Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Did you have the baby yourself?

140 replies

Irishfarmer · 29/12/2022 12:10

I was at a family party yesterday and my sisters SIL asked me in relation to my baby 'did you have him yourself?' I looked at her and said what? She said 'or you know a section'

I don't think she meant to be rude but FFS I DID HAVE HIM MYSELF. I didn't go into the hospital and pick out a baby. I grew him for 9 months, went for countless appointments due to GD, and him being transverse, he moved at the last min so they induced and after 3 days they went with a section.

I'm not sure what my AIBU is. AIBU that she implied having a section wasn't having him?

OP posts:
QueenofLouisiana · 29/12/2022 15:28

I think there’s a lot of slightly clumsy phrasings when people ask about pregnancy or giving birth. From “was it a surprise?” (Did the condom split or have you been shagging like rabbits in hope?) to “did you have the baby naturally?” (“Did you scream for drugs?”).
I remember being bemused by the way my MIL congratulated me on the beautiful shape of DS’s head- especially when I realised she was effectively impressed by my spherical pelvis and excellently shaped vagina!
people are just trying to show an interest in the arrival of the baby and not mention sex.

LoveCillian · 29/12/2022 15:44

It never ceases to amaze me the things people (particularly other women) say to other women about pregnancy and birth related matters
I had 2 c sections
Someone asked me if I had felt cheated having 2 children but no experience of giving birth
Felt like saying it sure beats the other way round ( natural delivery of still born son with my first child)

BeggyMitchell · 29/12/2022 15:47

So sorry for your loss @LoveCillian

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 29/12/2022 16:01

CantStartaFireWithoutaSpark · 29/12/2022 14:59

Was she Irish?
sounds like an Irish thing, an Irish person would say.

Really?

Is that in between them talking about potatoes?

Fuck me.

Original poster
Irishfarmer · 29/12/2022 16:18

Sorry I haven't read all the replies yet I was out and headed out again.

I don't think she meant to be rude I just thought it was an odd way to ask. She doesn't have kids but is old enough to know many people that do.

I didn't cause any sort of argument and it won't either.

OP posts:
Mariposista · 29/12/2022 17:11

StressedToTheMaxxx · 29/12/2022 14:13

I think she just clumsily worder what she meant. I dont think any malice was meant.

Agree. Some new mums just relish in being touchy and over sensitive, and their husbands are far too scared of them and their ranty, heaving sob tantrums to tell them to get a grip.

MajorCarolDanvers · 29/12/2022 18:04

Some new mums just relish in being touchy and over sensitive, and their husbands are far too scared of them and their ranty, heaving sob tantrums to tell them to get a grip

What a utterly bizarre post.

Ketanne · 29/12/2022 18:38

Mariposista · 29/12/2022 17:11

Agree. Some new mums just relish in being touchy and over sensitive, and their husbands are far too scared of them and their ranty, heaving sob tantrums to tell them to get a grip.

Show quote history

What a weird thing to say.

Cherrysoup · 29/12/2022 19:12

I’d have gone with adoption/expensive surrogate (you know, the one Renaldo used). What a bizarre question!

StaunchMomma · 29/12/2022 19:16

I really hate this stance. It's such an awful way to treat another Mother.

We all had BABIES!! Some of us have saggy HooHaa's and some of us have scarred bellies, AND WHAT?!!

We grew them, we feed them, we love them - why does it matter how they exited us?!!

ancientgran · 29/12/2022 19:21

MiddleParking · 29/12/2022 12:14

I’ve had a vaginal delivery and an EMCS. I think she was just asking clumsily what kind of birth you had. I don’t mean this unkindly but she doesn’t actually care, no one does - it’s just chit chat and probably a bit of awkwardness over saying the word vaginal.

I had vaginal delivery and EMCS and feel the same.

JennyForeigner · 29/12/2022 19:23

'No, I handcrafted it from perspex, baby dust, and the fairy handclaps of adorable Edwardian children'

Heatherjayne1972 · 29/12/2022 19:37

Did You have the baby yourself ?

No I hired someone to do it for me

stupid clumsy question
I’ve had 2c-sections and it’s very much not the ‘easy option’

TheGirlWhoTamedTheDragon · 29/12/2022 21:35

That's just bizarre. I mean it's literally impossible for him to have got out of your body without you giving birth to him. I would have laughed in her face and said "no, a stalk brought him".

Purplechicken207 · 29/12/2022 22:06

What an idiot. In that case I didn't have either of mine myself 😂 And as for other comments other pps have had, me and baby would both have died first time round (lost a lot of blood in surgery too), it wasn't that I couldn't see it through 😂 Was incredibly ill from infection a few weeks later, borderline septic. So it was not the easy way to do things 😂
With my history 2nd was planned. I know some people grieve the birth they wanted, and I support them in that, but I don't regret mine. I still grew and birthed them. They're still mine. I wouldn't be a better mother for having pushed them out instead. Same for adoptive mothers, baby/child is still theirs, even though they didn't birth them.

CantStartaFireWithoutaSpark · 30/12/2022 23:56

Oh actually OP’s name is @Irishfarmer so my question about whether they were Irish was probably correct?

Not all Irish speak like this of course, but some certainly do.
I have heard people say to women “anything stirring” after they got married, which is a very country backward way of saying are you pregnant yet.

true story!

PollyPut · 30/12/2022 23:59

She probably meant "did you have an elective C section"? But being transverse you had no choice.

She sounds like she doesn't know much. Not being rude.

BeardieWeirdie · 31/12/2022 09:31

My parents are Irish and I’ve absolutely heard “are you feeding them yourself?” (from a mix of relatives who were child-free, had breastfed, or had used formula) and my lovely mum (who FF) asking my aunt if she could get a few biscuits for me - “Beardie’s starving, she’s feeding the baby herself.” It’s not to imply that breastfeeding is superior, it’s just a turn of phrase.

Puddlepop · 31/12/2022 09:38

No, a few other people in gowns had him themselves. LOL. I'd thought it was a question of delivering baby in the car alone.

ancientgran · 31/12/2022 10:11

BeardieWeirdie · 31/12/2022 09:31

My parents are Irish and I’ve absolutely heard “are you feeding them yourself?” (from a mix of relatives who were child-free, had breastfed, or had used formula) and my lovely mum (who FF) asking my aunt if she could get a few biscuits for me - “Beardie’s starving, she’s feeding the baby herself.” It’s not to imply that breastfeeding is superior, it’s just a turn of phrase.

That's definitely a thing, I'm so used to that I didn't even think of it. Also Irish family.

Original poster
Irishfarmer · 31/12/2022 12:56

@CantStartaFireWithoutaSpark yes I am Irish, and this happened in Ireland. I just thought it was odd 'did you have him yourself' - no the fairies dropped him on the door.

I didn't take offence just thought it was an odd way to ask.

OP posts:
CantStartaFireWithoutaSpark · 31/12/2022 15:51

@Irishfarmer the turn of phrases drive me mad too!
so backward! 🙄

ILoveeCakes · 31/12/2022 16:30

If the question had been worded more specifically, rather than using clumsy euphemisms like "have him" maybe some confusion wouldn't have happened.

Poetnojo · 31/12/2022 16:33

It's just an Irish turn of phrase. I'd assume from your name OP that you would have heard it before.

Poetnojo · 31/12/2022 16:35

Sorry I hadn't read the full thread

Swipe left for the next trending thread