DM's reaction to being 12 mins late

[Coffeeandtveasily]

My DH, my two children and I were due to meet my parents at a local restaurant today for lunch.
It's a very relaxed, family friendly restaurant. It was really quiet, with loads of available tables.
Due to one thing and another we turned up 12 minutes late. I messed my DM to say we were running late and would be there soon.
We saw them sitting at the window as we arrived. My Dad looked furious. My DM was looking at her phone with a face like thunder.
My DM said "Oh you're finally here! You're late!" I said "10 minutes late! We're here now."
They both had a big go at us, with my mum saying "It's lucky we weren't late or we'd have lost our table!" The restaurant was quiet, loads of available seating.
They then grumbled and made more passive aggressive comments.

I was so angry I couldn't speak. The only reason I didn't leave was because the kids were excited to be there.

I was looking forward to it after being ill and finally feeling a bit better but their attitude spolied it for me.

AIBU to think turning up 12 minutes late isn't that bad?!

Personally I'd have just had a drink with my DH while I waited rather than angrily looking out the window/at my phone.

That’s how my mum lived her life. For things with me, always 15/20 mins early. For hospital/dentist appointments, she’d be 45 mins or more early. She’d get up very early to be able to be an hour early, but then she had the luxury of going to bed early and getting a full nights sleep and no kids or animals to cause last minute delays. When my kids were young, I just didn’t have that time to spare. And now I refuse to live like that. My friends are relaxed about this stuff, obviously if I’m going to be 15 minutes or more late, I’ll message and they do the same. In my friendships, I don’t want such inflexibility in our leisure time.

Total over-reaction. I would have been irritated too.

Do you think they actually got there early, like 15 or 20 minutes so she reacted to feeling like you were 30 mins late? I ask because I've got a friend who does this, so if I'm even 2 mins late, the reaction is totally disproportionate but she won't hear any defence because in her mind, being 20 minutes early is being "on time".

They have two kids. It was 12 minutes and she'd messaged to say they were running late.

It's individual isn't it but I can't stand lateness I make sure I'm never late and it pisses me off when others are

They were sat in a restaurant. Hardly waiting around with nothing to do. Fuck sake

I like my social life to be more relaxed.

I am always massively early to everything but that's because I hate being late, I have never ever held it against any of my friends when I've turned up early because of my own sides. They are only late after the agreed time (and some of them are always late!) but I don't mind as they're my friends and I'm glad to see them.

I wouldn't think anything of this though may roll my eyes if you were always late. I totally get the attitudes of 'your time is more important than mine' but this applies to people who are always late when meeting and just offer a breezy excuse with no real apologies. It particularly grinds my gears when meeting outside with children (when they have none).
In op's case, she messaged to let them know, and they were sat down inside. I've also been on the receiving end of this type of attitude and it isn't nice, especially when they don't give you a chance to explain.

12 mins is fine especially as you messaged to tell them.
I am so sick of people turning up late with no earning or excuse, but you didn't do anything wrong in this instance!

They are being ridiculous in my eyes. 12 mins late isnt that late especially if you have children. Its not like you are going to miss a plane either, is it in a restaurant.

Sometimes at Christmas, even the most family friendly places get a bit officious about how long you keep tables. I know you said there were lots available but you don't know if there were groups due to arrive.
Or maybe your parents had somewhere to go next and didn't want to knock their own schedule out by 15 minutes?
I think: you were late. They were a bit ott. But then you were ott too by thinking you'd leave and by starting a thread so on balance, I think you're slightly more UR than them.

Bit of foot shuffling from me, I think some people (me) are relaxed about time or get distracted (ADHD) and some are rigid about it. This short video is really interesting on lateness and punctuality.

www.bbc.com/reel/playlist/mind-control?vpid=p0br82qr&ocid=ww.social.link.email&fbclid=IwAR3N9scx4WpJYasDN-yES7C4rgdUZgCzKuXB680IAhp_U1aObjSzX7mHzFk

I think 12 minutes is not long and your DM was well over the top in her reactions and lack of consideration of you. Was this a one-off or actually because she was so looking forward to seeing the grandchildren and perhaps thinking you were giving them bad habits, that she was angry about that too.

I find your parents attitude a bit sad.
I know as a grandparent I'm overjoyed at seeing my grandkids. Sometimes they arrive a little late because the youngest wants to wear the one thing that isn't dry, or the eldest is refusing to get in the shower. You know, normal, every day stuff.
I hope they cheered up and the kids didn't pick up on them being mardy.

If it was a one off then no YADNBU, if it’s a regular thing then I can understand the reaction even if it was a bit over the top

How could you have lost the table if they were on time and sitting at it?! You text to say you'd be late so they could have got themselves a drink and had a look at the menu while they waited. They were being ridiculous.

Storm in a teacup all round.

This is accurate, ignore those who love to sit on their high horse and cast aspersions on others

I was once 1 hour and 40 minutes late.

The train in front of my train that day was mightily disrespectful to me by breaking down.

The fact was if I hadn’t left so early I would have been on time as I would seen the trains were not running and driven in to town instead.

This

Perhaps there is something going on between your Mum and Dad and they reacted that way because they were already upset with eachother??

I hate lateness, but as long as you messaged (which you did) and - most importantly - apologised then I would be totally fine with this.

What really gets my goat is when people are late and don’t even acknowledge it 😡

Agreed, I’d much rather someone be 20 mins late than 20 mins early.

3 hours is incredibly rude but 12 minutes ff,s? I wouldn't be dying on that hill. I think they need to learn to chill a bit and not be so uptight. What an absurd thing to get angry about.

@Coffeeandtveasily "They are actually the type who turn up early!"

Well, there's your explanation. I used to be pathologically early (back in my 20s) and people being 10 minutes late absolutely infuriated me, because I had sometimes been waiting for anything up to 30 minutes before the time we'd arranged to meet. No, I have no idea why - I must have been mad/insecure! And then one day I got over myself, started turning up a mere 5 minutes early and lo! the rage went away.

But that was all pre-mobile phone days. As you sent your mum a text to let her know, it was really no big deal. Maybe they'd had a falling-out while they were waiting.

I think I'd have burst out laughing and not been able to stop. It's such SUCH a non thing, it just sounds funny. YANBU.