Aibu to not want the cat sleeping in our bed at night?

[Jasmino1o]

We’ve had a cat since 3 years now, when we used to live in our old house we would close him in the kitchen at night time where he had a climbing frame thing with a bed, and he had another bed. For some reason, since we moved house, DH wanted him to have ‘free roam’ at night time so he sleeps in bed with us and this irritates me and I’ve finally had enough. The reasons being he’s just up and down at night time so wakes me up because he’ll just walk over me or jump back on the bed over me. If he’s awake early in the morning he will try and wake us up for attention, and this tends to happen at 4.30am, every morning and I’ve had enough of the early wake up calls because I struggle to get back to sleep. He’s also a greedy cat so at 7am or earlier at times, he’ll be meowing for food and if we don’t listen to his demands he’ll go and wake up DD because he knows once she’s up, everyone is up!

Only trouble is my DH is reluctant and think it’s mean to close him in the kitchen at night. Our lounge is now open plan so we can’t let him have free roam of the whole of downstairs so it has to be the kitchen or everywhere else.

We have a baby on the way too and I don’t think it’s good to have a demanding cat in the bedroom with us when we’ll have a newborn waking in the night and the cat will just cause havoc and want attention/food!

It’s not unreasonable for me to want the cat away from the bedroom at night is it?

@thelobsterquadrille

but he has food. We give him fresh food at night and he doesn’t eat it all so there’s always plenty of dry food left for him. He even goes down at 4am to eat some of it, comes back up to wake us up. Goes back to sleep and then wakes at 7am or earlier and decides we should be up with him too!

@ColdHandsHotHead it’s good to know that other cat owners think it’s reasonable to close off in the kitchen at night, he has plenty of things there to keep him comfortable, as well as food and water.

I am fond of him, just I’m severely sleep deprived at the moment so obviously I’m not praising him as I would if I was well rested! Although I still give him lots of attention in the day, he sits with us all evening (in the day he’s somewhere sleeping in the house). I let him sleep with me after I’ve worked nights because he’s used to being in our room in front of the window sleeping during the day so I wouldn’t close him off in the day. If only he went outside during the day he might sleep better at night but he’s become very lazy in the last year for some reason! He’s 7.

Well, yes, because he's crepuscular and naturally at his most active at dawn and dusk. That's what cats do. He's not being selfish waking you up at 4am, he's just being a normal cat.

That doesn't mean you have to give into him though.

Your cat will be fine in the kitchen. Animals do not belong in bedrooms.

YANBU. Before I had children I didn't mind the cat in with me, but now she's like your cat, moving around, wanting to sleep right in top of me, if I move then the cat wakes up again and wants fussing.
I must admit, when I was breastfeeding and the cat would come sit next to me and give me attention I did find that comforting and nice. But not at actual night time when we all need to sleep.

@2reefsin30knots @HelenHywater there's actually no cases of cats suffocating babies, it's an urban myth

@Jasmino1o perfectly acceptable to lock the cat out of the bedroom though, sleep is precious! To be fair once the baby comes the cat probably won't want to sleep with you though because of the crying 😂

@ChristmasBloomingChristmas

true! I’m sure he’ll be more than happy to stay away then 😂

Agree with this - we leave a timed feeder overnight and once the cats see it has been left out, they have absolutely no interest in us.

I worship my cats, but there’s no way I’d allow one to disturb my sleep. Give him lots of fuss, a play and some food and shut him in the kitchen. He’ll be fine.

Sounds like a lot of ‘but,but,but’ justification. But it’s ok, all the cat haters on mumsnet will back you up so carry on you’re clearly going to do what you want to do

@bellac11 If I'm not in my home, then neither is the cat, so no rule breaking here.
All the bedroom doors are permanently closed to stop any animal antic's.
Cats are nocturnal hunters, they belong outside at night.

I wouldn't have a cat sleeping where you will shortly have a baby sleeping.
I say that as someone who sleeps with 2 cats snuggling up with me.
My third cat gets a break from the other 2 by being shut in the kitchen with access to the cat flap overnight.
It's not right to shut cats out overnight without providing them with adequate shelter from danger and the weather.

@Travis1 you're being unfair to @Jasmino1o she's come up with a perfectly fine solution that works for her. There's no need to be dishing biscuits out.
If someone wants to keep their cat in the kitchen/bedroom/garage/outside or up on the roof overnight, it's up to them. There's no rights and wrongs, it's a personal preference for that owner.

Our cat slept on her previous owner's bed and had the run of their open plan house at night but that didn't work for us, she has got used to sleeping in the kitchen without any problems. In fact at about 11 o clock each night she comes in and shouts at dh to make up her bed for her. She has a lovely cosy bed but prefers to sleep on a blanket on dd's chair at the kitchen table. 😺

Actually they're not nocturnal, they're crepuscular - active at dawn and dusk, not necessarily overnight.

@thelobsterquadrille There you go then, a good reason to be out at night so they can hunt at dawn when I'm fast asleep 👍

No, I wouldn’t have a cat and a baby in the same room for sleeping. I love sharing my bed with my cat but I couldn’t relax with him and a newborn.
I think you’ll need to make a start on him having his own place to sleep.

My cat walks all over me and headbutts my face for pats. I woke up last night with her sleeping on my chest and a foot was pressed against my throat - not sure if she was trying to kill bd but I was struggling to breath and swallow. If I shut the door to the bedroom and just howls at the door.

But I love her so I put up with it. However I don't have a baby on the way.

The last thing you want is a cat in your bedroom with a newborn so now is really the time for the cat to get used to sleeping elsewhere,

If your DH is desperate to sleep with the cat I'd be telling him to go to the guest bedroom or sofa if you don't have one.

Also the cat will be fine shut in a room as long as they have water, litter and a warm bed they'll be content.

My old girl slept in the laundry cause she was naughty and would scratch things at night - she used to put herself to bed when she was ready and we'd just shut the door.

@Travis1 because you said, “YABU why bother get a cat? Locking it in a kitchen ffs?”

It seems a lot of cat owners lock their cats in the kitchen. Some lock them outside.

The ‘but,but,but’ is when one person says “why not give them food overnight” BUT I already do. “Why not make the kitchen a comfy place to sleep” BUT I do. “Why not close the bedroom door” BUT I have already tried that and it doesn’t work.

So basically your attitude is that if I have a cat I must allow the cat do as they please around the house and I just have to deal with it right? Because why bother get a cat if I lock it in the kitchen at night to get a decent sleep, for the whole family in fact get a decent sleep? It doesn’t matter that he gets fed several times a day, gets petted all evening, is allowed to sleep where he likes during the day (dining chair, on the chair in front of the bedroom window, back of the sofa, etc), because it’s all pointless if I lock him in the kitchen at night is it? I must give him away to someone who doesn’t work from
home like us, someone who is away most of the day and then shuts him out at night because our home must be so terrible that I want to lock him in the kitchen for 7 hours at night with fresh food and water and a nice bed and a climbing tree, how awful of me 😂

Never in a million years would I have a cat in the bedroom.
Ours is not allowed upstairs at all and is shut in the kitchen at night. He has a warm bed, food and a catflap. He really doesn't need to sleep in a human bed.

That’s what I’ve said to DH. Best to get into the habit of it now because there’s not long left until baby is here, and I need my sleep now 😅 he can fall back asleep instantly, I can’t.

Thing is, the cat’s actually fine in the kitchen anyway because there have been times when I’ve really needed to sleep so we’ve closed him
off there. He doesn’t meow, doesn’t howl, doesn’t have a go at scratching the door, so he’s obviously content there. He needs some boundaries set I think and then he’s fine when he knows “ok I’m here for the night then!” We leave him fresh water and food, the litter tray is there and he has a bed and a climbing tree so it’s not like he’s in a cage!

However, it is DH that is the problem it seems! And I’m working tonight (overnight) so whether the cat will be in the kitchen tonight is a different story! Even though it wouldn’t be a problem for the cat to be in our room sometimes, when baby is he’ll have to be in the kitchen every night so best start now I think.

He is a cat — you and your family are there to serve him.

Seriously though... stop the AM feeds for a start. Gradually move him over to evening feedings. Then he'll stop waking you up in the morning.
The rest you'll get used to. And remember there's no better hot water bottle than a purring cat!

I don't get why you don't just close your door, it seems really extreme and OTT to choose to shut the cat away in the kitchen instead! I mean if you have an enormous kitchen with access to the garden from it then that's not too bad I guess, but it just seems less cruel and a hell of a lot simpler to just shut your door. Your husband will be more likely to go for the idea as well because it's simple and less likely to have any other negative consequences for the cat or the house!

Cats simply can’t abide shut doors. He will scratch and scratch to get in. One of mine is a clever bengal. She’s teaching herself to open door handles (I’m not joking!)