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AIBU?

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Original poster

DM's reaction to being 12 mins late

328 replies

Coffeeandtveasily · 29/12/2022 17:34

My DH, my two children and I were due to meet my parents at a local restaurant today for lunch.
It's a very relaxed, family friendly restaurant. It was really quiet, with loads of available tables.
Due to one thing and another we turned up 12 minutes late. I messed my DM to say we were running late and would be there soon.
We saw them sitting at the window as we arrived. My Dad looked furious. My DM was looking at her phone with a face like thunder.
My DM said "Oh you're finally here! You're late!" I said "10 minutes late! We're here now."
They both had a big go at us, with my mum saying "It's lucky we weren't late or we'd have lost our table!" The restaurant was quiet, loads of available seating.
They then grumbled and made more passive aggressive comments.

I was so angry I couldn't speak. The only reason I didn't leave was because the kids were excited to be there.

I was looking forward to it after being ill and finally feeling a bit better but their attitude spolied it for me.

AIBU to think turning up 12 minutes late isn't that bad?!

Personally I'd have just had a drink with my DH while I waited rather than angrily looking out the window/at my phone.

OP posts:
Legallypinkish · 29/12/2022 20:31

God can’t believe some of these replies. Of course you weren’t unreasonable. You were a bit late ffs 🙄.

Untitledsquatboulder · 29/12/2022 20:33

ChristmasBloomingChristmas · 29/12/2022 17:37

Come on! PPs are being ridiculous. I hate lateness, it is rude, but 12 minutes with a message to say you're running late is ABSOLUTELY FINE!!!

This ( I'm a stickler for punctuality but there is such a thing as perspective).

blueflagflyhigh · 29/12/2022 20:33

10mins ffs, they need to calm down! You had messaged them to let them know too. Not a big deal at all 🙄 if u were 30mins late I can see how they might be annoyed but 10/15mins really is nothing.

Username6194 · 29/12/2022 20:34

I'm early for everything. Hate lateness. However even I wouldn't bay an eyelid at you being 12 mins late.

Ridiculous of your mum

RegularNameChangerVersion21 · 29/12/2022 20:34

Some of these replies are absurd. Being constantly significantly late is rude. Ten minutes doesn't even register as late. No one times their arrival that exactly. They were waiting in a warm and pleasant restaurant not in a snow storm.They could have just had a pleasant conversation like a normal couple. No restaurant gives up a table because people are 10 minutes late, they give half an hour's grace.

BirmaBrite · 29/12/2022 20:35

My DM is perpetually early, she will set off with an hour to spare incase of hold ups and then think anyone arriving more than 5 minutes late as being really late because she has been sitting waiting for ages pre the arranged time. So meeting someone at 12 would mean being there at 1140, she doesn't take into account that a lot of people think 12 means 12 or very close to 12 and so would see someone arriving 12 minutes late as 30 minutes late.

keeprunning55 · 29/12/2022 20:36

Why were they so upset? Is there anything else upsetting them? Surely it can’t be just because you were a little late.
I sometimes get stressed if my dh is late because i’ll be worried something awful has happened.

PurpleButterflyWings · 29/12/2022 20:38

ChristmasBloomingChristmas · 29/12/2022 17:37

Come on! PPs are being ridiculous. I hate lateness, it is rude, but 12 minutes with a message to say you're running late is ABSOLUTELY FINE!!!

This. ^

YANBU @Coffeeandtveasily Was your mum just in an arsey mood for some reason? Ridiculous over-reaction from her. I'd have got up and left tbh.

Maverickess · 29/12/2022 20:42

RegularNameChangerVersion21 · 29/12/2022 20:34

Some of these replies are absurd. Being constantly significantly late is rude. Ten minutes doesn't even register as late. No one times their arrival that exactly. They were waiting in a warm and pleasant restaurant not in a snow storm.They could have just had a pleasant conversation like a normal couple. No restaurant gives up a table because people are 10 minutes late, they give half an hour's grace.

Exactly.
Sitting in a restaurant with your other half waiting for what's going to be a relaxing family meal, where you can get a drink/use the loo if you want for 12 minutes as an isolated incident, is hardly even a minor inconvenience, let alone worthy of a strop, or accusations of selfishness.

KAYMACK · 29/12/2022 20:45

I would say it is not unreasonable... however, your post seems to be asking for validation. Is this true?

Abigail69 · 29/12/2022 20:49

It's disrespectful

BrownEyedGhoul · 29/12/2022 20:57

Abigail69 · 29/12/2022 20:49

It's disrespectful

To be so unreasonable about being a few minutes late, after they have texted you? Yes, I agree, it is terribly disrespectful.

whynotwhatknot · 29/12/2022 20:58

nah theyre bu and im an early person (no kids) -people i meet a re generally running late from work etc doesnt bother me if they mesage

Minimalme · 29/12/2022 20:58

Well. If your parents are of MN Pearl-clutching ilk then they will have been devastated, outraged and fuming.

However, reasonable MN would have just been glad to see you and completely understood that getting kids out the door can be difficult.

I wouldn't bother with them again.

Mountain out of molehills.

wtfisgoingonhere21 · 29/12/2022 21:01

I'm one of them hate being late types so it annoys me but 10-12 mins is not much in the grand scheme is it Blush

In a professional setting if one person is ten mins late it throws my whole day out and really pisses me off but to go for a meal with family in a relaxed restaurant that's not busy is totally different.

I have the opposite whereby my mum is always always late and so is my sister.

It drives me and my dad mad but that's always late and you e said you aren t normally so they're just being awkward.

Tell them to get off their high horse and try to remember what's it's like when you have kids etc and busier lives.

I wouldn't be impressed if I was you

lieselotte · 29/12/2022 21:05

CheesesandWines · 29/12/2022 19:28

Baby boomers are often unnecessarily rude

Show quote history

Baby boomers aren't elderly. The younger ones are in their 50s!

anyway, I hated lateness when I was in my teens. It's a personality thing, not an age thing.

Coleman88 · 29/12/2022 21:11

What on earth is Nancy weed?

TrashPanda · 29/12/2022 21:18

They'd have been apoplectic at our family meal yesterday. 7 groups in separate cars coming from south west, south east, west mids & north east. 3 groups travelling with kids. Due to meet at 1pm in a fairly central destination with travel times from 1hr20mins to 2hrs45mins, arrival times varied from 1.01 to 4.57 with one group bailing on traffic & turning for home.

2FelisCatus · 29/12/2022 21:25

How fragile would you need to be to find 10 minutes late "disrespectful"? Honestly I would let them come to you and not meet them out again. It's just bollocks.

roarfeckingroarr · 29/12/2022 21:26

10 min is nothing, you have children. What did they gain by having a go? Ridiculous.

Greengagesnfennel · 29/12/2022 21:32

12min late is no big deal to most people but I know my dad and 12 min late to him would be stressful so I would never be late to meeting him.
You must know your mum? Surely you had some idea how much this would affect her?

Arwen7 · 29/12/2022 21:36

Poor you. 12min late is nothing where I come from and totally accepted, especially for an informal date (is not like it's a job interview!)

dutysuite · 29/12/2022 21:41

10 minutes with a message is nothing. My husband is late for every family occasion we go to, it’s embarrassing and drives me mad but his family know what he is like and just order without him.

watchfulwishes · 29/12/2022 21:48

For your DM, it is v stressful sitting at the table, smiling through gritted teeth, trying to stall the waiter with promises that her other guests are on their way, trying to spin out an unwanted drink, etc. She is also probably hungry, and will now have to wait even longer for you not only to roll up late, but then peruse the menu after she has already chosen her food. FFS, this is ridiculous.

I'm personally punctual to a fault, usually end up walking round the block as I'm early, but couldn't get even slightly stressed by a friend being only 12 minutes late.

extrasushiplease · 29/12/2022 22:33

Messaging makes all the difference, which you did, and it was less than 15 minutes, so you're definitely not being unreasonable (and I'm a "being on time means I'm late" person.) A light-hearted teasing comment when you got there is fine, but with the intent of "We're excited you're here!" and not "We're wasting our energy being passive-aggressive to family members for no reason!", so I'm sorry the outing was tainted. :/ On the plus side, if they show up late for anything now you get to rake them through the coals!