a lot of work. My Dropbox and OneDrive are out of control! My Amazon photos file is an utter mess etc.

WhereIsMyRollingPin · 30/12/2022 07:53

A few years ago I had a project to get rid of three things a day for a year, so we'll over a thousand things in total. Some of them were small such as old biros, but it all adds up.

I think I will do it again in 2023.

We have largely stopped giving stuff as presents. Consumables or experiences are far better.

StormObelisk · 30/12/2022 07:55

I’ve never been a huge consumer tbh. Gifts are always nice consumables, my family know this. Christmas for me is perfume, posh bath stuff, chocolate, walking socks etc.

StormObelisk · 30/12/2022 07:57

I like that WhereIsMyRollingPin. When I was left with the garage of a hoarder post divorce I made myself throw a bin bag out each time my wheelie bin was collected, so 26 a year.

ChubbyCapybara · 30/12/2022 08:00

I know what you mean, and I try and reiterate how much I value presents such as edibles, outdoor plants or if anyone asks for tips behind my back (e.g. to my husband) I make sure he knows what it is that I need to buy and/or replace for myself or around the house.
I'd much rather people didn't buy me anything, but if I say so I just end up with more junk when they do it anyways, so steering them towards something useful seems to be the best way to go.

Mommabear20 · 30/12/2022 08:02

Feeling the same here! I've been decluttering since the first lockdown and must have got rid of over 300 items but the house never send to feel any tidier!! 😭

BlandSoup · 30/12/2022 08:06

The thing with stuff, is that I feel so bad about the environmental impact too. The manufacturing, then the disposal. Sometimes I actually feel like people are just buying me litter. How long will all this stuff be in landfill for? Thousands of years??

Caspianberg · 30/12/2022 08:07

Non consumable gifts really do seem pointless unless you really know the person needs something.

However nice a pair of mittens might be, if I have a thin and a thick pair, I don’t need more.

This year I only bought Ds and dh main gifts. And our parents got sent a cheese hamper each

Ameadowwalk · 30/12/2022 08:08

I started a de-clutter yesterday. Three bags went to the charity shop and I have two more to go today. Plus four bags to go to the recycling/dump. It’s shocking how much we accumulate. I need to save for a new kitchen, so there’s a big, fat line under unnecessary consumption and I tried just to get practical gifts this year. But my youngest is 12 now, so past the peak of toys.
I really like the idea of doing a bit of decluttering a day or week, as I won’t be able to keep up this pace when I go back to work next week.

Ameadowwalk · 30/12/2022 08:09

BlandSoup · 30/12/2022 08:06

The thing with stuff, is that I feel so bad about the environmental impact too. The manufacturing, then the disposal. Sometimes I actually feel like people are just buying me litter. How long will all this stuff be in landfill for? Thousands of years??

I agree entirely. Plus, it’s such a waste of money.

upfucked · 30/12/2022 08:14

atoxk · 30/12/2022 03:54

How do you tell the 2 people who buy me perfume and nutty chocolates every year that I hate perfume and nuts... without upsetting them?

Since having covid you nolonger like them 😉

Divebar2021 · 30/12/2022 08:16

The problem is when you live with people who don’t share your sentiments. Even Kon Marie doesn’t advocate getting rid of peoples possessions without their permission. So you can be brutal as you like with your own belongings but still end up with a house with too much stuff.

upfucked · 30/12/2022 08:17

Fathercrossmas · 30/12/2022 07:50

I think we are 'peak stuff' with a 3 and 7 year old. I'm slowly giving away the baby books now, and hope as the younger one grows we can get rid of the lower age toys..eldest is showing signs of not wanting so many toys. Other than toys we don't bring much in.

Our online footprint though, that needs a lot of work. My Dropbox and OneDrive are out of control! My Amazon photos file is an utter mess etc.

I have a 3 year old and 7 year and it’s definitely peak toys. DH is a hoarder too. He sent me an article he read about about hoarding and the impact it had on the authors family and I felt some hope and then he was annoyed a few hours later that I had binned the girls empty advent calendars with their permission. He thought we should have kept them longer…

TwoPointFourCatsAndDogs · 30/12/2022 08:17

About 4 years ago, in September when the kids went back to school, I started to de-clutter each room in the house and made a point of getting rid of 3 things per day on those days I wasn't working on a room. It took three laps of my house/each room to make a serious dent in it all, leaving 'sentimental and likely to use' stuff the first lap. The second lap I was a bit more ruthless and by the third lap I was getting rid of stuff so much more easily and positively. I still try and stick to my 3 things a day rule, it might only be a slightly grubby kids rubber, over stretched hair band and a single sock. I just can't think clearly when there's stuff everywhere.

BCBird · 30/12/2022 08:18

My friends and I have opted for no presents or something for a fiver. One mate and I have decided the latter but we are going to look.for an experience ,e.g. a play to go to or a concert. Shared experience better than all the unnecessary tat in out tiny houses!