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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to not want the cat sleeping in our bed at night?

107 replies

Jasmino1o · 28/12/2022 10:09

We’ve had a cat since 3 years now, when we used to live in our old house we would close him in the kitchen at night time where he had a climbing frame thing with a bed, and he had another bed. For some reason, since we moved house, DH wanted him to have ‘free roam’ at night time so he sleeps in bed with us and this irritates me and I’ve finally had enough. The reasons being he’s just up and down at night time so wakes me up because he’ll just walk over me or jump back on the bed over me. If he’s awake early in the morning he will try and wake us up for attention, and this tends to happen at 4.30am, every morning and I’ve had enough of the early wake up calls because I struggle to get back to sleep. He’s also a greedy cat so at 7am or earlier at times, he’ll be meowing for food and if we don’t listen to his demands he’ll go and wake up DD because he knows once she’s up, everyone is up!

Only trouble is my DH is reluctant and think it’s mean to close him in the kitchen at night. Our lounge is now open plan so we can’t let him have free roam of the whole of downstairs so it has to be the kitchen or everywhere else.

We have a baby on the way too and I don’t think it’s good to have a demanding cat in the bedroom with us when we’ll have a newborn waking in the night and the cat will just cause havoc and want attention/food!

It’s not unreasonable for me to want the cat away from the bedroom at night is it?

OP posts:
stbrandonsboat · 28/12/2022 12:30

I take cat biscuits and a dish up to bed with me as one of mine wakes me up at 5am for a snack.

They like sleeping on the bed with you because it helps them feel safe.

thelobsterquadrille · 28/12/2022 12:30

GeekyThings · 28/12/2022 12:24

I don't get why you don't just close your door, it seems really extreme and OTT to choose to shut the cat away in the kitchen instead! I mean if you have an enormous kitchen with access to the garden from it then that's not too bad I guess, but it just seems less cruel and a hell of a lot simpler to just shut your door. Your husband will be more likely to go for the idea as well because it's simple and less likely to have any other negative consequences for the cat or the house!

Because if a cat knows you're behind a closed door, it will scratch and scratch (and pull at the door handle) until you're so fed up, you get up and let it in Grin

GeekyThings · 28/12/2022 12:32

7eleven · 28/12/2022 12:27

Cats simply can’t abide shut doors. He will scratch and scratch to get in. One of mine is a clever bengal. She’s teaching herself to open door handles (I’m not joking!)

Show quote history

I've had many cats and only had a problem with one who wanted in, the others weren't interested, so that's not a universal truism, in my experience it's not even the majority.

And she stopped doing it after we switched up some other routines including feeding and we just ignored her.

7eleven · 28/12/2022 12:33

I can’t even go to the loo without her little paw coming under the door. Some cats have massive FOMO 😂

HouseOfRunners · 28/12/2022 12:34

Just put the cat in the kitchen overnight. Shut the door. Go to bed.

Original poster
Jasmino1o · 28/12/2022 12:34

GeekyThings · 28/12/2022 12:24

I don't get why you don't just close your door, it seems really extreme and OTT to choose to shut the cat away in the kitchen instead! I mean if you have an enormous kitchen with access to the garden from it then that's not too bad I guess, but it just seems less cruel and a hell of a lot simpler to just shut your door. Your husband will be more likely to go for the idea as well because it's simple and less likely to have any other negative consequences for the cat or the house!

I’ve already answered this. We don’t just shut the door because he will claw at the door and meow outside to be let in. We live in an old cottage so the doors are those latch doors so if he claws at them they make a lot of noise, and the meowing is noisy anyway and I would rather DD, and myself, get a decent night sleep.

The kitchen is a decent size- he has fresh water, food, has a bed, has a climbing tree, enclosed litter box, basically everything he needs. No point in getting a cat flap for outside access because, as I’ve previously mentioned, he doesn’t go outside at the moment, not in the last 6 months, not even for 1 second (unless we’re also outside), however, when we have left him in the kitchen overnight we have left the window open for him.

OP posts:
7eleven · 28/12/2022 12:35

HouseOfRunners · 28/12/2022 12:34

Just put the cat in the kitchen overnight. Shut the door. Go to bed.

Surely only after saying “Mummy and Daddy love you and you’re the best cat in the world.” 😉

Original poster
Jasmino1o · 28/12/2022 12:35

HouseOfRunners · 28/12/2022 12:34

Just put the cat in the kitchen overnight. Shut the door. Go to bed.

Thank you, this is certainly what I will do that from now on, I need my sleep, DD needs her sleep. DH has no trouble sleeping whilst being disturbed so makes no difference to him 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
Jasmino1o · 28/12/2022 12:37

7eleven · 28/12/2022 12:35

Surely only after saying “Mummy and Daddy love you and you’re the best cat in the world.” 😉

Show quote history

@7eleven don’t forget the tucking in and a kiss goodnight!

OP posts:
7eleven · 28/12/2022 12:38

Jasmino1o · 28/12/2022 12:37

@7eleven don’t forget the tucking in and a kiss goodnight!

Show quote history

Of course 🤣

VillaMaria71 · 28/12/2022 12:38

My cat has always been locked in the kitchen overnight for all the reasons you describe! Had him since a kitten, he's now 16. He moans about it but tough! He gets fed last thing, has unlimited biscuits, water and a cat flap. He likes to roam both day and night. I have previously tried a few times to test him and not lock him up anymore. But every time he comes in he miaows loudly and would demand feeding early morning. It's his routine he's known nothing else. OP I would start locking yours up. He'll protest but at the end of the day he's a cat. You're in charge and he will adjust. Doesn't mean you love them any less.

Purplebunnie · 28/12/2022 12:38

Our 2 cats sleep in the utility room, it's warmer in there than the kitchen and I don't want them on the worksurface. If we are up late and haven't put them to bed they will come and ask (demand) as they get food at this time.

In all the years we have had cats we do not let them roam at night in the house, I need my sleep

thelobsterquadrille · 28/12/2022 12:39

7eleven · 28/12/2022 12:33

I can’t even go to the loo without her little paw coming under the door. Some cats have massive FOMO 😂

Same - my big fat boy comes and sits on the edge of the bath while I'm in there - I'm just very glad he's never fallen in 😂

BungleandGeorge · 28/12/2022 12:43

Unless you have a farm cat bred for the outdoor life I think moving their bed and litter tray to a shed or outbuilding is absolutely awful. You chose to get a house cat if the poor thing prefers to be inside then you need to let it be there. I’ve never had pets sleeping on the bed though. Fine to shut him out the bedroom. Can you get an extra high dog gate on the stairs so he can have the downstairs to roam? Otherwise I think the kitchen is fine if it’s a reasonable size. Would you get another cat for company?

AccidentallyRunToWindsor · 28/12/2022 12:46

Mine became very needy after lockdown, I think she got used to being with me 24/7 and basically transformed from cuddling me at night and sleeping to being up and down and generally keeping me awake.

I had to lock her in a downstairs room with her food and a nice chair to sleep on scratch to bits.

I don't think it's unreasonable to do this.

TheHauntedPencilCase · 28/12/2022 12:56

I adore my cats all of whom before current DC have been free roaming and forbidden from waking us or getting on the bed. With 1 it did take some training involving ignoring and chasing him but it was not a big job. Current cat was always shut in the kitchen as she's a hunter and I wanted to limit the carnage to the kitchen but since October I lock her in at night with free roam to the house. She slept in our room the first 2 nights then jumped on the bed several times the third night but after kicking her off she hasn't tried again. If I upset her bedtime routine though she will wake us at 4 which I deal with by shutting her in the kitchen without interaction or reward.....like na toddler lol. It seems to work but I don't know if she's just a particularly trainable cat. Agree with others though to decide a plan now and start adhering to it. We've never had a cat go near a baby so I think low risk but i would want to avoid anything that risks sleep with a newborn. My cats avoided rooms with a babyin anyway so that might resolve that issue.

icanwearwhatiwant · 28/12/2022 13:23

Completely reasonable.
I love my cats but I also love my sleep.
So they have been trained since kittens to sleep downstairs. They're fine with this and settle in their favourite armchair together glaring at me if I dare stay downstairs with them past 11.30pm.

Bestcatmum · 28/12/2022 13:26

My two cats leave the bedroom as soon as I start snoring. They hate it.
If you've got a tiny baby coming the cat needs to sleep downstairs. Your husband is being ridiculous.

Roominmyhouse · 28/12/2022 13:28

My cat gets shut out of the main house overnight as he’s a pain in the arse! He has the kitchen and conservatory with a cat flap to come and go as he pleases. We’ve never let him or other cat when he was alive roam the house at night or sleep on our bed!

Picklypickles · 28/12/2022 13:46

We've got 3 cats here and they are not allowed in my bedroom, they have the whole rest of the house but my room is out of bounds! I have nice (expensive!) bedding and I don't want them sat there digging their claws into it or leaving piles of fluff all over it. I also have my autistic son sharing my room and he doesn't like them on or under his bed at all! At first I was happy to have them in my room as have always let previous cats do this but they are a pain when they are bouncing about the place in the early hours and waking everyone up! My daughter is quite happy to have them all over her bed so they can make do with that!

Cantaloupeisland · 28/12/2022 13:49

It sounds like me that the issue is with your dh rather than the cat! I did say to dp in a kindly way that I wouldn't be living with him if he continued to let the cat do whatever it wanted. I'd never have chosen to live with such an intense and needy breed and we've both had to compromise

Findyourneutralspace · 28/12/2022 20:53

Tell DH he can sleep in the kitchen with the cat if he doesn’t like it!

Ericaequites · 28/12/2022 21:01

Cats lead safer and longer lives living entirely indoors. You just need multiple cat boxes.
If you dislike the cat, perhaps you should find him a new home. One of my family cats slept in my crib from three days old. Cats don’t smother babies or suck their breath.

DrManhattan · 28/12/2022 21:06

So gross. I couldn't deal with that at all.

Redebs · 28/12/2022 21:10

I would not have a cat in the house with a baby due to risk of suffocation and many diseases