Aibu to not want the cat sleeping in our bed at night?

[Jasmino1o]

We’ve had a cat since 3 years now, when we used to live in our old house we would close him in the kitchen at night time where he had a climbing frame thing with a bed, and he had another bed. For some reason, since we moved house, DH wanted him to have ‘free roam’ at night time so he sleeps in bed with us and this irritates me and I’ve finally had enough. The reasons being he’s just up and down at night time so wakes me up because he’ll just walk over me or jump back on the bed over me. If he’s awake early in the morning he will try and wake us up for attention, and this tends to happen at 4.30am, every morning and I’ve had enough of the early wake up calls because I struggle to get back to sleep. He’s also a greedy cat so at 7am or earlier at times, he’ll be meowing for food and if we don’t listen to his demands he’ll go and wake up DD because he knows once she’s up, everyone is up!

Only trouble is my DH is reluctant and think it’s mean to close him in the kitchen at night. Our lounge is now open plan so we can’t let him have free roam of the whole of downstairs so it has to be the kitchen or everywhere else.

We have a baby on the way too and I don’t think it’s good to have a demanding cat in the bedroom with us when we’ll have a newborn waking in the night and the cat will just cause havoc and want attention/food!

It’s not unreasonable for me to want the cat away from the bedroom at night is it?

YANBU. I don’t like my cat sleeping on my bed at night, everyone is different. My cat wanted to sleep next to us and my DH kept letting him on the bed. My compromise was to put the cat bed next to our bed and now she sleeps in it happily and doesn’t bother us at night.

Get a timed feeder and train the cat he is sleeping with you because it's his nature

Of course YANBU.

YANBU because he's a lively little bugger. Our two cats sleep on our bed but are basically comatose so I don't care.

Good luck training him to sleep elsewhere! We put food down last thing at night so ours doesn't wake us up too early although I have to say 7 is a lie in!!

I was going to say you were being a bit unreasonable (maybe) until you mentioned the newborn. Really dangerous to let a cat have access to a newborn while you are asleep. If the cat decides to sleep on the baby's face (which, if you sleep with a cat, you will know is not unlikely) the baby could suffocate.

Get cat used to being in the kitchen overnight now.

You seem to be misunderstanding cat 'ownership'

Good luck!

Compromise: cat sleeps with DH and OP gets her own bedroom?

YANBU. I adore our cat but after years of being woken in the night by terrible sleeper DCs I’m damned if I’m being woken by a cat. She stays downstairs at night. Cat flap is left open and I suspect she spends some nights on a neighbour’s bed!

My cat has always slept on my bed, but she is much better behaved than your attention seeker!
She sleeps at the foot end, is very quiet, and if she pops out to go hunting I only know if I happen to wake up and find her not there. Similarly, when I wake in the morning she will have silently reappeared at some point without disturbing me, and be curled up in her usual spot.
She never asks for food before 8.30, but if I have a lie in she will politely walk up to my pillow and look enquiringly at me by 9am!
OP, unless your cat can be trained into better behaviour, he would be a nightmare with a baby as well - between the two you would get no sleep at all. There is also the risk of him wanting to lie on top of the warm baby in its cot, and suffocate it in the night.

Dogs have “ Owners”
Cats have Staff.

@Jasmino1o I had a cat like this-used to drive me dotty, waking me up in the night
You will have to make the kitchen a cozy place to be.
You won’t be wanting a cat treading all over you with a newborn.

It’s unlikely a cat would sleep on a baby’s face - ( Ghastly thought) but start weaning cat away from bedroom now.

Your cat can get plenty of human attention in the evening

My dog ( small, very clean) sleeps on my bed, but sometimes she wakes me up by just shifting position.

I had this problem. I told DH that it is far meaner to make me endure extended sleep deprivation than it is to close the cat in. I also said if he insists, fine but I will sleep in the spare room with the door closed. DH then decided it was OK for cat to go in kitchen overnight.

Train a cat ????!!

My cat regularly has a good go at sleeping on my face, pretty sure a baby in a crib would just be viewed as a heat pad in a cat bed. Maybe unlikely, but why would you risk it?

YANBU. Our cat gets shut into the living room at night, she has food, water, several comfy places to sleep and her cat tree. I have let her in to sleep with us a few times and it was awful. She's a Maine Coon so massive, heavy and so fluffy. She pads, kneads, paces over the bed and us. She likes to sleep between us, or on our heads. I'm a restless sleeper so worried about rolling over her in the night. We also like the window wide open at night and she's very much an indoors cat (she's stupid and we love next to a very busy A-Road).

She's very happy downstairs, will actually herd us out of the living room at about 11pm sometimes and sleeps happily til she hears us stirring in the morning.

A bit more information to answer some suggestions-

we put food down for the cat at night so he doesn’t (shouldn’t) disturb us = doesn’t work.

we have a cat bed in our bedroom = comes upstairs after deciding he’s had enough of lying in front of the log burner = wakes us up by jumping on me and then trying to get attention, when he has had enough attention he will move on to his bed (until 4am) wakes us up, goes downstairs (for food I assume), back up to wake us up then goes back on to bed when he has had enough attention (or knows he isn’t getting it), then wakes us up for fresh food at 7am or earlier.

he doesn’t go outside AT ALL at the moment so all he does is laze around ALL day.

Owning (or like someone else said a cat owns us!) a cat doesn’t mean they can do what they like does it? Some people have dogs that aren’t allowed upstairs. My Mum never allowed her cat upstairs at all. Some cat owners in the village I live lock their cats outdoors at night time. I mean, they’re cats, cats are wilder than dogs by nature aren’t they?

We shut our cat in our kitchen at night, she has everything she needs. She goes willingly at bedtime (we will call her name and say bedtime and she comes trotting down from whatever hiding place she's in and goes to the kitchen, she does get biscuits though!) she only meows if she can hear us walking around; she doesn't mind being locked in the kitchen but not if she knows we are roaming around downstairs!

She's still a house cat currently (8 months old).

I know! If only! I’ve always had dogs before but thought a cat might be easier when our DD was little = wrong!! Train a dog, yes. A cat, they will do as they please, and only as they please!

Dogs have “ Owners”
Cats have Staff.

Even in aristocratic household, the Staff quarters are off limits

My Mum never allowed her cat upstairs at all.

The cats we had when I was a kid weren't allowed upstairs, or on the kitchen worksurfaces. They slept in the shed, in a cardboard box lined with old woolies. They were fine, healthy cats.

@NewToWoo

exactly. I am severely sleep deprived at the moment, I’m also 7 months pregnant and work nights so I would really like to actually sleep the night that I’m home! Unfortunately we don’t have a spare bedroom but our DD did say DH could sleep in the kitchen with the cat 😂

We have three cats and they've never been allowed upstairs at night. During the day they have free access to the whole house, but at night they stay downstairs with the doors closed. They understand that when we go up and shut the door, that means bedtime and they don't disturb us at all.

However I wouldn't confine them just one room, I don't think that's enough space for a young cat. Unless your kitchen is massive then I think he needs more than just one room for overnights.

I have a cat (I used to have two) he is old and sleeps nearly all day now. I keep all bedroom doors shut because much as I love my cats I cannot bear cat hair on my bed or muddy (possibly shitty) paws on my clean bedding.
Shut your bedroom door at night, spray some citronella outside to discourage it from hanging around outside your room and provide a bed (which it will not sleep in) and enjoy undisturbed sleep. Cats own you if you let them.

@ErrolTheDragon

we have an outside utility, I’ve suggested to DH if we could stick the cat litter and bed in there because I don’t think it’s nice having these things indoors (although we have an enclosed litter box), but still it’s not nice. Cat bed is fine of course. Our cat has become very lazy and way too content indoors. He never goes out now, not even for a second (unless we’re out with him), he needs to be more like a cat and go outside!! Even his nails are getting sharper because he doesn’t go outside and do cat things!

Mine gets put outside at night.
Animals don't belong in bedrooms, let alone on beds.
I won't even allow them on the furniture.
I have two dogs and a cat. They know the rules.