Aibu to not want the cat sleeping in our bed at night?

[Jasmino1o]

We’ve had a cat since 3 years now, when we used to live in our old house we would close him in the kitchen at night time where he had a climbing frame thing with a bed, and he had another bed. For some reason, since we moved house, DH wanted him to have ‘free roam’ at night time so he sleeps in bed with us and this irritates me and I’ve finally had enough. The reasons being he’s just up and down at night time so wakes me up because he’ll just walk over me or jump back on the bed over me. If he’s awake early in the morning he will try and wake us up for attention, and this tends to happen at 4.30am, every morning and I’ve had enough of the early wake up calls because I struggle to get back to sleep. He’s also a greedy cat so at 7am or earlier at times, he’ll be meowing for food and if we don’t listen to his demands he’ll go and wake up DD because he knows once she’s up, everyone is up!

Only trouble is my DH is reluctant and think it’s mean to close him in the kitchen at night. Our lounge is now open plan so we can’t let him have free roam of the whole of downstairs so it has to be the kitchen or everywhere else.

We have a baby on the way too and I don’t think it’s good to have a demanding cat in the bedroom with us when we’ll have a newborn waking in the night and the cat will just cause havoc and want attention/food!

It’s not unreasonable for me to want the cat away from the bedroom at night is it?

I lock all of mine in the kitchen (well the whole of the downstairs as it's open plan) because one of them wakes me up by sleeping on my head. Then at 4am I get the other 2 cats coming in to yowl at me for breakfast. So no, I don't think you're unreasonable.

Awww I love my three boys and they often all three sleeping the bed especially when the electric blankets been on. But if that's not working for you can't you shut your bedroom door?

I have a cat flap in my kitchen so my cats can get out.

Plus I never allowed my cats near my babies when they were young as I was worried about them being suffocated by a cat - so I really don't think your H can object to that.

@MrsPelligrinoPetrichor

we have closed him off in the kitchen at times, he’s been fine, we don’t hear any meowing or trying to scratch the door. He has a bed, a cat tree, water, food, the lot. It’s DH I need to train to leave him in the kitchen at night!!

We also put food down at night, it’s more of having a needy selfish cat who thinks he can’t wake us up when he’s bored and wants 5 minutes of attention.

4am is prime arsehole behaviour time for cats 😂

One of mine is exactly like yours, sleeps on the bed but messes around all night. We've just put a cat flap in as he usually wakes us up to let him outside between 4-5am. This morning he didn't wake us till 7.30 for breakfast.

@Hobbesmanc

if we do that he meows at the door to be let in or tries to scratch it open (we have old wood cottage doors, replacing the door isn’t possible as we live in a cottage).

Our lounge and dining room is open plan so the only place we can close him is the kitchen, otherwise he’ll be upstairs meowing outside our door, if we don’t let him in he’ll disturb our DD (who he does absolutely nothing with so is sly in waking her up to be honest!)

If I dare to shut a bedroom door, one of ours will scratch at it until we get up and open it.
She also goes through phases of deciding she needs breakfast (usually wet food once in the evening and biscuits the rest of the time) and waking me up by scratching my bed and shouting at me. Followed by waiting until I'm back asleep then deciding she doesn't like her breakfast and waking me up again.
She's a twat.
She also wakes the DCs up multiple times a night by trying to make them be lap shaped when they want to be curled up asleep. She will paw at your side until you lie on your back and make a lap...
She's a tiny tyrant and absolutely has us wrapped around her paw.

I have very well behaved children, but my cats get away with murder.

We also put food down at night, it’s more of having a needy selfish cat who thinks he can’t wake us up when he’s bored and wants 5 minutes of attention.

He's not being selfish though - that's a human emotion. Cats are crepuscular and naturally at their most active at dawn/dusk. That's why they tend to wake people up with the zoomies at 4am.

@Mentalpiece

I know of a lot who do this, it’s not a bad idea at all!

Lol at all the people who think their cats stick to the rules when they're not around!!

Either have a cat and accept what comes with it, or accept you're not cut out to live with cats

One of ours did the 4am wake up until I started feeding her royal canin appetite biscuits and much better quality food (meowing heads and untamed) now she sleeps through as she's full all night. I miss her if she chooses to sleep elsewhere!

It’s DH I need to train to leave him in the kitchen at night!!

Plenty of cats and dogs do not like babies and small toddlers, so being trapped in the same room or made to sleep in the same bedroom as one is hell for them.

Just be aware your cat can learn to mimic your baby's cries for attention. My DPs did. She stopped when DD was 3.

Was it your dh’s idea to get the cat?

I second the timed feeder. We had one that disturbed us during the night, so we got a double opener feeder and DH set it for 2am and 5am - just a small handful of biscuits in each side. She’d hear it opening and leave us in peace.

@thelobsterquadrille

oh no, he is selfish! Our cat does absolutely nothing with DD, never has (she has never done anything to him so don’t know why he is the way he is, but we rescued him from an old couple so maybe that’s why), anyway, if we don’t do as he pleases (wake up on his demand), he will purposefully wake DD up by going in to her room, meow, wake her up then leave knowing full well when she is up, we are on our feet and can feed him!

Also research says that cats ARE selfish and unfeeling- look it up!

Have a similar issue except dp had the cat before we were together. He feels guilty not letting him have space as he's an indoor cat but my god he's a pain in the arse. If we shut the bedroom door he just howls and throws himself at it, he's a maine coon so big and loud. We're moving to a bigger place soon and I've made it clear the cat needs to stay downstairs at night!

YABU. Why did you even bother getting a cat? Locking it in the kitchen ffs.

As for putting outside at night, it’s the most dangerous time for a cat to be attacked etc.

I have 2 cats and they are shut in the kitchen every night. I love my sleep and don't want to be woken up with a cat wanting attention. Also have 3 kids and don't want them waking them up early or in the night.

My cats are very happy and loved a lot. They know when we go to bed that they go in the kitchen. They are very used to it.

If you've got a baby on the way you definitely need to keep the cat away overnight it is honestly not worth the risk

I mean, they're animals, not people. They don't experience human emotions like we do.

The behaviour you describe isn't him being selfish - it's him doing what works. He knows if he wakes DD up, you'll get up and fed him. The answer is to either stop giving him access to DD, not get up and give him food.

We rescued a cat about 4 years ago . He sleeps on the end of my bed but only until about 3.30 each morning and then goes on a mad one chasing things round the house. I tried shutting the bedroom door but he then cries to get in . He goes nowhere near my son and I’m now his slave 🤣

@Travis1 because many people do this?? My DM always had cats who were never allowed upstairs, my BIL has 2 cats who get kicked out at night (and are out most of the day) and they have a garage they’re allowed in, my neighbour has 2 cats who are outdoors every night (I know because they set off my ring camera many times at night!). Why not lock in a kitchen with food, water, bed, cat tree? He gets a pretty decent place here, wet food twice (sometimes 3) times a day, dry food twice a day, treats and cat pate. Am I cruel for wanting sleep at night and not wanting him in a room with a newborn? Should I give him up if I’m cruel and he can go to a home that might kick him out and not feed him as much as we do?

Our cat is quite well behaved.. he sleeps with us usually on my dh arm.. he will wake us occasionally usually me as dh works nights.. but only because he's lonely as no one is downstairs in the morning ..

Have had cats for more years than I care to say and they have never been allowed to sleep on beds. Previous cats have slept in the kitchen with access to a cat flap, this new cat isn’t allowed out yet so has to have access to his litter tray in the hall, he has a bed on the landing and after a few petulant mews the first few nights has accepted that that is his night time sleeping place. He still tries to get into bedrooms at every opportunity because they are forbidden fruit, but that’s cats.

It's exceptionally cruel to put your cat outside all night.

OP, you have a husband problem, rather than a cat problem. It's perfectly reasonable to shut your cat in the kitchen at night with his food and water. Mine isn't usually allowed in my bedroom at night, and if I let him in he knows that the minute he wakes me, I will shut him out.

However it doesn't sound as though you like the cat much. Would you consider rehoming him, or is your husband too fond of him?