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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Did you have the baby yourself?

140 replies

Irishfarmer · 29/12/2022 12:10

I was at a family party yesterday and my sisters SIL asked me in relation to my baby 'did you have him yourself?' I looked at her and said what? She said 'or you know a section'

I don't think she meant to be rude but FFS I DID HAVE HIM MYSELF. I didn't go into the hospital and pick out a baby. I grew him for 9 months, went for countless appointments due to GD, and him being transverse, he moved at the last min so they induced and after 3 days they went with a section.

I'm not sure what my AIBU is. AIBU that she implied having a section wasn't having him?

OP posts:
AriettyHomily · 29/12/2022 13:48

Some people don't know how to phrase things. And are too fucking nosy.

I've got twins, the amount of strangers who asked me 'ooo, did you manage to have them naturally?' Was ludicrous.

WHAT THE FUCK does it have to do with you? Still makes me angry!

QuietYou · 29/12/2022 13:48

MIL and her friends say this and 'feeding yourself' because they don't want to say vaginal birth or breast feeding.

Member869894 · 29/12/2022 13:49

Oh give over people. It's just an expression. She was asking how the baby was born; no more than that.

sanityisamyth · 29/12/2022 13:51

Had a similar remark made by ExH's boss when he announced that I was pregnant.

"So, you've had sex then?!"

Wasn't quite sure how to answer that one then!

TheWayTheLightFalls · 29/12/2022 13:54

“No, I got him from Tesco.” You can add that it was a BOGOF deal if there’s a twin around.

MajorCarolDanvers · 29/12/2022 14:00

The most common comments I get when folk here I had a section is lucky you/what a relief type

No it wasn't. It was life saving major surgery, complications and months of pain.

No luck and no relief.

WineAndDontDine · 29/12/2022 14:02

Nothingbuttheglory · 29/12/2022 12:14

Why on earth people think they have a right to ask about one's genitalia (in this case, whether that was baby's exit route) escapes me.

Lots of people talk about labour and birth. With friends and strangers. Let's not act like it's a disgusting and taboo process.

Jenhen89 · 29/12/2022 14:08

I often feel like a failure because I had to have ventouse and an episiotomy with my baby.. so, yes, technically I gave birth to him vaginally, but I couldn’t have done it without intervention. Does that make me a failure? Feels stupid to read that back but it’s just how I feel sometimes with all the pressures we have on ourselves as mothers.

Cuppasoupmonster · 29/12/2022 14:11

Mums who abandon their ‘dream birth’ plan to deliver their baby safely are brilliant mums in my opinion, it’s the ones who hang on to it despite the risks which I’m not so sure about!

Mrsherdwick · 29/12/2022 14:13

I would have answered- no an alien came down and had him/her for me!!

StressedToTheMaxxx · 29/12/2022 14:13

I think she just clumsily worder what she meant. I dont think any malice was meant.

motleymop · 29/12/2022 14:14

I found it a terrifying experience lying on an operating table being cut into whilst being awake, and even more so being completely paralysed for hours afterwards. But, yes, I took the easy way out obvs.....

red4321 · 29/12/2022 14:16

I had two (planned) sections and it wouldn't bother me.

In all honesty, it does feel a bit perverse to have had two children and never had a contraction. Not that I feel in any way inferior, but I have absolutely zero experience of a typical birth or natural labour. Although my friends have made up for it by recounting some gruesome horrors from theirs..l

Luckyducker · 29/12/2022 14:17

Yabu. She wasn't rude. She maybe just didn't like to ask 'did you have him vaginally'.

RethinkingLife · 29/12/2022 14:47

Will Storr describes this sort of thing as MN/parental 'jostling for status' and his book is interesting on this topic.

www.amazon.co.uk/Status-Game-Will-Storr/dp/0008354634

BeggyMitchell · 29/12/2022 14:49

Luckyducker · 29/12/2022 14:17

Yabu. She wasn't rude. She maybe just didn't like to ask 'did you have him vaginally'.

Why is she asking anyway? What the bloody hell has it got to do with her? 😂

Nosy old numpty.

BeggyMitchell · 29/12/2022 14:50

Also

YADNBU OP Flowers

CantStartaFireWithoutaSpark · 29/12/2022 14:59

Was she Irish?
sounds like an Irish thing, an Irish person would say.

BeggyMitchell · 29/12/2022 15:00

red4321 · 29/12/2022 14:16

I had two (planned) sections and it wouldn't bother me.

In all honesty, it does feel a bit perverse to have had two children and never had a contraction. Not that I feel in any way inferior, but I have absolutely zero experience of a typical birth or natural labour. Although my friends have made up for it by recounting some gruesome horrors from theirs..l

Well as someone who had two very unplanned emergency caesarians I can tell you that contractions were very much encountered and felt.

People shouldn't assume anything.

BeggyMitchell · 29/12/2022 15:02

CantStartaFireWithoutaSpark · 29/12/2022 14:59

Was she Irish?
sounds like an Irish thing, an Irish person would say.

WTF???

CakeCrumbs44 · 29/12/2022 15:04

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 29/12/2022 12:14

It may just be a mealy mouthed way of asking how you had him. I wouldn’t think too much into it. One person’s opinion (even if it is an opinion) doesn’t mean shit

Yeah it's just bad phrasing. Probably not much better to say "did you have a vaginal birth".

Hopeyoursproutsarealreadyon · 29/12/2022 15:04

It's amazing what Aldi have in the special aisles....

Sceptre86 · 29/12/2022 15:05

By her reasoning I've not had any of mine myself. 3emcs, her attitude pisses me off. I tried everything to have at least 1 natural birth but whilst baby was OK in my last pregnancy I had issues with my liver and became very ill.

I don't understand why people feel the need to know.

Cuppasoupmonster · 29/12/2022 15:13

A lot of women are just interested in childbirth as a topic particularly if they’ve done it! I find it quite fascinating to hear birth stories. No judgement whatsoever but it’s a landmark event so I don’t think it’s odd to ask.

iratepirate · 29/12/2022 15:16

Wow, I find it so odd that anyone would be interested in other people’s birth stories.

It wouldn’t ever occur to me to share any of mine with others (family or friends included) nor would I be interested enough to ask.

I’d much rather talk about the baby or anything I can help with etc when there’s a newborn around.

OP: I’m sure it was just a clumsy way of wording something so that the asker could avoid causing offence.