He mimicked me, then told me to F off

[Chipsandeggagain]

Last night Dh was asleep in bed with Dd, 4. He did her bedtime then fell asleep. I was downstairs watching tv and our dog started barking like crazy, she’d heard some firework sounds outside and wouldn’t start barking. This was around midnight and I was trying to get her to stop, Dh was shouting down the stairs that the dog would wake Dd up (more likely to be woken by him shouting in the same room as him!)
She stopped and I came up to bed, he was storming around, pissed off to have been woken up and heading to go downstairs. I asked him where he’d put my charger (he’d borrowed it and mine was out of battery) he got alI saying he didn’t know and probably the wire part was downstairs, really moody with me and speaking to me like crap. I started to be like ‘Okay ffs’ 🤷🏻‍♀️I’m am exasperated and confused way as if no need to be so angry..it’s hard to explain my reaction. He then stormed downstairs mimicking me and shouted ‘F off, (my name)!’

What would be your resection to this?

I sent him a Fb message (couldn’t be bothered to go downstairs as too tired)
asking why the hell he’d spoken to me like that etc. He said he was shocked at being woken by the dog and sorry he spoke in a moody way but I was also asking for his charger in a moody way (I wasn’t)
I told him it was nothing like that at all.
I’ve avoided him today.

What would you do in this situation? Do your dh’s/dp’s speak to you/act like this?

*Same room as her

*In an exasperated-need an edit button!

Just sounds like a silly argument. I'm grumpy when I've been woken up.

You were the one that swore first.

I think you're massively overreacting tbh. People snap when they're tired and families annoy each other at christmas. Doesn't sound like a big deal really. We'd just have a cup of tea and forget about it.

@Dartmoorcheffy Yes, but it wasn’t my fault and I’d said nothing wrong to them nastily shout at me to F off

Has he got form for it? If it's a one off I'd probably let it go. Depends on the bigger picture and the context of it in your relationship as a whole.

Pointless carrying it on today, why do that?

It sounds like a tired argument. You both swore (you first) it doesn't seem so bad unless theres a drip feed coming

@Greensleevevssnotnose Because it was really upsetting the way he did it, I’d done zero wrong and didn’t deserve to be spoken to in that way, plus no real apology or follow up from him.

The mimicking of me was really nasty

He’s apologised - I’d leave it at that. From being in a relationship with someone who couldn’t let arguments go, like weeks of silent treatment I vow now to deal with things and move on. It’s been Christmas, we have probably spent too much time cooped up inside with the same people and things can get heated. Have some make up sex! I mean if this was a common thing it might be different, not suggesting anyone should put up with it but if it’s a one off let it go

Its really just something and nothing. You are as bad as he is for making it in to a big deal when its not. People get snippy when woken up, so what.

If this was a regular occurrence we wouldn’t be together any more.

If it’s a one of thing, eh chalk it up to stress and lack of sleep and move on.

He's apologised. I think sulking and avoiding him was an over-reaction.

I think you're overreacting - nobody is at their best when they're woken in shock in the middle of the night. He was jolted awake, worrying about your DD being woken and didn't want to faff about finding your charger in the middle of the night.

It's not really worth getting upset about - you both behaved badly and swore at each other, and at least he's apologised for his part.

OP you sound upset by it. The behaviour comes across as disrespectful and unnecessary even with all the mitigating factors you mentioned. Go by how you feel. I think when things have calmed down
sit him down, explain that yes he’s apologised and you are still upset. Without wanting to escalate explain how it made you feel and you want to understand what if anything was behind the behaviour. Specifically ask him why he felt he needed to mimic you. Hope that helps.

My dh does this. I always say it's because he has no point to argue! We both also argue because the other hears an angry tone to the others voice and its always denied!

Perhaps you did sound moody?

You literally said he apologised to you after you messaged him and explained. A lot of people are cranky when they get a rude awakening like that,plus you say you did nothing wrong, you swore first and even said "I don't know what my reaction was" which means you know you didn't react very well to it all (you just didn't want to make yourself look bad) hence why he mimicked you and told you to f off.

It was a silly argument, does sound like you were a bit funny with him at first and he responded in kind.
I think you're just overreacting and not letting it go, he apologised (seemingly you haven't?), that's the end of it, surely.

I don’t agree you did nothing wrong, you didn’t take care of the dog barking quickly enough, you were pestering him for a charger whilst he was half asleep and then you swore at him. It was a tired grumpy argument and sometimes adults swear when tired and grumpy. You are blowing this out of proportion.

He was woken up abruptly and was cranky.
You spoke to him in a way that he interpreted as shirty and responded in a similar tone.
He apologised when you raised it with him.
And today you're avoiding him.

I don't think either of you can claim the higher ground on this one.

Unless there's more to it, or a history, then put it behind you and enjoy your evening.

Getting woken up by a dog going mental is pretty much hardwired into the human psyche as WAKE UP YOU'RE ABOUT TO BE MURDERED OR EATEN (it is, after all, pretty much what the dog is trying to say). And then shortly after that, he's got you bitching about your charger when he still hasn't properly woken up and his heart rate hasn't gone back down to normal, never mind being mentally able to switch from human instinctive reactions to detailed descriptions of where electric equipment is located.

I'm a fucking dick when I get woken from deep sleep in that sort of way as well. I'd have probably just blinked at you and either told you to your face to fuck off and gone back to bed or just turned around and gone back to bed without giving the noise you were making at me any more thought.

Silly argument
he apologised
you gave him the silent treatment all day (which when a man does it, mumsnet considers abusive)

just apologise. He was snappy, you overreacted

You're on my level @NeverDropYourMooncup, DP and I never take anything said after an abrupt wakening to heart because we're both like this! Although with us it's not waking each other for a charger 🙄 but more "can you calm the baby while I clean the sick up" sort of urgent scenarios!