Did you have the baby yourself?

[Irishfarmer]

I was at a family party yesterday and my sisters SIL asked me in relation to my baby 'did you have him yourself?' I looked at her and said what? She said 'or you know a section'

I don't think she meant to be rude but FFS I DID HAVE HIM MYSELF. I didn't go into the hospital and pick out a baby. I grew him for 9 months, went for countless appointments due to GD, and him being transverse, he moved at the last min so they induced and after 3 days they went with a section.

I'm not sure what my AIBU is. AIBU that she implied having a section wasn't having him?

It is an odd way to word it, from the title I thought someone was asking if you had used a surrogate. C-section is just a type of birth, neither of mine were sections, but I would still consider myself having given birth to them if they had been!

She was very clearly trying to be polite and word it in a manner that would avoid using 'taboo' words.

In the same way that a normal person says 'Just popping to the bathroom' rather than "I'm off to do a really big poo."

You're just looking for something to be offended by. No wonder everyone on this forum seems to be at loggerheads with various family members if they invent aggro like this.

@LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet nails it. People are scared of asking if it was a vaginal birth or csection. Same with "are you feeding yourself" because they don't want to say breastfeeding

It’s not polite, though.

No, was musing on my own funny retort and thank you for reply. But I do think we can react differently at quite a vulnerable time.most here are saying their comment was totally ridiculous etc but for OP it may be genuinely upsetting and insensitive. I hope she can snort about it, if not now, at a later date! Hope that makes sense, no offence meant and certainly no judging of a C Section whatsoever.

A very odd and silly way of putting it but I wouldn't think too much about it.

I had a vaginal birth (with intervention though so no idea if that still counts as 'myself'). The mind boggles.

I don't know anyone IRL who has ever given me any indication that they think a c section is a cop out or an easy option. I don't understand where this idea comes from.

I had similar when told by a friend that she gave birth to her child and I didn't give birth to mine. Fuck knows how he got here like.

maybe your SIL is as clueless as you were when you posted on mumsnet asking if you could still say you gave birth to your baby when you were told you needed a c section! I remember your ridiculous post. Seems you and your SIL think the same @Irishfarmer

She probably didn’t mean to be unkind, but I can understand why it rankled you. And it’s a bit of an odd way to phrase it, I usually just ask how ‘the birth’ went, because they’re all births.

Stuff like this throws me. I've never asked someone how they had their baby but can see how it's conceived as chit chat. However it's irrelevant as long as baby is healthy

It just sounds like a clumsy turn of phrase. No need to get all 'oversensitive new mum' about it (eye roll)

But why would someone want to know the medical details of your birth? I have never asked anyone of the had a c section - nor have I ever asked someone if the are breast feeding. Because I’m not a medical professional, the information is neither relevant to me nor is it interesting!

@Stripedbag101 its just making conversation and showing an interest, like anything else.

It's true bit there is still no excuse for getting all stroppy and oversensitive about a comment. Just grow up, let it go, and focus on your child. Must have a lot of time on your hands (strange at Christmas time - most don't) to start a moody thread over it.

That's such an odd thing to say! I think the best way to deal with these things is with humour... "no I didn't - I stole this baby" said completely deadpan 😂

Some people are shit with words, try to think of it that way.
I hate people who say section is easy way out, I haven't had one but friends have and neither option is a walk in the park.

Oh I hate those people who believe that having a csection means you didn't give birth. I've never had a csection but I'd never say to someone who had that they hadn't given birth🤦‍♀️

What the actual f@&k

Is she for real? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 no he came in the post 😂😂

She’s an idiot. I had much the same thing from a particular set of school gate mums who were aghast that my first (and subsequent) DCs weren’t the result of IVF and/or I didn’t use a surrogate. It was what they’d all done to ‘fit my schedule’ avoid the ‘mess’ of pregnancy and ‘ because my partner doesn’t like the idea’(!) . I was my early 40s and these women are not my friends 😂

And are you feeding him yourself?

Or leaving him for the fairies?

Based on title I expected this to be about surrogacy! C section is definitely having the baby yourself! I'm sure she meant vagjnsl or section but said it wrong

@Mariposista You must also have a lot of time on your hands to be commenting on such threads!

Not to mention, any mum postpartum has tonnes of emotions going on, so no wonder OP is miffed about a clumsy comment like this. Maybe you should take your own advice to 'grow up' rather than commenting unkind things.

I hate this. My daughter was born after 3 days of labour, pre eclampsia, sepsis which she caught inside me because I caught a uterine infection, and an emergency section during which I had a seizure on the table.
A "friend" who knew this still said for her next baby she'd be doing it the "easy way like you did."

I’ve had four children all vaginal births. I honestly has no fucking idea that there was stigma around a C section - it’s honestly the most fucking mental thing to me ever.

Also fuck having a C section - recovery, pain, looking after a baby and/or other children after major surgery. So much respect for these women who have had to have this done & opt for that after a traumatic birth, but it’s just not for me.

She was very clearly trying to be polite and word it in a manner that would avoid using 'taboo' words.

I agree.

I once asked my sister if she was having her baby naturally or through c-section (due to previous complications she could choose) and she got very offended that I was implying that a c-section wasn’t natural.
Which of course it isn’t but I get why a woman may feel offended by it being seen as the lesser option.

I think the correct terminology would be a vaginal birth or c-section but then some people may feel uncomfortable talking about your vagina.

YANBU but I don’t think any malice was intended.